December 14, 2009
Hospital stays and husand-hunting forays
Well here is a pic of the yummy food at my hospital. lol OK so it's not really great but the women who deliver it are awesome. :-) I really like the hospital and the nurses and staff here. They are great to me!
Well alhamdulillah it's been a while since I posted and alot is going on. I have been really sick and in and out of the hospital. As you all know, I had a kidney transplant in 2002. Alhamdulillah! However the anti-rejection meds I take (twice a day for life) make is easier for me to get sick and unfortunately stay sick. Which is where I am now.
Since returning from UAE I have been hospitalized 4 times for an e coli infection that JUST WON'T GO AWAY! Alhamdulillah it isn't system/septic it was just in my urinary tract. Now however it has turned into a full-blown kidney infection (pyleonephritis) and in my transplanted kidney at that! Alhamdulillah my kidney function is ok but I have had pain, high fevers, and chills off and on now for two months.
When the kidney pain returned this weekend I had to come back to the hospital. They want to keep me for about 4 or 5 days total to give me i.v. antibiotics in the hope that this will knock it out once and for all. Please make dua/pray for me that these meds work. Having an infection for a long time can really wreck havoc on your body and I need it easy for a while. :-)
I have been searching for a new husband, sisters. Once my iddah was up I was halal and I really didn't feel like allowing the disapproval of others to stop me. If Allah says I am halal, then that's good enough for me. :-) I feel like I have been single for years now because both of my marriages post-Islam ended in divorce and they were not true marriages.
I know the sisters and brothers who think I am being hasty have good intentions but I really feel they are letting western ideals cloud their Islamic reasoning. I am not trying to substitute anyone for another, I simply want a good, practicing Muslim man who puts Allah first, his family second, and the rest of the world last.
Alhamdulillah I have met a very good brother masha'Allah. He was schooled in Shariah in KSA, teaches at an Islamic school in the northeast and has 3 children masha'allah. He has been caring for them since his divorce several years ago. His son told him, "I'll call you Baba in the morning and Ummi at night when you cook for us". Masha'allah!lol I feel very positive about this brother and here are some reasons why:
I changed my MO. As a convert I am restricted in how I can search for a husband. I don't have family to look for me and help me separate the wheat from the chaff and as I am older with children, no one in the masjid thinks of me for anyone unless they are old enough to be my father subhanallah. :-)
So while I did the Muslim matrimony website thingy I developed new rules. Here they are (and he passed all these with flying colors!!!!):
1. References, references, references. If a brother isn't willing to give me personal and family references, I am not interested. I don't expect it the minute we make contact because who knows? But if we make that intention to marry it is a must.
2. I have to meet or at least talk to his family prior to marriage. Sounds straight forward right? Well it never happened for me before and I always accepted the excuses. Not now; this is a non-negotiable for me.
3. When a brother wants to marry me "if..." I pass them by. I am not perfect, subhanallah, I know this. But I am worthwhile. Allah swt LED me to Islam. He tests me daily with a multitude of trials. I am learning to see my positives more than my "negatives" such as age, marital status, educational background, and weight.
4. If I feel uneasy for ANY reason, I take it as a sign from Allah. He gave me a brain and I feel He expects me to use it. :-) In the past, for a myriad of reasons, I would ignore those feelings and it led to disaster or at least divorce.:-) Untenable situations or half-truths, lies, I tried to justify. No more. I demand the same openness and truthfulness I exhibit.
5. I will not compromise on my important needs. I never thought my list was particularly stringent: a practicing Muslim who STRIVES for the pleasure of Allah and it SHOWS in his life, who loves his family, who is kind, affectionate, and willing and happy to spend time with me.
6. FATAL ERROR: One brother said to me, "It's ok you have a small daughter." WHAT? It's OK? Its a blessing from Allah and he should have been HONORED I would think of letting him help raise Aaminah. So big big BIG mistake brutha. lol
It's getting late but I think that is all. Of course I need to be attracted to him but really that is easy for me. I am not so picky. I like moderate to appropriate weight (I know the irony lol) and I reallllllllly like a beard. Oh masha'Allah a brother with a beard, straight in his behavior, on the sunnah, good with his deen, taqwa.... these things are so beautiful to me.
Anyway so this is pretty representative of what I am looking for and what I demand. The brother I have met is all of these things... and more. I pray Allah makes it easy for us. Amin!
Please keep me in your dua sisters; really I cannot keep doing this, trusting and being hurt. I just need a good zawj who fears Allah and will treat me like he would insist his sisters be treated. Not too much to ask. :-)