Blessings we don't deserve

Salaam ya'll! This verse came to mind today. I met with some very good, awesome, EXCELLENT news regarding Cap'n's impending immigration and I was awestruck. I feel like every little good deed I do, Allah rewards me ten-fold.

Take this morning for example. I almost missed fajr then remembered at the last moment. It was really dark today. Anyway I almost missed it but alhamdulillah caught it just in time. I felt really great, like I had started my day off on the best note.

Everything went smoother. I got extra chores done, dinner in the crock pot, I just felt on top of everything. It was awesome. Had a great conversation with my husband. I had emailed the embassy just a few days before because we were concerned we still didn't have an interview date yet.

I check my email later and, lo and behold, we had a reply! He has an interview date in the beginning of November, barely 3 weeks away. I was ecstatic. I praised Allah, I prayed 2 rakat voluntary prayer as thanksgiving, I called Cap'n, we rejoiced. It's been a loooong 2 years, ya'll, a long 2 years.

I don't think of everything I do in terms of rewards and punishments. I try to do things for the love of Allah and His messenger, to try and show just a smidge of the beauty and compassion of Islam in my actions. So sometimes it catches me off-guard when a blessing just falls on me like this.

It was the same during Ramadhan. I offered to do the babysitting. It's not without remuneration but it's not a great amount. I did alhamdulillah go above and beyond what was required. I did crafts with the kids, entertained them, and picked up the slack from some other sisters that I really like but who just aren't suited for child care. I was feeling kinda put-upon, you know when you do more than others and you start feeling like you do EVERYTHING and NOBODY appreciates it.

Then, we get our immigration approval. I was through the roof and it made me feel so warm and loved, to know Allah loves me so much, despite my imperfections, because that is how He made me and He knows my struggles, my triumphs, and my intentions.

Now this morning, I didn't miss my prayer and it would have been easy, so easy. It's called right when it's time to get Aaminah ready for school and I'm rushing. But I made time. Not a big deal, really. It's the least, and I mean the VERY least I can do as a Muslim. Make salat. It's a pillar of Islam, right? After saying there is NO God BUT Allah swt and Muhammad is His last and final messenger, we must make our prayer.

So why reward me for doing the very minimum? Because, my dear sisters, Allah is merciful. He loves us more than our mothers, more than our husbands and children. He loves us and wants what is good for us. So even when I come crawling, making my prayer at the very last minute, almost forgetting to worship my Creator in the mad rush of the morning, He comes running to me. He comforts me. He encourages me. He blesses me.

Alhamdulillah I am Muslim and I serve the One, the Only, the Eternal, the Absolute. Allahu akbar!!!

Where have I been???

Salaaaaaam ya'll! I've been busy. Working my 7 days a week, 10 hours a day. Exhausted, writing is the LAST thing on my mind. However, word is easing up, I'm getting one day off a week and only 9 hours a day. So happy alhamdulillah!

So much has happened, where to start? Still unmarried, all things come in their season, dear readers. :-) I did FINALLY get my belongings from the movers. Alhamdulillah! I had to pay another $960 but was just so happy and grateful I had a job so I was able to pay it on my own and not have to ask for help from anyone. That is a blessing in itself! So now instead of a bare apartment we have boxes and bags and containers, oh my! :-) Be careful what you wish for, huh? I would say I just want the time to put things aright and rearrange, decorate but I need my job and it will be over after the end of April so I am sure the mess will wait for me.

And wait. And wait. :-))

Anyway so that was some good news. Aaminah is growing like a WEED. Yes indeed. Most of her 4T clothes she has outgrown masha'Allah. Time for the charity bags. :-) She also has heaps of baby toys for toddlers so we'll go through everything as time permits and really pare down. I enjoy this type of thing and am looking forward to it.

So my job. Wow. I enjoy it, I really like my co-workers and the owner. The job is good too but some of our clients... words just do NOT describe. I have been propositioned and stared at and really it's rattled me a few times. I am not a shy person but alhamdulillah Allah swt gave me haya and now it's difficult for me to interact non-mahrems ESP if for some ridiculous reason they try to flirt with me. I'm like, I'm the one covered in the office and yet, you think you should try your luck with me??? LOL

I have ordered some natural henna products online and as soon as I use them and can really give a good rating I'll do a post. Promise. :-) I wanted a color other than orange-brown henna for my nails and they make all-natural nail, lip and areola stains. Yes sisters you read that last part right as well. :-) It's all-pupose. I'm excited and I'll let ya'll know in a week or so ok?

Oh I did buy a couple of uber-cute sandals recently online, thought I would share. Yes this is a random, mashed-up post. I've had thoughts for some serious ones but no time to do them justice so hope ya'll like this little slice-of-life entry. :-)

So it has kinda sequed into a "here's a few pics for ya" kinda post. I feel like I owe you guys something for being so patient while my life is straightening back out.

Ohhh and speaking of straightening, I got an awesome keratin hair treatment today. I don't splurge on myself but this was $155 with the cut. Ouch! But... it was long over-due and yeah, I feel like I deserve it. My hair was in serious need of some deep-conditioning. This treatment straightens it and conditions it. Now instead of my half-curly, half-wavy, alllll frizzy mess I've got lovely flowing locks. Wish I could show ya'll but well.... you know. :-) Take my word for it, if you can afford to treat yourself and your hair is giving you fits, this is definitely worth it.

Well I have been more appearance-concious lately. Getting remarried and yes, getting in touch with my more feminine roots again. I was just sooo busy in MA and then when I arrived here in Sept I was broke, broke, broke. So I've bought some new clothes, got my hair done and (gettin') my nails did :-), and the cute sandals kinda topping it off.

I have also, on the advice of my doctor, went to the tanning bed a few times.  As a hijabi, my Vitamin D levels are always pretty low but factor in my kidney disease and they get super low. So I decided to pop into the tanning bed a few times. I like having a bit of color to my skin and Vitamin D is called the happy vitamin cause it gives you more energy and improves your mood. Insha'allah. :-)

Alright I think I'll sign out now. Just want ya'll to know I'm happy, Aaminah is healthy, and we are doing alright. :-) ALL praises be to Allah, the Lord of the worlds. :-) Also my boys are doing great, awesome grades, Zack has a part-time job and is in his second semester of university and Alex has a play this weekend where he portrays a knight. Gonna see my budding thespian on Sunday insha'Allah. Love my children, love my family, love my friends, love my life.

Ma salaama ya'll!

These are surprisingly comfortable and reallllly cute. :-) Oh and I got this pair too:

Aaminah painted this for me. Beautiful yes?? :-)

Aaminah at the super-creepy playplace at the BK in my neighborhood. Low lights + funky smell = ewwwwww

Gratitude, it isn't just a word

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. So I like to think of myself as a grateful slave. I noticed I sure say it often enough. Guess in case no one is really paying attention. "Yes my life is hard, I work xx hours a week, I'm a single mom, BUT look how grateful I am???" Cue picture of me smiling, baking cookies with Aaminah.

OK so to cut me just a bit of slack I seriously try to cultivate a grateful attitude but I realized tonight how seriously lacking I truly was.

Aaminah vomited. Not really sick just an upset stomach. Normally, as a seasoned mother of 3, it ain't gonna phase me. A little puke, a lotta puke, whatev right? Well let's factor in my xx hour work week ;-) and the fact I don't have a washer and dryer in my apartment (making a late night laundry load impossible) and it becomes a big deal quick.

So I'm feeling a bit stressed and a lot crapped upon. Yes I'm gonna admit it. Today would have been the one day I had free to actually get to a laundro-mat to do the wash and now it's bedtime and little mama is exhausted. So what do I do??

Make dua? Call a friend and ask for help?

Nope. I facebook!

