April 13, 2010

Let's talk about the hard stuff...

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. My heart's feeling a little heavy tonight; normally I am the kind of person who can put almost anything into perspective and feel pretty good about it. It's a blessing from Allah; I just don't obsess, especially about things I can't control. Usually.

I called my sons tonight. As you may have read, they still live in TN with their father. They are 13 and almost 17 and are truly two of the lights of my life. I carried them in my womb, I felt their first kicks, I was there when they took their first breath. These are the firsts you share with almost no one else in this world.

My sons are moving into manhood now, at a furious pace. Alex's voice is so deep I often think I've gotten a wrong number and somehow Zachary has became so smooth, so diplomatic, I could imagine I am speaking with a lawyer, not a high school junior. Masha'allah they have grown up and I am not there with them.

I miss my home, I miss my family, I miss my masjid, my sisters, my friends. I miss knowing how to drive ANYWHERE I need to be. I miss being able to be understood when I speak.

My sons? There isn't a word strong enough to express how I feel without them.

Ma salaama.


Banana Anne said...

Alhamdulillah that ALLAH has given you two great sons. It might be beneficial to all of you to do some simple things to stay in contact. Visiting them is best, but talking on the phone, writing letters and emails, and even using Skype can help you all stay in contact. It's most important just to let them know how much you love them and care about them, even if you don't live with them. Insha'Allah, ALLAH will make it easy for you to stay in contact with them, and they will always know your love.

Um Zakarya said...

Assalamu Aleykum sister.

I know how it feels to leave everything and everyone for a new life.And being apart from your children is one of the hardest situations in this Dunya.My heart is with you sister.I hope you'll pass this test from ALLAH SWT INSHALLAH.Keep patience and make Duas, so that ALLAH SWT will relieve you from this pain INSHALLAH.

Lot of sister love/

Umm Aaminah said...

A'salaamu alaikum my sisters and a big jazakum allahu khair for the good nasiha.

You know they are at the age where communication face-to-face is hard enough. I've decided to just do what I can, call, write, email, text.. anything to keep the lines of communication open so they know I love them and miss them. I never want them to look back and say, my mom moved away and gave us up on us.

I know they have to feel abandoned when I moved so far away. Even though it's just 15 hours I can't go there very often; it's hard on Aaminah, myself, my budget, and I don't want to leave my husband alone frequently. Insha'allah a solution will present itself; in the meantime I'll just be there for them as much as I can and always let them know how much I care.

Thanks again...