April 27, 2012

The last word

Salaam ya'll. I removed the Chip-in because, while I do not feel I did anything wrong Islamically, I simply do not like controversy or conflict. It has obviously caused some people to look at my lifestyle and make assumptions about me that are untrue. While it annoys me it mostly hurts me. I know my heart, I know I try to be a good person, a good Muslim. I am not a money-hungry beggar and if having that little box on the side of my blog causes people to think that about me, well I'd rather remove it. Subhanallah, so not worth it.

It's funny, when Cap'n reminded me of the evil eye and haters, I was shocked. I just always assume everyone who reads my blog loves me. LOL No honestly. It always surprises me (and I am not saying ANY of the sisters who commented negatively hate me) that there are people who will read and follow a blog just to revel in any misfortune or to hate when something good happens. Please, let me reiterate, I am not saying this in regards to a specific person, this is just something that came up in conversation between myself and Cap'n.

He requested I stop sharing so much personal information. I never saw the harm in showing some photos of my home, in sharing when I found a really good price on used furniture, or talking about my children's accomplishments. I naievely assumed everyone would be saying "masha'Allah!" and well, just be happy for me. As proof, he pointed to this recent issue with the donation site. He said no one can see how hard life is for me day to day all they see is my happy smiling face, my beautiful, handsome intelligent children, and a blessed life. Guess it's a good thing I don't talk about Cap'n a lot or show his photo; talk about some haters then! ;-) lol

In my culture (southern U.S.) we love to hear about the good someone has experienced. Whether it's a promotion, a raise, a great deal at a yard sale... we are happy for our neighbor. Cap'n reminded me not everyone is like that I should be careful and not share too much of my life, of the good in it because of those who will hate and envy.

In the Name of Allaah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful: "Say: 'I seek refuge in the Lord of daybreak. From the evil of that which He created. And from the evil of darkness when it settles. And from the evil of the blowers in knots. And from the evil of an envier when he envies.'" [Quran 113:1-5]

OK I need to go. I had surgery last week to replace a dialysis tube and now I have to have a vein mapping procedure so they can decide where to put a permanent access. This is one of my least favorite surgeries but it's necessary alhamdulillah. Please make dua for me and my life sisters.

Masalaama ya'll...


Anonymous said...

I pray that you recover health soon.
This doesn't have to be published, but I don't know how to reach you privatly.
I'm concerned about your "fiance", I mean you answered to a sister that he couldn't help you because of his financial situation, please be careful that he is not using you as a door to the states.
I don't want to offend you, but there's many sweet talkers out there.
Once he gets here, who will support him and his family obligations back home??
I pray for you, and yes, it's good to be careful of what you disclose online.

HijabiMommy said...

It's funny that you mention it, but my mom is always saying the same thing to me about my blog and facebook...about how I share too much. I guess my mom and your Cap'n are on to something...smarties.

InshaAllah your surgeries go well.

Umm Aaminah said...

Betty, thank you for your concern. :-) In my case with Cap'n, he was introduced to me by my best friend's husband, a stellar brother with beautiful character. He has been best friends with Cap'n for over 15 years so I feel confident in Cap'n's character. :-) Once he comes here, he will i'A find employment and be able to assist his family back home. I hope that will put you at ease a bit for my welfare; I have been used in the past for greencard purposes; however Cap'n's father is a permanent resident of the US and Cap'n has been here many times in the past. He just loves his country and was content to stay there until he met me. :-)

Ooops, there goes my newly designed privacy policies. LOL After this, after this! ;-)

HijabiMommy, another congrats on your newest addition. Yeah, some people are just too smart for their own good. LOL Moms and husband-like people apparently. :D I personally am still fine sharing exactly what I share but I want Cap'n to be comfortable. He was like, they saw a photo of inside our home? It made him feel violated. lol In his culture, people are very private about their situations so we have had a learning curve. He'll see when he gets to the south; before long he'll be dishing with the saleman too! lol

Reva said...

Please bring the widget back. i request and insist

Kate Mcgovern said...

I read your last couple of posts yesterday as I was on my way out of the house to a wedding, so had no time to comment then... all I can say is how deeply sorry and shocked I am that you've had such negative feedback.. but, Alhamdulillah everything, even the bad stuff is an experience to grow and learn mashallah... inshallah all will be khair, and you'll be blessed with goodness in your dunya and your akhira, ameen


Umm Aaminah said...

Reva, thank you for your support but this was a decision I made with my fiance and I am happy with it. :) As I said, if Allah wants me to have something, it will come to me no matter what I do and if He does not will it, nothing I do or strive for will matter. :-)

Sr. Kate, thank you for your sweet comment and lovely reminder. :-)

Umm Aaminah said...

Sr. Kate, I cannot find the link to your blog. :-( Could you please leave it here? When I clicked on your name link (on your comment) it just took me to a generic google user profile.

JAK sis. :-) I wanna link to your blog on my sidebar if you don't mind.

Um Zakarya said...

Assalamu Alaykum dearest,

I pray for you to recover ASAP InshALLAH, and for Cap'n to be there even sooner InshALLAH.