:-(

I post: "Aaminah vomited all over our bed. Worst part? No time til next Sunday to get to laundromat as I haven't gotten a washer and dryer yet. Alhamdulillah. (Praise God in all things.)

Yes look I me! I tacked on that "alhamdulillah" lest someone think I am ungrateful. I even translate it so my non-Muslim friends can get in on the action and admire how, even in the face of puked-on, stinky laundry, I can still praise ALLAH in all things.

So I roll up the offending pile of covers and re-make our futon (still waiting on those movers!) and settle down. Can't sleep yet, make dua???

Nope, check facebook.

And wow. Honestly I am crying right now. I had 6 people offer to wash them for me. All my bestest of best friends, my closest family members right???

Wrong. How about my middle school (daaaaang UofA, how long ago was THAT??? 27 yrs ya'll) English teacher and a friend from my school days, a sister I know at the masjid but am not tight friends with and a few others.

Wow, it was such a humbling thing. So I post something about how can I complain about ANYTHING when I have so many who would drive so far (an hour!) to pick up my dirty laundry, wash it, and return it???

My dearest sisters, Allah is truly merciful. We sit here and we feel alone and we struggle and we do our best and we fail. Yes we fail, not just in these earthly endeavors but we fail in our responsibilities to our Creator and what do we get in return?

Blessings past counting. That's what I get and it awes and amazes and humbles me. I cannot fathom the love Allah, the Creator of the WORLDS, the Merciful, the All-Powerful, has for me, His most imperfect of creations, that I should be so blessed in so many ways.

My lesson learned tonight was true gratitude and how to fully experience a humbleness of spirit that uplifted me. 

So let's all say "alhamdulillah!" and mean it. 

Ma salaama ya'll. :-)  

I'm baaaaaack!

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll! Wow, I've been on quite a break. :-) Welll a lot has happened since we last "spoke", dear readers, so let me catch ya'll up.

I am in my apartment alhamdulillah. Actually moved in the weekend before Christmas which was really difficult to get everything settled but alhamdulillah it did (somehow!) all fall into place. Oh wait I think a list is in order, otherwise I'll forget. OK so here we :

1. Moved into apartment. Yeah, touched on that. ;-) Aaminah and I are officially in our own place. We have been SOOOO blessed to have such lovely friends who allowed us to stay with them and treated us like their own families. Well better actually ;-) lol. We really tried to be good houseguests and were clean and neat and helpful but it was still, I am sure, a huge stress on the 2 families which housed us. May Allah swt shower His blessings on them, amin!

2. I got internet. Alhamdulillah! Ya'll know I like to stay in-touch so this was really important for me. However I had some issues getting the cable guy out to "git-er-done" so a very helpful friend (thanks!!!!) suggested I try tethering my mobile phone to use it as a mobile hot-spot. Worked a charm! However in US this isn't free (wouldn't you know!) so I am paying an extra $15 a month but that is so much less than normal internet (like half-price) and so far, my connection is great. In this corner anyway but alhamdulillah.

3. Which brings us to money which brings us to my job. :-) Alhamdulillah. I was working babysitting for the sister but it was not enough money. Now I am working as an office manager for a tax office (a brother owns it masha'allah) and he had no issue with how I dress. I have been in charge of training new-hires (well everyone as it's a new office) and getting the office up and running for tax season. Subhanallah it's been quite a task but I do have experience. I worked at H&R Block for 3 tax seasons as a receptionist and accouting assistant and also did taxes on the sly on the side ;-) for the past 2 years in Massachusetts.

I am salaried which means during the busiest time (from now til Feb. 20th) I'll be working 7 days a week, 10 hours a day (minimum). I am of course not happy about that but agreed as the brother really needs my help and I need the money. So for that time period the money isn't awesome per-hour but later I get a 2 week paid vacation :-) (wonder where UofA will be headed?????) and then I will only work 25 to 30 hours a week through the remainder. So no, it isn't permanent (it's taxes, ya'll) but it's sooo helpful. Insha'Allah He blesses my provisions and allows me to do everything that is needful with it, amin.

4. My stuff. Oh my goodness. This is an entire post in it's own but to be frank, I'm tired of the drama. We hired movers, you see, to move my stuff from MA to TN. I went online, got several quotes from one website and went with the lowest. They arrived to get my things and, after loading it all, informed A that he had to pay another $1000. Yes not a typo, an extra $1000. Of course we didn't have it nor did we intend to pay it. They said I had too much stuff.

Yeah fair enough, I can see I wasn't as thorough as I should have been in recounting my apartment contents but not on purpose. I had given them a list of what to pack. So I aksed the driver, what happened to my list? And he said, oh I packed all the extra THEN packed the list stuff. Uh huh. So I said ok take off what wasn't on my list and he said can't it's behind all your other stuff and I'm not doing it.

OK. So I tell him to unload the truck and leave everything. He flat refuses and tells me he is taking my stuff to a warehouse in New Jersey and I'll have to speak with the business owners.

This was December 15th. Subhanallah. Finally I agreed to pay the extra but I couldn't get it how they wanted; they decided cash only and I refused as there is no way to trace that and they have been so fraudulent. They refused to take a credit card. Wha...???? They took it for the deposit so what's up now???

Anyway I talk to the lady once a week approx and I tell her the same thing, I'm willing to pay your extra amount but $650 on credit card and $350 cash when it's delivered. She keeps putting me off. All of my personal effects, furniture, my clothes even, are there. I've bee living off the 2 abaya I brought for my 2 week visit in September. Subhanallah. I try not to stress about it because I can literally do nothing. The government entity which oversaw this was closed (guess so they could put more FBI agents in masajid) so there is literally 1 person to field complaints.

For the entire US. Subhanallah.

Anyway please make dua I get my things soon. We are sleeping on a futon (ouch!) and have no furniture. Alhamdulillah a kind sister did give me an old recliner so I am not sitting to type. :-) All my clothes and Aaminahs, winter coats and gloves and boots for her, all in storage. Subhanallah. These people are crooks. So beware East and West Movers from Hoboken, New Jersey.

OK so I'm really tired. I wanted to include pics of my new place but tooo exhausted. Insha'allah next time.

Note to self: please dont sit in a moveable rocker/recliner when typing. Your vertigo WILL kick in. :-)

Love, me.

Nationalism and Islam

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. So this question started floating around in my head a bit today. What does it mean to be American? How do we define that? Does it mean our blood flows red, white and blue? Does it mean we strive to uphold the ideals of "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness"?

I don't think it means any of that. To be American means, simply, that you were born in this country. There are millions of Americans incarcerated; untold numbers who are pedophiles, child abusers, drunkards, and wife-beaters. There are red-blooded Americans who still believe in apartheid on the most basic level and would see the majority of our population ruled by the very distinct minority. (Oh wait, it already is, my bad. LOL).

Please, before my detractors get all riled up, I believe there are many more good, kindhearted, open-minded people in America than there are from the above groups. I am just making a point. :-)

So if by definition, being American simpy means you were born into this society/culture or accepted as a citizen (after testing and payments and hardships, btw) what is there to be so proud about?

Mahatma Ghandi (among others) said, "A nation's greatness is measured by how it treats it's weakest members". If we look at the track record of almost any nation that was ever in existence and judge them by this standard, it would be disheartening to say the least. None should be "proud" to be called from any nation.

This is why in Islam we are taught to turn from nationality and turn to Allah. To turn to the teachings of our prophets and messengers, may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon them all! We are encouraged to love and want for our brother or sister what we want for ourselves. To love what Allah loves and hate what He hates.

Even in the last sermon of our beautiful Prohet Muhammad (saws) he said:

"All mankind is from Adam and Huwa, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood.

