April 25, 2012

Be Kind

Salaam ya'll. I got a very mean-spirited comment on my post about the chip-in site ANOTHER SISTER started for me. I want to share it because I do feel I should address it:

"It is haram for a Muslim to beg money from others without dire necessity, thus losing his/her honor and dignity. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "A person keeps on begging until he meets Allah (on the Day of Resurrection) with no flesh on his face." (Reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim) Islam considers begging a hateful act. It forbids it except in dire necessity. The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) dispraised begging and warned against it in many Hadith. Al Bukhari and Muslim reported from Abdullah Ibn Umar (Radiya Allahu Anhu) that the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: "The person keeps on begging until he comes on the Day of Resurrection with a face without any bit of flesh." It seems that you are being provided my the welfare system of your country, even your health care is free. Why are you begging if you have enough to live? Sarah on Chip-in site started by a friend"

Sister, I am not begging. Another sister (as clearly stated before) started this for me. I did post it on my blog. After a lot of thought and mostly because of people who would think as you do.
I have no money. I have applied for disability but it has not came through yet. I cannot afford the gas to drive my car to my life-saving dialysis treatments. Is that poor enough for you? I cannot buy my daughter clothing or shampoo or supplies for school. Does that qualify in your eyes? I am unable to change the oil in my car or repair it or pay my phone bill or utilities. I have $23.57 in my bank account. Perhaps that seems luxurious; I am sure it does to many in the world.
However, there is a thing called "urf". Forgive me if I am mis-spelling it. Meaning we all live within the cultural norms and parameters of the society where we reside. It is normal for me to have running water and electricity. It is normal for me to be able to wash my clothing and maintain my home's cleanliness. It is normal and customary for me to provide my daughter with more than a blanket wrapped around her to hide her nakedness. Yes that was dramatic but I'll be honest, I'm pretty hurt right now and puzzled.

I am not sure why you felt the need to leave that comment. We are told to make seventy excuses for our brother/sister, not judge the hell out of them. I've been guilty myself but usually, ALHAMDULILLAH, I stopped myself before making my sister feel bad and myself worse.
I am going to assume you did this out of care for me, as your sister in Islam. However, the rather witchy tone you used at the end when you queried, "Why are you begging if you have enough to live?" doesn't seem very charitable, sister.
Not at all.
Ma salaama ya'll.


Anonymous said...

Assalamu alaykum sis :)

You didnt have to explain yourself. But since you did- maybe anon will realize her judgement totally off the mark.

Asking Allah for better health fro you and to prvide you and Aami with everything you need, Ameen.

Midnight Mama

Umm Aaminah said...

Salaam Mama and thanks for the dua! I know I didn't have to respond but it just kinda sticks with me, you know? It's hard for me to read those kinda of things, and know they aren't true, and just ignore it.

Insha'Allah everything will work out; I guess perhaps she felt I am fine because I don't whinge and moan all the time. Cap'n will be appalled; he's so private, he'll be like, whyyyy did you tell them all of that??? LOL Bless him, what he's in for being married to me. lol

Anonymous said...

A few querries, why isn't your fiance helping you out.
Maybe that sister wants your good, it is wrong to beg, it's ok for someone to intervene in your favor, but why post a begging post on your blog?
Another thing, your previous posts show that you are living quite well compared to a lot of people, all your electronics, your many stuffed chairs etc.
Posting your private life might not be the best thing.

Mama Z

Bonnie said...

I felt tears of anger in my eyes reading this.

How dare someone write you a comment like that without knowing ANY of your circumstances. I have so much to say but really I am so mad.

I want to say though how much you inspire me every single day. You are one of the most amazing, kind beautiful sisters and I am ever grateful to read your thoughts. May Allah provide you with complete shifa, enable your fiancee to come and marry you and find employment and provide all your needs for you and your wee girl. AMEEN.

Umm Aaminah said...

Bonnie, thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts. As I said, it was kind of a surprise; if someone does not want to donate, please don't. I hesitated at first to post that but since another sister opened the account I felt it was ok. Alhamdulillah. I didn't realize it made me a beggar and apparently a free loader as well. Subhanallah.

At Mama Z, it's not a begging post. I did not beg anyone. I said, if anyone feels they would like to give, barakallahu feek. If they do not, barakallahu feek. I don't see that as begging. At all.

As for my fiance, he is unable to help me financially. He takes care of his family, both immediate and extended and he is one of those I live better than. :-)

I blog my life here. That is what my blog is for and why so many sisters choose to read it. I am upfront about my challenges and successes, all praise to Allah. I am in a challenging time right now and I will blog about it. I will blog about what is good in my life as well. If someone seeing that I spent $40 for furniture for my home offends them, they are free to stop reading. At any time.

As for my comfortable chairs and electronics... wow. I had a job before I got sick again. I was working 70 hours a week. I don't think it was wrong of me to purchase a television and some used furniture. I am grateful for everything I have alhamdulillah but the fact I have furniture does not negate the fact that now I am too sick to work and have no income.

Thanks for commenting.

Reva said...

You should not publish those kind of comments and no need to answer them. You can not answer any one.

You bunch of anons,

Someone has to be famine skinny and living in a tent in a dessert to get your compassion? Be fearful to God, don't pass judgements on someone in such a cruel manner. Fear the wrath of God. He can make example out of you to teach you a lesson for your arrogance. and someone may be able to say the same thing about you.

❤ αmαℓ said...

I agree with Bonnie. You're one of the kindest Muslimah's on Blogger mashallah and it really irritates me to see such blatant rude people especially when you're in the hospital and such :( It was just unnecessary and malicious. I'm sorry you had to read that :( Stay strong. I'll keep you in my prayers inshallah xx

Anonymous said...

