July 12, 2011

When will the summer end?

A'salaamu alaikum. For the first month of summer we had guests here. For a full month, we had people here. It was so great, I loved seeing my son and my best friend but now that excitements over. What to do?

Really it's a quandary. Because of some issues in our family dynamics, I generally only take Aaminah and Zainab (the middle of A's children) with me. Sometimes I take Hafsa but often I do not. Now that it's summer and the kids are home all day it's really put a damper on our local travels.  I like to take Aaminah places, to experience things, to just do stuff, get out of the apartment, be active. Now it's almost impossible because I cannot take all 4 kids anywhere with me.

Although A does work where we live he does actually work. :-) So he can't just come home and stay for 3 hours while I take Aaminah somewhere. My stepchildren have the opportunity to go places with their mother and Aaminah should have the same time with hers.

This is one of the problems with a blended family. I don't want my daughter to suffer from lack of my attention or not get to participate in things because of her step-siblings.

I really don't know a way around this. I'm not complaining for complaints sake, just hoping by writing down my frustrations I can find a way around it. I guess I was so used to being a single parent with my boys (since Zack was 5 and Alex was 2) it's hard for me to structure what I want to do around other people's schedules.

Not so much my husband. During the school year it's easy-breezy. The older ones are in school and I am home with Aaminah. We run our errands and do little fun or special things. I'm just feeling this summer I guess. :-(

I know a lot of you will say, Oh just take all the kids. I cannot. Yousef has behavior issues and absolutely will not listen to nor will he respect me. I no longer take him anywhere with me, period. So once again, back to square one. I do have some sympathy for him, because he is always sad if I take the girls somewhere fun and not him but he has to own his actions and change his behavior.

I also wanted to start preschool with Aaminah this summer as she turned 3 in June. Now it's July and we still haven't started. I have to have quiet for her to concentrate and well... let's just say, quiet isn't in our family's vocabulary. :-(

Wow, this is a pretty whiney post. I think I'll stop it here before I annoy myself! Please make du'a that Allah swt makes it easy for me, amin.


Rene´s Bare Essentials said...

Salaam Alaikum,

That does sound frustrating. I wish I could offer advice unfortunately I have never been in a blended family. I find it challenging just watching safiya, let alone 3 more kids! How old are your step children? Is there a recreational building you could take your step children to, so they could play and give you some time alone with your daughter? I think the most challenging part is making sure no one feels left out yet at the same time you want to have some alone time with your daughter.

Anonymous said...

Salam aleikum
you write that the other kids get to do things when they are with their mom, so just use that time to do things with your daughter.
The rest of the time it would be better if you avoid making dictintions between the kids and try to do activities with the whole family.

HijabiMommy said...

That is a tough position to be in. :(

Maybe when the kids are at their mother's, you can do something special with Aaminah...??

I pray Allah makes it easy for you, Insha'Allah.

Hang in there, sis. Only Allah knows how much 'ajr you are getting for your patience and hard work in this. :)

Mona Z said...

Ah, that's what blogs are for. It's your blog and you'll whine if you want to. I can see what you're saying. I hope you can do some special things with just Aminah, even if they're little trips to the supermarket or library.

Um Zakarya said...

Assalamu Aleykum dear sister,

I agree with the sisters about trying to find a recreational center for your step kids where they could play while you would be able to do plenty of things with Aaminah, and also use the time when they're at their mom's to hang out with your little one InshALLAH.Can't they spend more time at their mom's as it's summer holidays?This would make things easier for everyone I guess.

Lot of love.