How beautiful, how clear are these words, these commands. We are to feel NO superiority over another unless it is in our good deeds and piety. Which, btw, a Mu'min never feels he is pious enough nor good enough in his deeds. As Cap'n recently related to me:

"He (Imam Malik) was the man about whom Ash-Shafi’ee said, 'When scholars are mentioned, Malik is like the star among them.' Malik said that he did not sit to give Fatwa, before 70 of the Madina scholars first witnessed to his competence in doing so."

Subhanallah, Imam Malik, who had more knowledge than you or I can comprehend, refused to consider himself knowledgeable, a scholar, a shaykh, until 70 of his peers felt him to be so. Just a little dose of reality for you all, my friends. :-)

It is narrated by Abu Da’wud that the Messenger of Allah (saaw) said:

“He is not one us who calls for ..Asabiyyah, (nationalism/tribalism) or who fights for ..Asabiyyah or who dies for ..Asabiyyah.”

This does not mean we cannot be proud of the good actions of our country. If you live in a place where Muslims are accepted and allowed to practice freely, be proud of that. If you happen to be of a certain ancestry and you like to learn about your history or past customs, there is no problem. What this hadith means is that we do not place our nationalism ahead of our religion. (Even the sahaba had names which indicated their country of ancestry such as Salman Al-Farsi for example.)

"My prayers and sacrifice, my life and death are all for Allah, Lord of all the Worlds" (Qur'an 6:162). There is no clearer injunction that our lives, in totality, are to be lived for the glory of Allah swt.

So we can see as Muslims we are to turn away from nationalism, to be proud only of the good deeds we do FI SABILILLAH. I wish more people in this world, non-Muslims and Muslim alike, would strive to be good people, not good nationalists.

Ma salaama ya'll.

Introducing the newest member...

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. Sorry I just can't get into the hang of updating again. Before, I had a very ordered life and writing was a very important outlet for me. Now I feel like I stay busier but in happier ways (not as frantic as before) and my desire to write has dropped off by the wayside.

By the way, if any of ya'll are staticians, you would see this correlates nicely with my "love" life by which I mean married life. :-) When I am single I am so busy taking care of EVERYTHING I don't have the luxury of sitting around, thinking about the world's problems. :-) Once that area of my life gets settled, I always have much more free time.

And what is your status, UofA? Well now isn't that the million dollar question. I hate hate hate hate hate (ok not really so strongly) when people suggest and hint at things but never spill the beans so to speak. So I shall endeavor to keep my openness and transparency alive and well.

I can't say. :-))

Oh that's funny. OK yes alhamdulillah I am engaged. I am not asking for advice or support in this issue, dear readers. It's done and dusted as the English say and I'm all set (my nod to Massachusetts speak).  I have made my selection carefully and will, in due course, update you all. I thank my reader who very sincerely have her advice that I concentrate on my daughter and my life, finding a way to support ourselves sans husband.

I've done that, for most of my life actually. I've never been married long enough to feel stable alhamdulillah. I no longer feel like I have to prove anything, to myself or the rest of the world. As a Muslim woman, I am entitled to have a husband or other mahrem who will take care of myself and Aaminah. But sisters, I do not mean simply financially. I mean emotional support. That kind that comes from the male of our species. :-) Someone to hold my hand and kiss my forehead, someone to take bugs out of the house *s* and to snuggle up with when watching a movie.

More importantly, someone to grow in my deen with, to encourage and be encouraged, to love and honor and respect, to have someone to take care of again. Oh how I miss that! Yes I take care of little Aaminah and others but it's just... different with your husband. It fulfills a part of me and makes me indescribably happy. Making that post-fajr tea or preparing a favorite dish; what can I say, I am a nurturer to the nth degree and I am happy being this way. :-)

However in the past I have nurtured others and ignored myself. I will definitely be looking for more balance this time, someone who can baby and be babied and yes, sisters, I need that too. To be treated sweetly, like a glass vessel masha'Allah. How perfect is all of Allah's creation and how beautifully he has made us for one another. I still trust and believe in this sisters, despite it all, because of it all. :-)

I love my sisters in Islam, I love my community, I love my family, my children. I am blessed beyond compare but I, like so many others, want what I do not have. For me, my holy grail is a good marriage, stable, with a loving, kind, funny, affectionate, practicing brother. I have amended my definition a bit as I have gotten older of what makes a great husband. I use to want the whole package; how tiring, looking for something that doesn't exist. :-) I cannot be everything, I can just be me. I can't expect more than that of my brothers, now can I?

So what am I doing different this time? Personal references baby from someone who reallly knows the person. It's very nice for the imam to give a good reference as I got for A but that doesn't really tell you what the person is like outside of the masjid, in a home setting, when we are bad-tempered or sick. So my very best friend Um Bilal is married and her husband is a wondeful person masha'Allah. His best friend of 13+ years was introduced to me and I am pleased to say that the brother has been everything I was told he was.

Now, here is where the full-disclosure ends. Abu B's friend is a very private sort of person. I have of course already directed him to my blog to find out how I feel about everything from refrigerated hashbrowns to matters of our ummah. So he is aware I have this space and I write in it. After marriage, my content might change depending on what he is comfortable with. Of course I am hoping certain things will still be ok with him but as I've never been particularly private I definitely want to make him comfortable.

I do however, have a photo of him I snapped today that I would love to share. Enjoy!

Yes it's not really him, my new man isn't made from legos. :-) But he is a pirate (we'll call him Cap'n) and he is from the Caribbean and other than that, I must keep mum. Insha'allah post wedded-bliss, we will see what transpires. I hope to keep you all updated on my life and times, my sads and happies and always always always my striving to be a better muslimah, wife, mother, friend and human being. :-)

And life goes on :-)

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. Soooo what's new with UofA? Wow really? I don't think I would have the time to go through it all. :-) So let's start at the top and one of the reasons my posting has been... nonexistant. :-)

My laptop broke. But... good news is A had purchased the extended warranty (which at the time I thought was wasteful) so I am getting it fixed but they had to send it off for repair. Thanks Geek Squad. :-) Anyway I'll have it back in a week or so insha'Allah. I've wanted to update but I hate using my friend's computer too much.

Another reason I've been absent so long is just waiting for things to calm down. I'm living with a friend (did I mentiont that?? I can't remember!) until my apartment is ready. It should be ready Nov. 1st. Insha'Allah! So I am really ready to be settled down, AGAIN, so I can get back into a normal routine.

Aaminah is missing her family in MA, miskeena little girl. She asked if her Baba was still her family. I said of course he is. She asked if she could live with him. I was almost devastated (except ok well she's 3 lol) but then she said, "Because I miss Basheq the cat". Masha'Allah how sweet children are. She really does miss them and I assured her that Baba and the kids are still her family but we had to move back to Tennessee.

She asked why they didn't come. Subhanallah, how her mind words. You can tell she's been thinking on this for a while. I hate to see her sad but alhamdulillah I think once we are living in our own apartment with her toys again, her books, etc., she will be more settled and happy. I mean right now she is having a ball! Friends all the time, trips to the masjid, having her family so close but still she is a little girl and misses what she knew.

Please make dua for her and for me that I can be both Mama and Baba for her. As yall know her Abi left her completely, has no contact, so she is, according to Islam, an orphan. Islamically a child without a father is considered an orphan; this has been hard for me to understand because with all of my children, I was the one who took care of them. Islamically that is also how the househole is ordered. Subhanallah this is a ruling of Allah's that I don't understand the basis for but accept it regardless.

Alright I have to go. Aaminah is reading a Toys r Us circular and picking out toys for baby Bilal, my friends baby. She says, "He is my little brother in Islam" masha'Allah. She has such a great accent masha'Allah when she says "Islam" and "Bilal" etc. May Allah help her grow to be a pious muslimah, a wonderful caring loving person, amin!

