December 6, 2011

Introducing the newest member...

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. Sorry I just can't get into the hang of updating again. Before, I had a very ordered life and writing was a very important outlet for me. Now I feel like I stay busier but in happier ways (not as frantic as before) and my desire to write has dropped off by the wayside.

By the way, if any of ya'll are staticians, you would see this correlates nicely with my "love" life by which I mean married life. :-) When I am single I am so busy taking care of EVERYTHING I don't have the luxury of sitting around, thinking about the world's problems. :-) Once that area of my life gets settled, I always have much more free time.

And what is your status, UofA? Well now isn't that the million dollar question. I hate hate hate hate hate (ok not really so strongly) when people suggest and hint at things but never spill the beans so to speak. So I shall endeavor to keep my openness and transparency alive and well.

I can't say. :-))

Oh that's funny. OK yes alhamdulillah I am engaged. I am not asking for advice or support in this issue, dear readers. It's done and dusted as the English say and I'm all set (my nod to Massachusetts speak).  I have made my selection carefully and will, in due course, update you all. I thank my reader who very sincerely have her advice that I concentrate on my daughter and my life, finding a way to support ourselves sans husband.

I've done that, for most of my life actually. I've never been married long enough to feel stable alhamdulillah. I no longer feel like I have to prove anything, to myself or the rest of the world. As a Muslim woman, I am entitled to have a husband or other mahrem who will take care of myself and Aaminah. But sisters, I do not mean simply financially. I mean emotional support. That kind that comes from the male of our species. :-) Someone to hold my hand and kiss my forehead, someone to take bugs out of the house *s* and to snuggle up with when watching a movie.

More importantly, someone to grow in my deen with, to encourage and be encouraged, to love and honor and respect, to have someone to take care of again. Oh how I miss that! Yes I take care of little Aaminah and others but it's just... different with your husband. It fulfills a part of me and makes me indescribably happy. Making that post-fajr tea or preparing a favorite dish; what can I say, I am a nurturer to the nth degree and I am happy being this way. :-)

However in the past I have nurtured others and ignored myself. I will definitely be looking for more balance this time, someone who can baby and be babied and yes, sisters, I need that too. To be treated sweetly, like a glass vessel masha'Allah. How perfect is all of Allah's creation and how beautifully he has made us for one another. I still trust and believe in this sisters, despite it all, because of it all. :-)

I love my sisters in Islam, I love my community, I love my family, my children. I am blessed beyond compare but I, like so many others, want what I do not have. For me, my holy grail is a good marriage, stable, with a loving, kind, funny, affectionate, practicing brother. I have amended my definition a bit as I have gotten older of what makes a great husband. I use to want the whole package; how tiring, looking for something that doesn't exist. :-) I cannot be everything, I can just be me. I can't expect more than that of my brothers, now can I?

So what am I doing different this time? Personal references baby from someone who reallly knows the person. It's very nice for the imam to give a good reference as I got for A but that doesn't really tell you what the person is like outside of the masjid, in a home setting, when we are bad-tempered or sick. So my very best friend Um Bilal is married and her husband is a wondeful person masha'Allah. His best friend of 13+ years was introduced to me and I am pleased to say that the brother has been everything I was told he was.

Now, here is where the full-disclosure ends. Abu B's friend is a very private sort of person. I have of course already directed him to my blog to find out how I feel about everything from refrigerated hashbrowns to matters of our ummah. So he is aware I have this space and I write in it. After marriage, my content might change depending on what he is comfortable with. Of course I am hoping certain things will still be ok with him but as I've never been particularly private I definitely want to make him comfortable.

I do however, have a photo of him I snapped today that I would love to share. Enjoy!

Yes it's not really him, my new man isn't made from legos. :-) But he is a pirate (we'll call him Cap'n) and he is from the Caribbean and other than that, I must keep mum. Insha'allah post wedded-bliss, we will see what transpires. I hope to keep you all updated on my life and times, my sads and happies and always always always my striving to be a better muslimah, wife, mother, friend and human being. :-)


Bonnie said...

Mabrook! I am so happy for you :) You deserve all the happiness in the world and inshaAllah you will get it!


Um Zakarya said...

