October 6, 2011

And life goes on :-)

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. Soooo what's new with UofA? Wow really? I don't think I would have the time to go through it all. :-) So let's start at the top and one of the reasons my posting has been... nonexistant. :-)

My laptop broke. But... good news is A had purchased the extended warranty (which at the time I thought was wasteful) so I am getting it fixed but they had to send it off for repair. Thanks Geek Squad. :-) Anyway I'll have it back in a week or so insha'Allah. I've wanted to update but I hate using my friend's computer too much.

Another reason I've been absent so long is just waiting for things to calm down. I'm living with a friend (did I mentiont that?? I can't remember!) until my apartment is ready. It should be ready Nov. 1st. Insha'Allah! So I am really ready to be settled down, AGAIN, so I can get back into a normal routine.

Aaminah is missing her family in MA, miskeena little girl. She asked if her Baba was still her family. I said of course he is. She asked if she could live with him. I was almost devastated (except ok well she's 3 lol) but then she said, "Because I miss Basheq the cat". Masha'Allah how sweet children are. She really does miss them and I assured her that Baba and the kids are still her family but we had to move back to Tennessee.

She asked why they didn't come. Subhanallah, how her mind words. You can tell she's been thinking on this for a while. I hate to see her sad but alhamdulillah I think once we are living in our own apartment with her toys again, her books, etc., she will be more settled and happy. I mean right now she is having a ball! Friends all the time, trips to the masjid, having her family so close but still she is a little girl and misses what she knew.

Please make dua for her and for me that I can be both Mama and Baba for her. As yall know her Abi left her completely, has no contact, so she is, according to Islam, an orphan. Islamically a child without a father is considered an orphan; this has been hard for me to understand because with all of my children, I was the one who took care of them. Islamically that is also how the househole is ordered. Subhanallah this is a ruling of Allah's that I don't understand the basis for but accept it regardless.

Alright I have to go. Aaminah is reading a Toys r Us circular and picking out toys for baby Bilal, my friends baby. She says, "He is my little brother in Islam" masha'Allah. She has such a great accent masha'Allah when she says "Islam" and "Bilal" etc. May Allah help her grow to be a pious muslimah, a wonderful caring loving person, amin!


Um Zakarya said...

Assalamu Aleykum dear sister,

I was really happy to read your news.
Alhamdulillah for the extended warranty, see sometimes men know what to do lol.

I guessed so that Aaminah would miss A and the kids, I guess he's the only man who's been a real father for her, and she probably sees a real dad in him.Kids get used to a certain environment and love to have family around, just give her a bit of time and InshALLAH when you're settled in your own flat, things will get smoother.Are you planning to let her meet A and the kids again?Maybe you should enrol her to a daycare as this would help her to build a new friendly environment and set up a new routine.

A child who's got no father is considered as an orphan as it's the father who gives his name to the child and that's him who has to provide for them, so a child with no guardian/provider is therefore is an orphan and the mother can remarry without losing the child's custody and the new husband would become the guardian/provider for the child.This is according to my understand, ALLAH SWT knows best.

Being a single mom is definitely the hardest job ever, InshALLAH maybe ALLAH SWT will grant you a good husband who lives in your area, so you can be a mom to all your kids.

I'll definitely keep you and little Aaminah in my duas.

Lot of love to you and Aaminah from your french sister

Rene´s Bare Essentials said...

salaam alaikum,

I asked my husband about a child being an "orphan" and he said the word "orphan" in arabic refers to a child whose mom, dad or both have died, not just the father. Your child is not considered an "orphan" because you are still alive and raising her/them. Hope that helps!

Banana Anne said...

@ Rene: That is very interesting, the term "orphan" being more general than just the father being dead. It's also interesting in the case of adoptees; I was adopted at a young age, so according to Islam I am also technically an "orphan" (although I have been raised by my adoptive parents for almost my whole life and consider them my family). I really ought to brush up on the fiqh regarding orphans, considering that Islamically I am one and, Insha'Allah, I really want to adopt/foster children in the future.

Anonymous said...

As salamu laikum, I am terribly sorry to hear about your current issues and I hope that Allah will make things better for you and your family. Have you and your husband if the waiting period still remains tried counseling? If not you may contact me for help. Before walking away brothers and sisters should seek representatives to help find a solution if possible as stated in the Quran. With regards to your daughter she is not an orphan as her father is alive. And she has rights over him and you have the right to ask for financial assistance. I will insert a fatwa here: Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di said: But if one of them neglects their duties with regard to custody and care of the child, then he forfeits his guardianship and the other should be appointed instead. Al-Fataawa al-Sa’diyyah (p. 535).

Based on this, if the father refuses to spend on his children’s maintenance, he forfeits the right to custody, even if his refusal is aimed at hurting the mother. This indicates that he is not to be trusted to take care of his children’s interests. The mother has the right to ask him in court for maintenance of his children.

And Allaah knows best.

Please stop by my blog if you like assistance at

Umm Aaminah said...

Salaam sisters! JAK for the advice. :-) According to A, a child without a father to provide is considered an orphan which is what I based my statement on.

Her Abi has absolutely no contact with her; before, when A provided, I had no problem but now it's a different story. I need to get support from her Abi but Allahu alim... He hasn't been interested to do it for 3 years, I don't see him changing now.

Insha'Allah I will get back in touch with him (I only have an email address) and tell him she needs his help. We will see what happens.

Love you all!

Um Zakarya said...

Wasalam sister,

Let me add my 2 cents again.Hope if you contact him that everything will go well InshALLAH, and he won't start asking for custody or anything like this.Please think twice before getting back in touch with him.Maybe your life is more peaceful without him.ALLAH SWT knows best.I'm only talking with the best of intentions, hope you don't get offended.

Lot of love to you and Aaminah.

Umm Aaminah said...

Salaam again sis. :) I never mind advice, kindly given. I guess my issue is I have no money, no job, no support. So anything he could give would be a huge help.

Insha'Allah khair...

Um Zakarya said...

Wasalam again,

I understand the issue, I'm going throughn the same situation subhanALLAH.Can't you apply for your job at the Masjid?Or maybe they could help you to find a job in any muslim school, daycare, other masjid...
Can't you claim aid from the government as we do in Europe?
May ALLAH SWT make it easy for you.Ameen

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Anonymous said...

Assalamu alaeyikum.
You are always in my dua's my dear sister.

Shadia said...

Salam alaykum sister,
May Allah make your situation easy for you ukhti. Once you have your own place and get your daughter back into a routine, I hope she will adjust well insha Allah. In the meantime, it sounds like she's having fun! You are so lucky to have your friend to support you in such a dire situation. Good friends are such a blessing from Allah alhamdullah. By the way I've requested an add on fb. wasalam. :)

iva | in my studio | in my kitchen said...

assalamualaikum sis, may Allah make it easy for you!