30 days of iftars: #3

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. Last night we had iftar at the masjid; no cooking for mama! We had a spicy veggie beef stew of sorts with some really nice jeera rice and super thin pita bread with salad. After we came home the kiddies had some hot fries (you know those nasty fried spicy potato sticks? Yeah those.) and a couple of cookies plus milk to cut the burn of the spicy chip sticks.

For suhoor this morning the kids had a mixture of granola cereal with nuts and dates with milk and a cheese stick. Plus lots of water! A, who is not eating loads of carbs, opted for leftover roast chicken, cucumbers and plain yogurt. He is a very healthy eater, masha'Allah and has dropped, can you believe, 30 lbs????

Yes that's right. He's been watching his eating habits for a little over 2 months and lost 30 lbs. Whatev. LOL Just kidding I am very proud of him but geeze, for men it seems weight loss is a breeze! They say, oh I think I'll lose weight and poof! it's gone. I guess there might be some advantages to being a man. lol

Anyway he did it by totally cutting out all bread, rice, pasta, really any carbs from grains. I am hoping he'll be ready to reintroduce some but he is so happy with his weight loss plus he discovered he had been, at least, gluten intolerant. He had some very severe intestinal issues for the past 15 years but you know men, sometimes they just ignore these things. Once he cut out all wheat his issues totally resolved themselves. Totally.

It was amazing really; he feels so good now he doesn't even miss the bread anymore! Really that was his downfall; bread is his favorite food. The few times he tried to reintroduce bread, even a small portion, he was in pain again for a few days. Nice to be able to pinpoint the source of his discomfort.

Anyway he does eat some carbs now; he'll eat a small portion of, say, rice, maybe half a cup. But the builk of his diet is lean protein (chicken, tuna, low-fat cheese, eggs) with lots of low-carb veggies. Cucumbers, celery, green beans, broccoli, cauliflower, spinach, romaine lettuce, onions, mushrooms.. really he has a bit selection to choose from, all healthy and low-carb. He gets some carbs in the form of dairy, mainly yogurt and the cheese, but still pretty low in general. He consumes well under 50 grams per day while the typical person's diet is composed of at least 150 grams daily, many with carb addiction topping 300!!!

I know this was supposed to be a post about iftars but since I didn't cook I thought I would go ahead and share his success. I am tempted to do it also; I would love to get some of this weight off plus who wants to outclass their husband? lol He is under the 200 mark for the first time in years whilst I, dearest readers, am still hanging out comfortably above that level. :-( lol

Insha'Allah this finds you all in the best of health and iman; please share your iftar/suhoor ideas! Love you all fi sabilillah!!!!

Heartfelt post

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. This is a truly personal post, the likes of which I rarely put on blogger. However it's been weighing on me for a long time and I just feel like putting some of it out there.

I've been going through a very difficult time lately. If it were just one area of my life, no sweat. Two things going wrong, I can cope. Three things?? Dude, no worries.

It's not that easy this time. :-( Besides the fact that I am sick ( and getting sicker) I just have a lot of things that need to change.

Often when we go through trials in our life our iman suffers. Up one day, down another, fluctuating as we try to cope and move past or change our situation. I am no different; I have my good days and my less-than-good ones. :-)

Alhamdulillah I at least keep my sense of humor. It helps.

Well guess this isn't so heartfelt as much as it is just to let ya'll know why I'm being a crappy, sporadic blogger lately. You know I am very good at rolling with the punches and keeping an even keel, giving better than I get... are there anymore horrible cliches I can throw out there? lol

Of course part of it is the stress of my stepchildren plus some issues with A that just need to be straightned out. Alhamdulillah he was very receptive when I spoke to him about my concerns which is important in itself. Also my health worsening has just added to it all. I don't really get stressed over it but as I feel physically worse it makes keeping up with all I need to do even harder. I also have some inner issues that I have to decide how to handle.

Wallah it just feels like a lot to deal with at one time and my patience and stamina are running low.

So for now, I'm taking it one day at a time, doing the best I can and managing to neither run away nor hang recalcitrant kiddies by their toes. :-)

Please make dua for me sisters that I get my spiritual and personal house in order and ask Allah to give me patience and MORE patience, amin.

The weirdest thing happened to me today...

Just another example of awkwardness. :-D

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. When I say the weirdest thing, I should say THE weirdest thing EVER happened to me today.

OK that's a lot of pressure but it was really really strange. :-)

Let me preface it with a back story. About a month ago I had taken Aaminah to the local library. We were outside enjoying a snack on the beautiful spring day when a woman approached us. She was... interesting. She started asking me if I was a Muslim, if I was hot the way I was dressed :-P and if my husband allowed me to drive! She also wanted to know if I was allowed to work.

I said, "No I choose not to work. My husband works for me and brings me his paycheck home." LOL Anyway she had no compulsion about asking me anything and everything but I tried very hard to be kind to her as I felt she was perhaps a bit slow and definitely lacking in social graces.

Anyway today my friend Sr. Lisa and I were going to the local Salvation  Army store for 1/2 off Wednesdays. (Yes! I love them!) Anyway as we got out of the car, that same woman approached us. Sr. Lisa was kind of taken aback as the woman appeared to know her (probably got us confused although we look nothing alike, save our heads are covered!).

As I rounded the car she was asking, "Are you guys sisters?" In my last conversation with her, I explained the sisterhood concept in Islam. I answered affirmatively.

She then proceeded to tell us the following:

"I have this friend who wanted me to be her Lesbian lover a year and a half ago. I don't know what to do. Everytime I see her, she asks me to be her girlfriend and does this at me."

The woman started gyrating her hips and wiggling her breasts in a sexual pantomime which left both me and Lisa speechless. WTHeck????

Sr. Lisa looks away in acute embarassment and alhamdulillah I had to presence of mind to take over the situation.

"I'm sorry but I really cannot help you with this issue. This isn't a conversation I am comfortable having and we have to go. Now."

LOL It was sooooooo awkward! I mean, who does that????? First off, what are we, a Muslim version of Ann Landers? Relationship advisers? And what exactly, pray tell, about us makes her think we are the ones to have her back in a spurned-lesbian-advance situation???

I have possibly never been in such a publicly awkward situation. Never. Insha'Allah I never will again!

As we hurried off, the lady calls out, "Please pray for me..." and I assure her, "Oh yes, we will definitely pray for you!".

Oh.my.goodness.

Ma salaama ya'll!

Cute family movie

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. I think I mentioned my friend Lisa is here right now for a long visit (yay!) and we decided to take the kids to see a movie. We ended up choosing "Mr. Popper's Penguins" and it was really cute.

There were a couple of iffy scenes in it but nothing over the top even by more modest standards. The humor was mostly clean, a couple of penguin bathroom jokes but hey, kids love poo! I enjoyed it myself; there were a lot of pop culture references so they parents could get a chuckle too.

Really the only down-side (besides the exhorbitant cost: $60 for 5 people, 2 drinks and 1 popcorn) was the fact that really it's geared for older kids. Aaminah enjoyed the penguins but a lot of this movie was follow the dialogue kinda thing which made it less appropriate for children under 5 in my opinion.

Aaminah had great behavior masha'Allah but her attention lagged a few times. All I can say is alhamdulillah for the huge bucket of popcorn. :-D

In terms of good, clean family fun, I would give this an A but beware for those under 5. Also I loved Mr. Popper's assistant Poppy's love of alliteration caused me more than a few giggles and smiles. What can I say? I'm a sucker for that sorta sound! ;-)

Oh my other recommendation: just wait til it comes to your local redbox or netflix. It's not one of those movies that demand to be seen on the big screen.

Ma salaama ya'll...

Another milestone...