Sister,I think that you have to be careful exposing your life like this.Not long ago while hospitalized your talking about your fiance trying to come visit you or you go there, that cost money.
Some people would see your "chip in " as begging, you say you don't force anyone to participate, but that's the same as the beggar on the street.
1.begging - a solicitation for money or food
Maybe the other sister does care for your soul.
Did you ask for help at your muslim association?
I pray for your wellbeing.

Umm Aaminah said...

Thank you Reva and Amal. I try to be kind and think of how my sister will feel. I hate being judged and I try very hard to change that part of myself as well. We all have that inclination but we have to overcome it.

To my most recent anon, yes it does cost money to travel to Cap'n or for him to come here. However, again, that was when I had a job that we made all of those plans. And we are to be married so that is just an expense to be born. We do not live on the same land mass so one of us (now him, I am too unwell) will have to travel. Unfortunately airfare is not free so of course that expense will have to be met. Otherwise we can never marry. It's not a frivolous thing but it is also something in the very far future now alhamdulillah.

I do sincerely hope, as I said in my post, that it was said out of concern for my well-being but it was said in such a manner that it makes it almost impossible to take it in a spirit of goodwill.

As for blogging about my life, that is the only reason I have this blog. To be open and honest about everything that affects me. I will continue to do so. I am sure I will at times offend or upset someone although that is NEVER my intention. I am not someone who seeks conflict. :-)

The only concession I make is to Cap'n and his love of privacy. Once we are married of course I will probably change a bit more of what I reveal out of respect to him and his wishes but as for me, I am comfortable with everything I chose to share. And the fact that I do not hide behind an anonymous blog (meaning people know me in real life as well as online) vouches for the fact that I am not ashamed. :-)

Jazakum Allahu khair for all your comments. I of course appreciate those who support me and I can also appreciate those of a different perspective as long as the tone isn't judgemental and argumentative.

Ma salaama...

HijabiMommy said...

Umm Aaminah, first off, I am very sorry you are going through this difficulty. I am praying for you, my blog friend.

Secondly, I am appalled at these "well-meant" anonymous comments oozing with judgement and rudeness. They reprimand you for being so honest on your blog and then ask more questions about your private life. *SMH*

Anyway, I for one love reading your blog and seeing how you are doing. I feel out of sorts when you haven't posted in a while! I pray your health improves soon and Allah makes things easy for you, Insha'Allah. Inna ma'al usri yusra.

I know it's hard, but please don't let these comments bring you down.


zanjabil said...

May Allah make it easier for you dear sister:).. ..for every hardship there is ease...

Reva said...

I can't see chip in widget anymore. Don't tell me you took it to heart and removed the widget. Let me tell you whoever points finger to others they are bound to fall on their face. Believe me I am concerned about their condition than you. You will do just find insha allah. These arrogant people are the ones who are going to be really tested because of their pride. I can guarantee you anions, soon you will find yourself begging for something from others. You think if you are self sufficient because you deserve it? It's only Allah's mercy and you have shown over and over that you don't deserve His mercy anymore. So just wait and see.

Omani Princess (not Omani...yet) said...

#1 I appreciate if sisters care enough and trust eachother to say when they are in need. That isn't begging AT ALL.

My friends and I go through times when the other has and the other has not and we tell eachother and Allah provides for us back and forth in this manner.

I wish I was in a "haves" time right now but I am being a stay at home Mom until I get a job so I can't help. But I am glad to KNOW when my sistas need me if I have a little more. it means we are sisters. Not strangers.

Dear sister Um A, I second Amal's comment. Ignore those have no idea what they speak of. Allah's Messenger said we should give first to our families if they are in need, then to our friends, then our neighbor's, then people far away. Maybe You are closer in this commandment than someone who we won't hear about in Africa so honestly don't know what good our money has gone to, or to build another Mosque on a road with four Mosques already, dividing the Muslims from praying their salat together in the Khaleej.

Allah guides who He wills....

amatullah76 said...

Good grief. Obviously the people who made these comments have never bothered to help out a friend in need. While they tried to shame you, they exposed their own stinginess.

Anonymous said...

I can no longer see the widget either. I demand it be reinstated! That's if you have disabled it. Else there must be something else wrong with the website or my browser :-\

wa salam

Bonnie said...

I just had to come back and comment again.

I am in Bangladesh at the moment and here we see the 'real' beggars. They cling on my clothes, get right in my face and bang on the car window. You are not assaulting people or annoying them. What you were doing my dear sister was letting people know of your situation and if they want to help you then they have that option. Most of us would love to help a sister in need if we can.

Also I had to say many of us don't live in a society where we have family or the like to help us out and usually if you are a convert this is often the case. A born Muslim friend of mine divorced at the same time as me, she was able to go home and have her parents take care of her. I who did not have that option was accused of 'free loading' off the government subahanallah. All I can say to this if if some of these sisters spent as much time helping others as they do judging them I am positive they would feel a whole lot happier.

Umm Aaminah said...

Salaam sisters. Thank you to all who have commented. Yes I did remove it; it just wasn't worth it. I don't like being judged, especially by my sisters. Apparently more than one person felt I was begging and that embarasses me. So I prefer to just remove it and what is going to come to me will come and no one can stop it. If I am not getting it, then no amount of persistence on my part will help me.

I know my situation and alhamdulillah I am myself but others cannot have that same insight and I just made the decision to avoid more conflict. Don't like it. :-)

Ma salaama ya'll...

One Lucky Guy said...

I have told you many times in the past that I am in complete awe of your strength.

I think, at its most elemental roots, the poorly timed and ill regarded post criticizing you proves that stupidity exists without regard to nationality, spiritual paths, gender or political perspective.

I wish only that I had unlimited resources. If I had, neither your intended, you nor your little one would ever want for anything.