SUbhanALLAH everything you mentionned in this post is the reason why I have stopped blogging about personnal matters.When you are down people give you advices that don't always benefit you, and when your life is going well, there's a lot of jealous and envious people out there who would love it to fall apart.
I also believe that we don't get barakah when exposing our personal life too much, as this might be seen as a lack of hayah.And ALLAH SWT knows best.

Lot of love to you sister.

Eszter said...

Oh dear, please ignore the people who try to hurt you... especially the ones who even try to appear to be "concerned" by your situation, islamically. You are a beautiful, kind, inspiring, yet incredibly strong and courageous person, so there is no reason to feel bad about the chip-in, or even sharing personal details of your life. However, I do appreciate your decision to remove the widget, even though I thought it was a great idea and was hoping it would help you in your difficult situation. Please get well soon, and take care of your precious soul not being hurt by envious anons!!!

Anonymous said...

Assalamu alaikum .
You got a beautiful soul my dear sister.
My humble Dua's for your speedy recovery.

Anonymous said...

Salaam beautiful sis, those people need reminding of the Ayah:

"O you who have believed, avoid much negative assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin" (Al Quran 49:12).

It beggars belief how they could assume that you were "begging" for charity without right, considering your circumstances and all. SubhanAllah. Some people man...

May Allah (swt) protect you from the evil eyes of the envious, Ameen.

I hope sis that this blog doesn't lose its lightness and positivity!Actually, i'm sure it wont because you overcome everything, Masha'Allah. We like to hear the good stuff about your situations and say 'alhamdulilah that our sister is happy!'

In our duas, Salaamz <3

Anonymous said...

Hello dear Aaminah :)

We don't know each other, but I really enjoy reading your blog now and then. I am really really sorry that you have to go through such hard times! I hope you will recover soon and completely :-)

I was not sure whether I should say something about this issue or not, but actually I am having very similar thoughts like the "Betty" who commented above. I am really a bit concerned about your Cap'n.

I mean, sure he might be agood friend of your friend's husband. But if I understood you correctly, this friend's husband lives in the US (probably since many years) and Cap'n lives in Jamaica. And even if they chat a lot or whatever, does he really know him and his intentions?
And you said that Cap'n's father used to live in the US and that Cap'n has been to the US many times but "preferred to stay in his own country". But then he doesn't even get a visitor's visa without your help... so would he really have a chance to live in the US without marrying you?
And then the fact that he doesn't want you to post anything about him... sure, he might just want to protect his own privacy, but what if he doesn't want anyone to know about the fact that he might marry you, because he might have a girlfriend in Jamaica or he is already planning to maybe leave you again some day when he has a permanent visa?

I know these are all just possibilities. But still, these thoughts are in my head and I had a feeling that I have to address them, because I don't want to feel that it might be my fault for not "warning you" when things really go wrong for you. Anyway, you don't need to publish this comment, I just felt I should write it.

All the best to you and your children!

Umm Aaminah said...

Rosa, thank you for your comment and your concern. However, I am very confident in Cap'n's true affection for me for many many reasons. :-) Also, yes I think I am worthy of being loved and I feel I am a great catch. ;-)

As for the visitor visa, many many people from poor countries are denied non-immigrant visas. It is at the discretion of the visa officer. Also, he is a Muslim alhamdulillah and it is very hard for Muslim males to get granted these type of visa so that only stressed us from the standpoint of wanting to be together.

As I said, thank you for your concern but I do not share it in the least and am looking forward to my (eventual) marriage. :-) Have a great day!

Reva said...

I share the same concerns as Rosa and and Betty but bit my tongue a couple of times before. It seems like you have made up your mind. Just want to say one thing, you sure a good catch but these things have happened and are happening to the most pretty, wealthy and attractive people. You have not attained any immunity by being a good catch.

I hope whatever is best for you comes your way. If he is not good he won't get Visa Insha Allah.

Muslim males getting Visa is not a problem really. If officer suspects them then they must have a good reason for it. Those guys see hundreds of such cases everyday.

Anonymous said...

asalaamu alaikum

I think I mentioned before...I am esp now fascinated with your posts...i'm in Nursing school and so its insightful to read about what your going through. My heart hurts though for you that you are going through all this right now, esp as you are trying to restart your life, move on and you have a little one., Allahu alim.
But I for one, am praying for you and rooting for you!

One a side note, yes sister, we must all be very very very careful about mischevious "shaytooni" people who are miserable, jelous types who are envious of everything. Ive learnt over the past few years to be even more careful what I share online and in person as anytime I go too much indepth...wallahi...something crazy happens which is not good! Now I just dont share all. It took me a long time to come to the realization that there are people-esp Muslims out there who are soo jacked up, but its true. So, in future, from now on...keep your southern hospitality tendancies to yourself least for your and your families sake...frankly, I dont wonder if someone didnt put the evil eye on you and thats why your ill again! call me paranoid, but really, anytime ive had a envious person compliment me, or i say something to someone about my life...bam, someone gets sick in my family or something.

anyway sis, as I said, i'll keep your in my prayers...I hope you recover soon!

Reva said...

Any time I put my 8 months old daughter's picture on Facebook she gets sick or falls or something. I never believed in evil eye and actually made fun of my mom on that. But after becoming a mom myself I have started considering it.

I love to read your blog and every time I type your address I pray under my lips that there is a good news about your better health. While I love reading your blog I would suggest to be little conservative about posting pictures. especially the pretty ones