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. Btw, my last entry was post # 250; subhanallah! Like most busy moms, I don't always get to finish what I start so I feel like I've done a fair job with keeping up my blog; 2 yrs and 250 posts later, I'm still here. That's a testament for multi-tasking. :-)

Alhamdulillah my best friend Sr. Lisa is up from Tennessee right now. Can I get another Alhamdulillah? I am really happy she is here with her sweet, funny daughter Aliyah. Lisa is 26 weeks pregnant masha'Allah and I've not seen her all pregnancy. It's so sweet and cute; I love pregnant tummies. Since she's my friend, I get to do the Buddha-belly rub. Yes! I even felt the little buddy kick. (Insha'Allah it's a boy.)

My posting might still be sporadic so just a little heads up. I really miss my son but I am grateful for the days he was here. As we "speak" he is on his way to Guatemala for a working mission trip. Meaning not calling people to Christianity but doing work for the community. As Guatemala is 95% Christian, this is more of a charity trip than a proselytizing one. :-) Insha'Allah my sons stay safe and are a great help to the indigenous peoples they are going to assist.

The past few days I've had many ideas for posts but no time. If I forget to write down my idea, it's usually lost to the void. Insha'Allah they'll resurface at a later time.

Oh yeah, I do have some photos of the visit. I have to admit, I am not best photographer when it comes to special times. I am too busy enjoying them to worry about staying behind a lens. I did want some photos so I would sporadically pull out the old camera and point and click!

I purposefully did NOT take pictures of his departure. It was hard enough and I didn't want to feel sad everytime I looked at the photographs. Wise move, grasshopper. :-)

Oh I've also been trying to re-arrange/re-tag all of my photos on the computer. When I upload my pics, a little box pops-up that allows you to place tags. So, for example, if on that particular day I had some pics of a sewing project, dinner photos, and Aaminah, I would type the following:

"crafts, recipes, Aami"  I thought by placing the commas in between it would make individual tags.

Nope. It made the tag "crafts recipes Aami" which is counter-productive if for example I wanted to pull up all my craft photos. So now I am going through and re-tagging. It's painstaking work but fun for me and I'll be so happy with my new improved photo storage system.

Oh a little reminder for us all, BACK UP YOUR PHOTOS NOW. Don't delay it; get some DVDs or buy online storage. Whateva. Just do it. I lost a computer 4 yrs ago and all of my digital photos from that time period are gone. My boys during their formative years. :-(

I kept the computer for a long time because I really wanted to try to retrieve them. I finally threw it away when I moved here to MA. :-( Anyway a lesson for us all, a painful one, so....

BACK UP YOUR PHOTOS AND IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS NOW. OK that concludes my public service announcement for today. :-)

Love ya'll fi sabilillah!

Hey UCB, yeah you know me!

Alhamdulillah-hir-rabbil-alameen!

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. I hope somebody understood the pop culture reference of my title: the beat of Yeah OPP, yeah you know me" popped into my head when I was thinking of a title.

Many of you may be confused as to what a "UCB" is, exactly. That's ok, apparently they are confused as well!!! ;-) UCB is the initials of a term I coined with my best friend. We've all met them before (although we might not have known it!) There is even a female counter-part to this elusive animal and they are called UCSs.

No clue? That's alright, I'll "out" them for you. UCB refers to UnderCover Brothas and obviously, UCA is for the sistahs. I'll write out a couple of scenarios to describe this phenomenon a little better.

1. You are at the mall and a man walks past. Your spidey-sense screams (silently) "There's a Muslim nearby!" (In the west, where any muslim sighting often remains rare, it is indeed a moment for spidey-sense tingles.) He could be any other man at the mall for all you know by looking at him. So what makes him a UCB?

Well the fact that every week you've seen said bro sportin' a thobe/kameez/(insert your cultural dress here) and kufi combo and salaaming left, right and center. Masha'Allah to the brother for his dedication to show up at the masjid and sticking to his roots.

However, when you in your happiness to see another muslim, throw a sisterly "A'salaamu alaikum" his way, he walks past as if it never happened. At quite a faster clip than before, btw.

Say whaaaaaaa? :-D OK onto scenario #2.

2. A very nice woman steps onto the elevator. She has the Muslim ethnic look but you can't tell by that. No hijab but most telling, no salaam. Hmm ok no problem. After riding 3 floors in silence, she looks at you (in khimar and abaya) and asks, "Are you Muslim?". Hmmmm no I just like to dress fancy. :-)) I nod my assent and smile.

So masha'Allah sister says, "Oh I'm Muslim too". No salaam, just that quick mention. You say, "Oh masha'Allah". The doors open and another person gets on. Sister quickly looks away and conversation ends.

You travel 3 more floors together.

Awkward. lol

BTW, the spelling of "awkward" is awkward. Nice when words showcase themselves.

 Alrighty... onto #3.

3. You've been seeing a particular physician for a year and a half. During this time, you always appear in front of him covered and several "insha'Allah" or "alhamdulillahs" have probably slid through your lips. He is from the sub-continent, you know that much from the one time you tried to talk to him about something other than white blood cell counts and allograft survival.

BTW, despite wearing clothing that is very identifiable as that which Muslims wear and speaking of your family (all of whom have Muslim names) never a word is breath about being a "muslim". :-) OK no problem, your physicians don't have to be Muslim.

Then...after a year and a half, you come down the stairs from Jumah and see him. Yes, your Dr. Standing there after salaat, chatting away with several other brothers, waiting for his wife to finish her sunnah prayers.

He turns around, sees you, and looks visibly surprised. It's like, "Hey buddy, I've never hid I'm a Muslim, don't look so surprised to see ME here". LOL

You give him salaams which he returns and you go on your way.

OK I guess by the time I got to that last scenario you probably had figured out all of those things happened to me. Those and many, many more. :-) I think one of my personal "say what"s is the very nice doctor who treated me in the ER.

She had a typical Arab name and was absolutely gorgeous. Long dark blond hair, flawless make-up, penciled in eyebrows... no hijab, a low-cut shirt. Hmmm OK so I think to myself, wellll her name is an Arab name but maybe her family is Christian or something. So I say nothing except hello.

After about 5 minutes she says, "Are you Muslim?" I swear I get this more from Muslims than non-Muslims!!! Which already confuses me but whatever. I answer in the affirmative and she says, "Oh I am too but I don't practice".

I never know WHAT to say. This has happened to me more than once. What do you say?

"Oh well, I do". lol

or

"I'm sorry".

or

"Why not?"

or

"Then what exactly makes you Muslim?"

Sorry if ya'll find that judgemental but that's just the truth about what runs through my head. It's awkward :-) and I just end up standing there and saying "Oh."

This obviously isn't based on scientific research;-). I'm just stating my observations, based on REAL LIFE events.

Like the cockroach said, "whatevs". LOL

It's a crazy world, ya'll.

Do you have a recipe for...

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. I'm looking for a super-yummy recipe for an eggplant-yogurt dish I had a couple of Ramadhans ago. I'll try to explain it the best I can and insha'allah I'll get a delicious fast response. :-D

It was yogurt with slices of fried eggplant and had a really tasty oil (tarka?) poured on top. The tarka was kinda spicy but complemented the creamy yogurt perfectly. A sweet Pakistani sister made it and I tried to get the recipe but some of it was lost in translation.

So if anyone has a great recipe they would be willing to share, I would love you!!! Also some suggestions on what it is normally served with; I just ate it plain the day I helped the sister clean up. ;-)

If I get the recipe I will insha'Allah post it on here with a pic AND a link-back to your blog. Jazakum Allahu khair!

Awww thanks ya'll!

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. I discovered this morning that I was included in the Top 50 Muslim Mom Blogs for 2011. I was ranked a solid 32. I was very surprised and very happy. As I said before, I hope that my blog (besides being a creative outlet for myself) helps bring together like-minded Muslimahs and shares something of my religion with those who knew nothing before.

Obviously something is working. :-)

Anyway, I encourage you all to check out the list; there are a lot of blogs on there I already knew and many I've yet to discover. :-) A special shout out to Mama Mona and HijabiMommy for making it to the top 25. Masha'Allah and great job sisters!

