To end it all...

* This is Aaminah with the babydoll I bought her for Eid. She loved it! It talks and laughs and cries and sleeps and burps. lol She doesn't like to go anywhere without it masha'allah!*

A'salaamu alaikum. So we do things in this life with the best of intentions and yet, still, somehow, they come back to bite us in the rear.

I am talking about my recent marriage. It is over almost before it began. How strange really when I sit back and think I was only there for a month and then it could just end. Subhanallah.

I had to come back home because of my illness, and the fact I couldn't work there, and he lost his job. Fair enough, no one said marriage is easy or we always get what we want.

After I returned home I received no correspondance from him until I found out he was seeking a third wife. My viewpoint was, if you want a third wife, you should really be able to provide for the two you currently have. If he wanted a third wife he should have brought me back instead or spent some of that time with me, not searching for something else.

Subhanallah. I am not hurt now; I am practical and I thank Allah swt that it ended when it did instead of me hanging on, crying, begging, and just in general making a right @$$ out of myself. :-) Alhamdulillah I only did that for a couple of weeks and then asked to be released thru khula.

My waiting period is up and I am seeking another husband. I believe in the rulings of Allah swt and that a woman is available for marriage once her iddah is up. For khula you only have to go thru one cycle to ascertain there is no pregnancy and hand over your mahr. So alhamdulillah those things were accomplished and I am ready to move on with my life.

I am still searching for what I want: a strong muslim husband who will help teach and guide me, who will love and adore me, who will help raise my daughter as his own, who will be kind and caring and laugh with me. Who isn't afraid to let me see them cry. Who loves Allah swt and His Rasool more than anything in this dunya and who places his family above all other pursuits.

Insha'allah I feel positive and hopeful. I know that Allah swt has decreed this path for me; I am really working on becoming more patient and less demanding, on being a better Muslimah despite my circumstances. I cannot keep waiting for everything to be "perfect". I dont want perfection, I just want a marriage.

Ma salaama,

Umm Aaminah