January 10, 2012

On being a working mom

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. As you know I've joined the ranks of millions of other American women: I am a single working mother, struggling to pay the bills, spend time with my children, deal with the enormous amount of guilt I voluntarily shoulder, and trying to balance it all out. Add to that being a striving Muslimah with marriage plans and you have a recipe for overload.

I hate it. I love it. Does that make sense? I feel sooo grateful to Allah swt that He lead me to this job. I feel grateful I can support my daughter and myself. It's nice to be useful and respected in a workplace, most of us like to have the support and comraderie of our colleagues.

I hate it. I hate leaving Aaminah (even though with friends!) for me to go out to work. I cried when she said, "I don't like mamas to work. I don't need you to buy me clothes or food!". Subhanallah. How children, as always, distill a thing to its purest essence.

My stance has not changed: mothers should raise their children. Sometimes we can't. :-( But we should and we should do everything in our power to be there for them. Sisters, please, I am not judging you. I am simply looking at how Allah swt created us. Who carries and bears the baby? The woman. Who historically looks after, nurtures, and teaches it? The woman. Fathers have their place, they are just as invaluable but in a different way.

We are told heaven is at the feet of your mother. Not because she worked and slaved in the outside world to put food on the table or clothes on your back (although if she did that as well you dang well better be loving on her now!!!!) but because she carried us in hardship and bore us in pain and raised us and taught us and loved us. Unconditionally.

So maybe some of us didn't get that but nowhere does Allah say "Respect your mothers if they were perfect". We are instructed to treat them with respect and be obedient as long as they do not ask us to do the haram. Khalas. That's it.

I'm hoping my children, despite my myriad of faults and all the times I haven't been there to "make it all better", will love and respect me. I pray they will make dua for me after I am dead and beseech Allah for mercy, forgiveness and Jannat-al-fidous for me, amin! I pray they can forgive my shortcomings and know that, no matter what, my heart was with them even when I myself wasn't.

And I pray for Allah swt to bless my provisions, help me maintain a grateful and humble spirit, and allow me to again be a full-time mama to my little sweetie. Amin!!!


Anonymous said...

Alhamdulillah you are doing well! I was so happy to see you posting again. I was getting worried. I hate leaving my kids too, but I work out of necessity. The guilt never gies away. I do feel a sense of pride though. Not sure where it comes from, but I do. I support you!

God alone brings success, and he put this job in your path . I'm so happy you're getting settled. I like the little 'marriage plans' hint!

Do you have the same email?

Assalamu alaykum sis,


Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

Asalaam alaykom sister, wow I missed alot since I last checked in. You are in my duas, and Aaminah will adjust and love you even more for this one day;)

Umm Aaminah said...

Salaam sisters. :-) No my email did change but I tried to send a change of addy to my contacts. :-( Boo! New one is jeanna dot lawrence at yahoo dot com. Yeah I know some crazies might get it but my name on fb is here so whatcha gonna do?? :-)

OPNO my life is always on a bit of a roller coaster. But insha'allah it will settle down... then re-roll, then settle down ;-) I'm just trying to go along for the ride.

I fully intend to keep up posting but lack of internet access had been a barrier for sure. Now I have to satisfy Cap'n's demands for privacy... arghhh what's it with men and keeping it all under wraps??? lol

Ma salaama ya'll...

HijabiMommy said...

This is why I hope and pray I never have to work. The guilt would probably kill me. Besides, I enjoy being home too much! :P

Insha'Allah, Allah will bless you and reward you for all you are doing for your family.

And yea, can we have some more deets about this captain of yours??! haha, j/k, I totally understand the whole privacy thing.

Ameen to your dua!


Angelle said...

Sweetie, I am glad you found something that will work for your circumstances. Hang in there -- I have faith that it will all be for the best. (We may not see it now, but at a later date, the reason for suffering be clearer.) That said, I hope you can return to being a SAHM for sweet Aami.

You know you are always in my heart and prayers. You have my best wishes for your happiness and fulfillment in your new work and especially marriage.