I have to say, for me, one of the best things about being part of the blogging world is the companionship and support we give each other. Alhamdulillah we do not always have to agree with each other but I truly feel (on my blog at least) that all of my readers who disagree with my view are respectful in their comments. I like to think we all leave with a different perspective insha'allah.

Thanks for supporting my blog and even more, thanks for being my sister.

I love you all fi sabilillah!

It's ok, I'm a convert

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. This is a post that's been a long time in the making. It's been in my mind, consciously and subconsciously, something I've grappled with off and on. This might step on some people's toes but you have to know, I don't judge you. That's for Allah. I judge myself and my actions against what I believe are Allah's rules for my life. We are all responsible for our own introspection. :-)

I'm a convert to Islam. (Yah, surprise huh? I thought I'd start out with a hook. :-D) I've been through a lot of changes and I've given up some things. (That isn't really the point of this post but I'm trying to set the stage.)

I think sometimes, as converts, we feel like it's a "get outta jail free" card. Not ready to wear hijab? That's ok, I'm a convert; I'm not ready for that step yet.

Only memorized a few surat? Oh that's ok, I'm a convert; I don't know Arabic.

Still celebrating non-Muslim holidays? Don't worry, I'm a convert; my family celebrates and it's not religious for us we just get together as a family to show our love.

Don't dress modestly? Oh I'm sorry, you see, I'm a CONVERT, I don't have any cultural baggage. Abayaat are for Arabs and besides I would stand out more dressed like that.

(Yes, there are other modest options but the Qur'an tells us we should wear an over garment so unless your cute 'n trendy Shukr outfit is covered by a trench coat, it's not really doing the job. Yes you might attract attention but it's not gonna be because you look so fly. lol)

Got male friends? Oh no, it's not like THAT. You see, I'm a convert. I grew up with mixed sex gatherings, ALL of my best friends were boys growing up/ these are my husband's friends/ insert whatever excuse you like here.

Non-nasheed music/haram instruments still making your play list? Ohhh that. Yeah, well you know, seeing as how Ima convert and all and I grew up listening to music, it's just such a part of my life. My life is a soundtrack and these songs take me back to such beautiful times. :-)

Still wearing perfume/make-up out of the house? Hello! Didn't you hear me? I am a convert. C O N V E R T.  I live in a non-Muslim majority country. Everyone wears it/I have bad skin/I have self-confidence issues blah blah blah.

OK I guess you get the point by now. Oh and before you type an angry comment sisters please remember: We are here to enjoin the GOOD and forbid the BAD. I have never ever ever said I didn't do any of the above things. I am fully able to see the wrong I do.

You know, many of those points are valid. Yes, wearing hijab and abayaat do cause you to stand out more. My family has never celebrated Christmas as a religious holiday. Allah never said some men and women weren't CAPABLE of just being friends. But still, it's not permissible.

I've had the same conversation with myself. I've done the wrong thing, made the wrong choice many times. I will also be judged for that so I have to really weigh what is important.

I think sometimes, we as Muslims, get so caught up in the haram/halal debate. We are so eager to find that loophole, to be able to say, "Ah-ha! So you CAN'T prove I'm wrong." Yes Islam is meant to be easy, it's meant to be beautiful and peaceful and loving.

However, as Muslims we need to look at our actions in a different light. Yes, Allah swt told us that the world He created, this beautiful, crazy, messed-up world, all in it is halal unless He tells us it's haram. This is a simple and beautiful way to view our existence.

But for the true Muslim, the one who strives to submit to Allah, we don't look simply to the black and white of halal and haram. We ask ourselves, before we think of anything else, we ask if this is something that will bring us closer to Allah.

There are many examples I could share here, but this is something (as it's not haram/halal) that I am not comfortable to list here. It's a more personal thing and deals directly with our commitment to living a life that is pleasing to our Rabb.

The few things in the "but Ima convert" list at the top aren't always clearly haram/halal. I've heard some sheikhs who have said it's ok to attend a family function as long as you satisfy requirements A, B, C, etc... Others say, absolutely not!

So how does this tie into my original rant introduction? Subhanallah, my sisters, I will tell you this, when this thought struck me, it immediately humbled me.

The sahaba, every last one of them, were converts. They all made that conscious choice, they chose Islam, they chose to follow the Prophet Muhammad saws, they chose to do the thing that was pleasing to Allah.

The sacrifices they made make ours pale in comparison. So we get a little teary-eyed when we think of not being there to cut the turkey on Thanksgiving? Many of the sahaba lost every family member; they were shunned, they were outcasts, they were pariahs.

Suddenly that phrase, "But Ima convert" rings kinda hollow, doesn't it? If we view the above list in that light none of them seem to be so hard to give up/to do. The sahaba, subhanallah, gave up EVERYTHING they had to be Muslim. They lost their homes, their families, their wealth, often, even, their life.

Imagine, if we could pose some of these "dilemmas" to Sumayyah, the first martyr fi sabilillah. I would be ashamed to do so, my sisters. She was a wife, a mother; don't you think she had so many things she wanted to live for? Can we for even a moment so blithely assume she was happy to be a shahid? That she wanted to be tortured and murdered, her life gone from her body?

No of course not. She wanted what most women want: to be a wife, a mother, to be alive. She wanted to worship Allah. Instead, she gave her life in defiance of those who would try to stop the message of Islam.

Would it have been haram for her to remain a hidden follower? No. But she chose to do what was most pleasing to Allah; she chose the sirat-al-mustaqeem, that straight path that insha'Allah can lead us to Jannah.

My sisters, when I think of the sacrifices made by our beloved Prophet saws, by his beautiful wives, the mothers of all believers, by the sahaba... I know that my "reasons" are nothing more than flimsy excuses dressed up in self-congratulation and victimization.

May Allah swt bless us and our families and give us the strength to hold ourselves up to the example of RasoolAllah and the sahaba. Amin.

A give-away!!!

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. So I wanted to do a contest; I think most people do them to generate hits so they can get more "traffic" and thus be able to advertise on their blog. Most, but I'm sure not all.

However, I really just wanna do a fun giveaway. Nothing big, mind you (especially as the chance of it being shipped internationally is quite high!) just something to say "thanks for reading!" I've had over 20,000 hits now (since I started keeping track) and I wanted to celebrate. I write cause ya'll read and I'm always hoping I can say one thing to make somebody think or open their minds to a new way of viewing the world. :-)

I was trying to decide what to give away and came up with winner's choice of the following:

1. Animal print black and pink compact mirror- really cute little mirror. :-)

2. Lanyard for holding work i.d.  Great for nurses or those in security sensitive places. Suitable for sisters only, FYI.

Says "give peace a chance" :-)

3. 2 small, handmade sarubobo (from yours truly) or a small cross-stitched picture, either your name or flowers in colors you choose. :-) I don't know if the cross-stitch would be framed or not; don't want any disappointed viewers out there.

Not mine; I give away all my projects but it would be something petite like this. :-)

Hello, it's me, cute sarubobo!

OK I think that's about it. Rules for entering:

*You must be a follower of my blog. Hey, I gotta get SOMETHING out of it.

*Anyone is allowed. Um well not brothers/men (sorry for any men who might read this) because well... you should know why. :-)

*You don't have to be a Muslim to enter. Probably self-evident but just wanted to be sure you knew. ;-) We are equal-opportunity here.

*Please be patient; if you choose the hand-made option it could take up to 2 weeks before I ship it out. :-)

How to enter:

Please leave a comment below; I would love to know what type of posts you like best or if you have a favorite post of all time. :-) No constructive criticism, please. lol 

Contest ends in one week. This is just in case some of my dear readers are out of town, sick, or just tired of being chained to a computer. Fair 'nough? Yep, I thought so.

