July 21, 2011

Heartfelt post

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. This is a truly personal post, the likes of which I rarely put on blogger. However it's been weighing on me for a long time and I just feel like putting some of it out there.

I've been going through a very difficult time lately. If it were just one area of my life, no sweat. Two things going wrong, I can cope. Three things?? Dude, no worries.

It's not that easy this time. :-( Besides the fact that I am sick ( and getting sicker) I just have a lot of things that need to change.

Often when we go through trials in our life our iman suffers. Up one day, down another, fluctuating as we try to cope and move past or change our situation. I am no different; I have my good days and my less-than-good ones. :-)

Alhamdulillah I at least keep my sense of humor. It helps.

Well guess this isn't so heartfelt as much as it is just to let ya'll know why I'm being a crappy, sporadic blogger lately. You know I am very good at rolling with the punches and keeping an even keel, giving better than I get... are there anymore horrible cliches I can throw out there? lol

Of course part of it is the stress of my stepchildren plus some issues with A that just need to be straightned out. Alhamdulillah he was very receptive when I spoke to him about my concerns which is important in itself. Also my health worsening has just added to it all. I don't really get stressed over it but as I feel physically worse it makes keeping up with all I need to do even harder. I also have some inner issues that I have to decide how to handle.

Wallah it just feels like a lot to deal with at one time and my patience and stamina are running low.

So for now, I'm taking it one day at a time, doing the best I can and managing to neither run away nor hang recalcitrant kiddies by their toes. :-)

Please make dua for me sisters that I get my spiritual and personal house in order and ask Allah to give me patience and MORE patience, amin.


Um Zakarya said...

Assalamu Aleykum dear sister,

SubhanALLAH I know what you're going through (things have ben quite stressfull here as well).
All I can advise you is turn to ALLAH SWT, cry in dua, ask HIM to strenghten your Iman and help you making the best decision at all times InshALLAH.HE will listen as HE always does.
Keeping you in my duas my dear sister.

Lot of love from France

Banana Anne said...

I sincerely wish the best for you Insha'Allah, in all your affairs, especially your health.

May ALLAH grant you a complete, speedy recovery and reward you for your suffering, and may everything that is troubling you be worked out for the best, Ameen!

Umm Hamza said...

Salam walaykum dear sister! To throw in another horrible cliche`: "It's always darkest before the dawn". Sounds like Ramadan is coming at a good time for you beithnillah. I remember my best Ramadan, the one where I felt closest to Allah and was really practicing hard was when I had some MAJOR issues going on and I took it all to Allah during Taraweeah and fasting. May Allah strengthen your Eman and reward your trials with good deeds and bless you and your family as always, Ameen. Big hugs!
Salam Walaykum!

Anonymous said...

Awwww sis, of course you'll be in my duas. All my best to you, and if you need to talk and someone to hear, you can always write me;)

LOve you and take care of yourself.

Allah help you, ameen.

Um Zakarya said...

Btw I just noticed on your profile that you are now Ummi to 3, and stepmom to 3, whereas you used to be Ummi to 6.This whole stepmom situation seems to be a real issue for you.May ALLAH SWT make it easy for you.Ameen.

Christi said...

Inshallah, I will be praying for you and for your family during this stressful time that Allah will grant you peace and patience. Thinking of you.....
Christi :-)

Mona Z said...

May Allah make things easier for you and give you shiffa. Take care.

jana z. said...

you are a wonderful person and ive been blessed by getting to know you and becoming a friend. i pray so hard that your health will improve and i will make it my special mission to make you a priority in my prayers each and every day during Ramadan in hopes that Allah will take heed and grant you shifaa in shaa allah.

hugs friend

Umm Aaminah said...

Jazakum Allahu khairan to all of my sweet sisters! Wallah I felt a bit teary (egads, I'm gettin' old! lol) reading ya'lls comments.

It really meant a lot. I don't like to tell my family about my problems because I don't like to get them involved. A very Western viewpoint, no? :-)

BTW, Um Z, how astute you are! :-) Yeah I had to change how long I had been Muslim and I decided to edit that as well.

Asma Khan said...

Best wishes & prayers for you...
Have faith, everything will be OK :)

madrasimuslimah said...

assalamu alaikum sis,
I have been a silent reader for a while. First time I read your blog, my heart just went out to you. I understand your health issues, just be patient and constantly make dua Inshaallah all your prayers will be answered. you are always in my dua too.

UmmAbdulAziz said...

May Allaah Al- Akbar Al-Qadir help you and make things easy for you!

Anonymous said...

As salamu laikum,

My dear sister in Islam, I know that I've never met you in person but I am sending you a hug. By Allah's grace you have 3 more little ones to rear and mold into pious Muslims and never forget that every single small good deed is counted. And they will learn what you teach them, so teach them to care about your feelings and the importance of helping you and being neat. Reward them with a small candy after they clean up this will reinforce the habit of doing it. Also know that in times of stress it's good to take a minute to do a few deep breaths in and out maybe 5 or more and then remember how blessed you are. It's by His grace that you don't have to fetch water, or hand wash all of the laundry, or sleep with out warmth. This is the state of so many our sisters in other countries. And that's what I remember when I am tired and how the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)along with his family would have to survive on a few dates a day for 6 months. SubhanaAllah, and how he would sleep on a simple mat on the floor, and most of us have a warm cushioned bed. Then I remember when his daughter Fatima asked him (pbuh) for a maid because she was tired and would work so hard at home, he told her that I will tell you something better than that. And he (peace be upon him) said say subahanuallah, al humdilliah and Allah o akbar 33 times before going to sleep. Yes that's it and u know it helps you feel better and you'll have reward for doing dhikr. Next I would say perhaps you can give yourself sometime off by preparing a larger meal and spread it to next, which would leave you time off from making dinner. Also you can choose one day that everyone will have to eat something light like sandwiches or serve everyone on nice paper plates & cups on the weekends to avoid washing dishes.

If you are having health issues perhaps you can take everyone on walk or let them bike for at least 30 mins in your area to clear your mind and enjoy the day. Also give yourself sometime when they are asleep to do something you like maybe read, take a warm bath anything that you like as longs as it was something for you that makes you feel happy after doing it even if it's styling your hair and putting on some perfume. Lastly, remind your spouse that everyone needs a day off and that Allah loves for His servants to help each other and our Prophet(pbuh) used to help his wives at home, so follow his example for Allah and include youself will love him for it. I hope I have helped in some small way. Warm wishes and sakinah :)

Umm Aaminah said...

Sr Asma, thank you so much for leaving your comment!

Madrasimuslimah, jazaki Allahu khair for your dua and may Allah swt help you and keep you too.

UmmAbdulAziz, amin summa amin!

Sr. Aisha... I don't know how to thak you for the beautiful nasiha you gave me. Wallah as I said in my later post, it is when I see the love and care my sisters have for each other, even when they have never met, that warms my heart so.

Jazaki Allahu khairan, sis, and may Allah swt bless you!