On being a working mom

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. As you know I've joined the ranks of millions of other American women: I am a single working mother, struggling to pay the bills, spend time with my children, deal with the enormous amount of guilt I voluntarily shoulder, and trying to balance it all out. Add to that being a striving Muslimah with marriage plans and you have a recipe for overload.

I hate it. I love it. Does that make sense? I feel sooo grateful to Allah swt that He lead me to this job. I feel grateful I can support my daughter and myself. It's nice to be useful and respected in a workplace, most of us like to have the support and comraderie of our colleagues.

I hate it. I hate leaving Aaminah (even though with friends!) for me to go out to work. I cried when she said, "I don't like mamas to work. I don't need you to buy me clothes or food!". Subhanallah. How children, as always, distill a thing to its purest essence.

My stance has not changed: mothers should raise their children. Sometimes we can't. :-( But we should and we should do everything in our power to be there for them. Sisters, please, I am not judging you. I am simply looking at how Allah swt created us. Who carries and bears the baby? The woman. Who historically looks after, nurtures, and teaches it? The woman. Fathers have their place, they are just as invaluable but in a different way.

We are told heaven is at the feet of your mother. Not because she worked and slaved in the outside world to put food on the table or clothes on your back (although if she did that as well you dang well better be loving on her now!!!!) but because she carried us in hardship and bore us in pain and raised us and taught us and loved us. Unconditionally.

So maybe some of us didn't get that but nowhere does Allah say "Respect your mothers if they were perfect". We are instructed to treat them with respect and be obedient as long as they do not ask us to do the haram. Khalas. That's it.

I'm hoping my children, despite my myriad of faults and all the times I haven't been there to "make it all better", will love and respect me. I pray they will make dua for me after I am dead and beseech Allah for mercy, forgiveness and Jannat-al-fidous for me, amin! I pray they can forgive my shortcomings and know that, no matter what, my heart was with them even when I myself wasn't.

And I pray for Allah swt to bless my provisions, help me maintain a grateful and humble spirit, and allow me to again be a full-time mama to my little sweetie. Amin!!!