I'll let the winner know with a post on here and then you will know to contact me. If you have a blog or blogger id I'll also try to get a hold of you that way ok?

Alrighty, let the fun begin!

I have a newly diagnosed disorder....

Alhamdulillah I was born too late to fall prey to the "goth steampunk" look. I woulda fallen HARD. Just sayin' :-)

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. I've just been diagnosed with a disorder which, unfortunately, has been a problem for me for quite some time. It's called "fashion schizophrenia" and I am afraid I have a fatal case. :-D

My entire life, no one has EVER accused me of being "fashion forward". After a very unfortunate 80's inspired teenage era I moved straight into a straight jeans and t-shirt phase. Oh wait, before that, while in college, I did try to look more fashionable. I bought a track suit. You know, the shiny, noisy ones made out of some kinda of synthetic material, in multi colors, the kind still sported by old dudes out walking in the mall? Hmm. In my defense they were ALL the rage back in the early 90s.

Mine was white with lime green and purple. Possibly some black to perk it up. lol. I wore with it a shirt that had cacti made out of sequins. I still remember it (with convulsions of guilt mingled with disbelief!). It appears I either dressed oh no, over-the-top or just tried to be as unobtrusive as possible. Anyway I do have a picture of me in this fine suit.

I would even be willing to scan it and post it here but our scanner is on the fritz. Oh and I had a fake butt on as well. Yes, dear readers, I did. A fake bottom. False behind. Whatever you wanna call it. I saw one advertised in a magazine. Much to my chagrin, this baby didn't have back. :-D I was bottom-challenged and it was a sore point with me. So much that I parted with about $50 of my hard earned dollars and bought this... this foam monstrosity.

I even wore it. Once. In the unfortunate track suit photo mentioned above. Alhamdulillah I had the good sense to realize it was ridiculous but allowed my then-boyfriend (the boys' eventual father, my soon-to-be husband) to snap a pic for "posterity". (Haha, posterity for my posterior. Funny!) Or more likely, to remind me to never experiment with color again!!!!

OK so after the disastrous attempt to be colorful and stylish, I did the "I don't care how I dress" phase, the jeans and t-shirt Jeanna. Comfy stretchy jeans and men's t-shirts, to be exact. Oh my.  After that, when I had a job that demanded dressing up, I morphed into "old lady at 25" with sensible slacks and polyblend tops. Yes top, not shirts. In my defense, my sensibly-dressing MIL bought my work wardrobe for me, as I didn't have the funds. Still shuddering...

Then came my entrance into the world or dressing more like a woman and one who isn't having a psychadelic flashback to some groovy time. :-) I lost some weight (quite a bit, I was very sick prior to dialysis) and realized that a) I was actually a woman b) I didn't have to have a perfect anything to look nicer and c) I could somewhat rely on my own sense of style.

Well don't you know c is the one that came back to bite me on the butt? Because of my well-earned distrust of my fashion sense (don't you know that term was an oxymoron for me? lol) I had lost all faith in my ability to put together an outfit. So if I found one thing I liked, that wasn't obnoxious, I wanted to buy it in every color. This is the Dialysis Diva phase btw. :-) Not so diva but better...

I wore jeans that fit and had found a longer, a-line, cap sleeved tshirt made by Hanes her Way at Wal-Mart. I bought a grey one. Ahhh the comfort, the fit, the love... I then proceeded to buy a navy, a red, a black and a white. Yeah, I did. And I pretty much just wore those. :-) I had a few other things I would vary it with but this was indeed my daily uniform. Dear Readers, I felt pretty for the first time in a looooong time. Not just capable or dependable or acceptable but pretty.

This is also called my "Sporty Spice" stage. I bought alot of sporty knits, any top with a stripe was game for me, and paired with a long denim skirt or similar.

And all it took was a $7 t-shirt. :-))  But I digress... Oh this is gonna be a long post, I can feel it. You know, it's cathartic to get rid of all this shame that's been building in me for years. I'm actually surprised no one in my family did an intervention. Well one friend did she forced lovingly encouraged me to buy a couple of dressier sandals, more fitted tops, a dress or two. I acqueisced but never felt comfortable in them.

OK sorry back on track. So after the dialysis stage I kinda settled into my style; understated, comfy but feminine. Not racy, not sexy, but definitely not as modest as I dress now. So let's just skip ahead to now, which is actually the entire reason I started this post!

This is when my fashion schizophrenia really manifested itself. Before, I couldn't settle on any one (horrible) look. Now I can hop from abaya to shalwar kameez to long jean skirt and cotton top. I like pretty shoes and nice purses but my favorite footwear continues to be my men's leather sandals which I would happily wear everyday if this crazy weather here would cooperate! Comfort is my queen but I as long as it feels good and is modestly-fitting I can go crazy!

I have some jalabiyya that are decked out in sequins and fringe, a couple of very sophisticated abayaat that make me feel like an Arabian princess, shalwar kameez ranging from daily wear cotton to a bridal-type in rusty red and gold. I'll glame it up for 'Eid or I am happy to wear my "old faithful", a black abaya, my first abaya ever, gifted to me by a sweet sister. It has a scissor hole in the hem from a Muslim Scouts meeting (my fault, not a child's lol) and I have to re-sew the underarm seams periodically. Hands down my favorite abaya EVER. Not stylish at ALL.

You all know by now my predilection for the tie-back, polyblend khimars. Now I've added a couple of overhead abayaat to the mix. I'm learning how to wear them gracefully but the idea of them is uber-appealing. :-)

Now that I'm married to a Tunisian Arab he has less appreciation for my "eclectic" fashion sense. :-) Masha'Allah my husband is very plain and I am usually very plain as well, happy as a lark in my plain abaya and khimar.

But sometimes... the fashion schizophrenia flares up and I long, just for a day, to be the Arabian Princess or the Indian Rani or even the Funky American Revert. Just for a day... :-) 

I feel guilty when I see my closetful of clothes. Correction, closet FULL of clothes. Most of them unworn now, feeling unloved, unneeded. :-D I still have affection for them but no opportunity to wear them. In my home, I'm a busy mama and I don't have the time or the reason to wear something nice. Outside of my home, I dress modestly which for my husband means on abaya and which for me generally means abaya. (I feel some other things are very modest but have worn abaya so long, by my own accord, and now as a means to please my husband, that I wouldn't change.)

Any of you out there fellow fashion faux-pas-ers? :-)

This isn't a joke...authubillah :-(



WTHeck???

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. I've spoken about our small town before. Hudson, Mass. It's a quaint, picturesque, fairly typical little New England town. In the year I've lived here I've come to like the vibe here; small town attitude but more diverse (due to proximity to Boston and we have alot of high tech companies here... think Intel, HP, etc...)

We have a beautiful little library that has alot of programs, especially for their size. I just signed up for a new service called "wowbrary" which is available for many public libraries. It lets you know what media is new. OK great. I woke up early (with the same headache I just can't seem to shake for the past 2 weeks) and saw I had my first wowbrary email in my box.

A few new movies, some light fiction, couple of better books... then I saw the above cover. Um yeah. A book on animal husbandry taken to a new level? Nope, a book on teen sex. And we're not talking teen sex as in the grainy film most of us in the US were shown in 4th grade like "You and Your Body" where a girl keeps a journal talking about her "Aunt Flo" (a term I vehemently abhor!!!! lol) or her friend "Dot" instead of just saying her period.

Nope, this is full-on nothing but sex. Not just straight sex either, explaining the difference between say the vaginal opening and a urethra. Here is a lil excerpt for ya'll who might be thinking, Oh Umm A, you're kinda sensitive about this:

"Thinking about having sex? Or just thinking about sex? Well, there's a lot to think about. And if you're a teen, you should get educated before you get busy so that you can make healthy, informed decisions. Written by the host of the popular online Midwest Teen Sex Show, this honest, funny, and in-depth read features chapters on all things sex, from sexual orientation and masturbation, to foreplay, first-time concerns, birth control, and protection against diseases. It also provides answers to questions posed by real teens on things you definitely want to know but might be afraid to ask."