Assalamu Aleykum my dear sister,

Congrats on the new "fiancé" :)
Alhamdulillah, I think the way you've met him (through people you really trust and who really know him very well), is definitely the best way to find a husband.he won't be that someone popping out from nowhere about whom you'll find everything out once you're "stuck" with him, between 4 walls.
I can relate 100% to everything you're talking about.
May ALLAH SWT make it easy for you and your future a happy wife InshALLAH :)

Lot of love to you and Aaminah.

umm abdurrahman said...

Assalaamu Alaykum

Maa shaa Allaah tabarakAllaah - Alhamdulillaah, very good news sis! wasalaam,

Rene´s Bare Essentials said...

Alhamdulillah to your engagement! I know how hard it can be to be single (Ive been divorced before). For those sisters who have never been married and divorced its hard for them to understand why us sisters want to get back into a relationship and not take a few years off to focus on ourselves and our children. There is nothing wrong with getting back into a relationship so soon so pls dont let anyone discourage you. Men do it all the time, and there is nothing in islam that discourages women from remarrying!

May your husband-to-be be everything you desire and more! Ameen.


HijabiMommy said...

Masha'allah, that's great news. I was just thinking of you this past week and wondering if you had moved into your apartment yet. Wishing you only the best!

♡ αmαℓ said...

Mabrook!! You sound so happy, mashallah :) I wish you the best, sis.

madrasimuslimah said...

assalaamu alaikum sis,
Alhamdhulillah I am so happy for you.May Allah bless you with a happy married wife that lasts for a lifetime.

Anonymous said...

If my score sheet is correct, this is husband number 4....WOW, at this point someone in you position would rethink this whole islam/marriage thing.

amatullah76 said...

Khair inshaallah.
But "house *s*"????????

Anonymous said...

Assalamu alaikum
Alhamdulillah and Mabrook sister,
I was afraid of coming back to your blog thinking you may have some sad experience to tell about your present life which really makes the reader little bit sad about a Muslimah (you) who is living in a free country USA and there is no Muslim family of your own to support you emotionally or religiously.
As we all know you never expressed those shortcomings in your posts whatever you face from Muslim community or whoever but still the reader would feel your pain by your so cool posts.

This time I am so happy to know you got a practicing Muslim as your husband.
Alhamdulillah again and may Allah always be with you and keep you happy.

simy said...

asalamualaykum ukhti xx

alf alf mabroukk xxx so happy to hear the great news mashaAllah tabarakAllah. may Allah shower you both with His blessing may He make this a strong companionship in deen and duniya and may ur soon to be husband treat you like a queen hehe ameen

love you loads my dear sister and i love how u wrote this post :-) to the point and beautiful x

may Allah be with you an keep you strong as always ameen

simy x

Umm Aaminah said...

Salaam ya'll! Sorry late in replying/posting some comments. Still not getting comment notices in my new email addy. Hmmmm...

Anyway a big ole southern-sounding jazakum allahu khairan for all the du'a coming my way.

Amatallah786, I meant smile by the *s* not more than one house. Sorry for the mix up. :-)

To my one anonymous naysayer, the fact I have not had a successful marriage in NO way reflects on Islam. I am happy being a Muslimah and have never ever regretted becoming Muslim. Marriages good or bad notwithstanding.

Oh and husband #4? Nope sorry, you didn't count right. :-) Enjoy!

Um Zakarya said...

Haha, "Oh and husband #4? Nope sorry, you didn't count right. :-) Enjoy!"
Loved this soooo much looool, what a great answer.Let the anon haters drown in their hatred.

Lot of love to you and mabruk again on your *th future marriage :)

Anonymous said...

Oh, not number 4? My bad.

Lets see, your boys have one father that you married. Your daughter has a different father that you married. Then there was Mass A. Now this new brother. Did I leave one out?

Stranger said...

may Allah bless u always sis! Congrats!!

Umm Aaminah said...

Anonymous, perhaps you are over-taxing your mental faculties. :-) Please do not feel the need to leave anymore "unowned" comments; I shall not post them.

And erm, you are still incorrect. :-D

To all my lovely sisters, thank you so much. I love you all fi sabilillah.

nikeeya said...

as-salam. i'm from malaysia. nice to know this owner blog .lots of love :)