November 4, 2011

And yet again...

A'salaamu alaikum. I received another couple of comments from an anon. I wouldn't repost it here except they cast aspersions on my ex-husband A. So it made me think, if one person feels this way maybe others do as well. So I have decided to post our comments here.

AnonymousAnonymous said...

thats why you should never consider leaving these awesome countries you are born in for some muslim country where even their citizens don't have rights. btw i was born and raised in a muslim country and moved to usa. i found this country gives me freedom to practice whatever i want to practice much better than my muslim majority country.

coolred blog is an example why should you not leave your country or marry a foreigner.

Umm Aaminah said...
Anon, I am not sure where your comment came from. I do enjoy the rights and priveleges that I have as an American citizen. I do not agree with US foreign policy on almost all issues, however.

As for moving to a Muslim majority country or marrying a "foreigner" that is purely up to each individual. I love to travel and would love to be able to visit more countries. I prefer to live in my own. Many sisters are very happy living overseas and I am happy for them. Many are also happy with their foreign-born husbands.

Although A and I divorced, he was never anything but kind and respectful to me. I wish him the best in this life and the next, amin.

Apparently this did little to soothe Anon's worry for me. Next I received:

Anonymous said...
ok then why did he divorce you? why did you have to leave his house with no money? why is he not paying you now?

So here is my reply, not being posted to the comment box:

As I stated, A has been nothing but kind to me. Yes I left with no money but that was of my own volition. Although I am sure it is none of your business, he is paying my relocation fees upwards of $1000. He is in NO way obligated to do so; he is merely doing it because I am his sister in Islam.
Also he has packed up all of my belongings and moved them to storage until my apt is ready to move into here. Once again, only fi sabilillah.

Our marriage ended because of personal issues which had NOTHING to do with our shared religion. We both have faults and I will not detail any of his here although mine I frequently admit to.
A wife is to hold a husband's secrets and that pertains even after divorce. Therefore anything about A is no one else's business.

He is not obligated to pay me anything. I left our home of my own desire. I requested khula which he assented to due to the issues we jointly had.  Khula is where the woman is able to request separation and it involves (usually) the foreiture of the mahr. I've written about it on here before. We partly amicably and with sadness as well.

He was never anything but kind, courteous, and appreciative of anything I ever did for him. He treated me as a cherished wife, friend, and advisor. Divorce will not change my opinion of him and I pray Allah swt gives him the best, amin.

I hope that answers your questions!


Anonymous said...

assalamu alaikum my dear sister,
i am really surprised to know, why you have asked khula from a nice muslim who is your husband?..
you still admire him even after divorce...a strange sort of story.
but alhamdlillah, you still have faith in islam and always praise allah for whatever happenings in your life.
The Quran informs us what to do when we face these tests in our life and also tells us about the reward that we will receive if we are successful in dealing with the situation in the way we are expected to:
"Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere, Who say, when afflicted with calamity: "To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return":- They are those on whom (Descend) blessings from Allah, and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance. [Quran 2:155-157]
i pray deeply from my heart for your happy life and jannah hereafter.

sarah said...

@ Anon
That was so rude of you!Her life is none of your business, nor anyone else's business!
if you're looking for gossip or drama, there are soap operas for that!
@ UmmiofAminah - i follow your blog purely because i like sad people follow blogs only to pry into others' life!

Bonnie said...

At the end of the day no one can truly know what went on in a marriage except for the couple involved nor actually is it anyone elses business.

Marriages dont work out for all kinds of reasons actually, not just because the husband sent the wife packing...

Sis you have reatined your dignity and honour throughout all of this I admire you SO much xxx

Umm Aaminah said...

Just because A and I are practicing muslims does not mean we do not have our problems or differences. Culture, personal preferences, all of these issues can cause problems. As I said, A and I had problems but I will not tell tales from our marriage. It may seem strange but I am very happy we are able to be divorced without hatred.

Umm Aaminah said...

Btw, thank you my sweet sisters!

Um Zakarya said...

Assalamu Aleykum sisters,

MashALLAH I really rate your humility and dignity at all time.I really love the fact that you never display A's faults or shortcomings.As we all know, most of the times, when marriages end up in divorces, both husband and wife have their own faults, and whatever happened, it was all Qadr ALLAH.I guess that living far from your sons was also something you couldn't bear anymore, and it probably played a role in your decision of divorcing.
I pray that ALLAH SWT give you a stable life with little Aaminah from now on InshALLAH.Ameen.And who knows, the right brother might be living just at the other side of the street, try to cross this street and have a look around lol.

lot of love

Mona Z said...

Seriously, people need to mind their own business and stop asking personal questions. UmmAaminah has been more than gracious when most would have every right to be rude. I wish you the best Umm A.

Anonymous said...

I am the anon who originally asked those questions on other thread. I regret commenting on your blog, I am sorry. i wish you very best and i hope your family and friends will help you go through this difficult phase. it will soon pass insha Allah.