That was the description given by the library website. Below is the description I found by clicking on the "more info" button which sent me to Amazon.com. Hmmmmmm. A bit different.

"The cover image of one cow mounting another in silhouette is the first signal that this excellent resource takes a frank, funny approach to sex education. Hasler, a columnist who answers teens’ questions in her own “webisodes” and on the school speaking circuit, is more colloquial than clinical as she delivers a wealth of accurate information. Readers will find basic facts about anatomy, hygiene, and birth control (“Toothpaste is not a spermicide”), but they’ll also discover straightforward coverage of more typically taboo subjects, such as sex toys, fantasies, and fetishes. From definitions of GLBT terms to guides to safe sex, regardless of teens’ sexual orientation, the book’s inclusiveness is rare and welcome. Never judgmental (one section is entitled “Shame, Guilt, and Other Nonsense”), Hasler encourages teens to take ownership of their bodies, make informed decisions, and get help when necessary, especially if they think they have an STD: “Don’t sit around . . . writing e-mails to online health forums.” Lighthearted cartoons and well-chosen resources complete this indispensable guide for teens seeking reliable, explicit facts about healthy sex. Grades 10-12. --Gillian Engberg"

Call me what you will, a book-burning Nazi, an opponent for freedom of speech, I DON'T CARE. No teenager needs to know about sex toys, fantasies and fetishes. This is a sickness, a disease, and I am appalled and sickened that this book was ever written. As I said, I wouldn't have been a fan of the book just from reading the first review, thinking it was too explicit and probably written very tongue-in-cheek when in fact, pre-marital sex is NOTHING to joke about.

However, this second and much more revealing blurb about the book actually sickened me. Do you remember being a teenager? Being so curious about things, all the changes in your body, all the confusing emotions and angst and difficulties that can sometimes be part of the territory? I don't think it's helpful to give them a manual describing all of the variant and deviant behavior one can indulge in or be pulled into.

Even more disturbing was the fact that in a few of the libraries in our area, it is in the YOUNG ADULT section. Here in Hudson our library is part of an area wide coalition that allows members to borrow material by requesting it online or by calling the library. So you have a very wide array of books, movies, etc available. At several of the member libraries this book is available in the Young Adult section which means any child can pull it off the shelf and peruse it's contents.

Alhamdulillah in Hudson at least it's on the Adult level which library cardholders 12 and under cannot access unless a parent is with them. Once they turn 12 or 13 they can apply for an be given free pass to the adult section as well. (Not Adult as in XXXAdultXXX btw just the grown-up area. lol)

I am very interested to hear ya'lls comments/thoughts on this. I know for myself, I would never allow my daughter to read this filth. It brings all the worst elements of western sexuality and lays them out like a buffet for impressionable teens to pick through.

Would you let your child read this? Would you read this? Are you as appalled as I am or do you feel there should be more freedom of information? I am curious to hear.

Leave your comments, please. Ma salaama ya'll...

A confession

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. I know you must be groaning, Whaaaaat? Another post about HIJAB? Yes I share the same sentiment as many of you; it is not the most important aspect of a Muslim woman. However it is something that is so much a part of me, something that has been mandated on me by my Rabb, and something that I do think on from time to time. And now I get to share my musings with you all. :-)

Do you ever have that feeling like your spirit cannot be contained? Wild rushes of joy, an intense desire to burst out of your skin, to break into a billion tiny prisms of light and be blown about by the wind? I feel this way sometimes. Often, actually, before I became serious about not listening to music.

Oh how those notes can carry us away, transport us on the wings of ecstacy (or agony, as the writer dictates).  Make us forget our cares while we hum along to our favorite tune, recalling a more carefree time. How we long to recapture those moments, to relive that moment again and again and again! This, my sisters, is the lure of music. It is beautiful, haunting, melodic, heartrending and absolutely addictive. I would be unable to name even my favorite style of music as so many held a place in my heart.

Please, before I get accused of waxing raphsodic ;-) know I am saying this to make a point, not to glorify music. Music arouses an animal passion inside us that is difficult to contain. It can, by virtue of a few notes, make us on the brink of yearning for what we can never have again, the past. We cannot recapture moments in time nor can we recreate them at will. We have to be content in the present, to make this day, THIS moment, be the one that counts, the one that we are living in.

And in that moment we need to have remembrance of Allah. I've heard many sisters say they just can't find nasheed that excites them as popular music does. I am here to say I don't think it should. We are not Pentecostal Christians or A.M.E. members, we do not speak in tongues, and fall into wild faints, and sing and dance shamelessly to glorify Allah.

We should glorify Him, His name be PRAISED, with every breath in our bodies, with our thoughts, our salaat, and yes even our intimacy with our husbands. In all ways, we as Muslims submit to and glorify our Creator. Subhanallah.

Uhhh excuse me, Umm Aaminah? Weren't you going to talk about hijab? :-D Oh yes, dear and gentle reader (big LOL here) I was. Please let me continue.

I was driving to get the kids from their religious studies on Saturday, having left Aaminah at home with Baba while they both napped. (Lucky ones!) The car was to myself, I had some peace and quiet. I switched on the public radio channel and thought, oh let me see what else might be on.

B I G mistake. As I was scanning through the stations (it used to be dialing, remember THOSE old radios?? lol) I heard the unmistakable sound of a great song. Oh me oh my, yes I did. "American Pie" a folksy song by Don McLean, an anthem to teenage angst before it was en vogue. I started humming along (feeling guilty mind you) and then here came the chorus...

"Bye bye Miss American Pie, drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry, them good ole boys were drinking whiskey and rye and singing 'This'll be the day that I die, this'll be the day that I die'".

By this point, right as the song moves into how he watched his girl dancing it up in the high school gym, I was singing along merrily, nay, lustily, loudly, happily, giddily, carefree and with wild abandon.

And I glanced at myself in the mirror. I saw my hijab, my symbol of SUBMISSION to Allah, this outward sign which cries out to all: "Here is a woman who honors her Lord first and reserves herself for only those who are worthy". And yet, I was giving way to my animal passions, to the lure of the music, driving a little faster than before, smiling and singing and looking a little crazy.

I don't mind that last part so much, looking crazy. I'll gladly do it for my daughter, to make her smile and laugh. In my home to amuse my husband or friends or family, I am silly and fun-loving and well a little weird at times. :-)

I had an epiphany. Yes my hijab is to remind me of Allah and my submission to him, to remind me to be modest and quiet, to help me remember I represent Islam to most anyone I happen upon that day.

However for me, it holds another dimension. It restrains me. It keeps me together than I feel like flying into a million pieces and disappearing. It keeps me from giving into those animal passions: lust, desire, greed, selfishness.

I am sure some of you reading this (mostly non-Muslims I hope!) are thinking, what a drab and dull life. No, not at all and that is NOT the point! My point is, as a Muslim especially, we are not to be ruled by our baser desires. I do not want to be ruled by lustful thinking or be lead around by my emotions. We know this life is about more than just doing what feels good, what makes us happy. Muslims are not part of the counter-culture movement where all is free love and groovy.

This is why our marriages are stable, our husbands (for the most part, I KNOW there are exceptions) are not looking to trade in their "starter wives" for a newer model. We are in it for the long haul, we are committed to each other and to our deen and that, THAT, is what will keep us on the course when things get tough.

So my sisters, my hijab also keeps me grounded when I might otherwise (figuratively) fly. It is my visible anchor, it keeps me grounded. I am grateful to Allah for all His blessings and I am grateful for my hijab.

Ma salaama ya'll....