I'll be here til Tuesday more than like, that's a week and some change. I really miss Aaminah. I keep waking up thinking the alarm going off will bother her but of course she isn't here sleeping with me. :-( I have wonderful friends masha'Allah who are keeping her (the sister I stayed with for so long) may Allah swt bless her and her family, amin!
I'm on a massive dose of steroids which has so many bad side-effects but insha'Allah will really kick the cellular rejection in the butt so it's worth it. I am considering however putting off my wedding. The side-effects from steroids are very unpleasant. Facial, neck and trunchal swelling (oh joy!) as well as red face and over heating. Increased body hair growth and acne can occur as well. I just don't want to feel ugly and self-concious when I meet Cap'n. I think this is a natural feeling. It's not that I don't think he can handle it, it's just my vanity speaking. So I am unsure at this point if we will marry in March or not. I just want to look the best I can look; trust me, I'm not asking for much here!!! lol
I also have started diabetes treatment with insulin injections. Eek! Alhamdulillah the docs said it's a common reaction to the crazy high doses of steroids so it should calm down within a short time. I was preparing myself for actually having diabetes so file this under "good news".
It was also a wake up call, sisters. Type II diabetes is totally preventable. Lose weight, exercise, eat better. Nothing weird or strenuous involved. Walk, be active, limit your sugar and carbs but not like a strict diet, just healthier eating. Since I've started working my diet has went downhill. We eat lunch out almost every day. Now a co-worker and I share our meals. We are food twins (well she eats pork at her home of course) but otherwise we both love the same things. So we can get a meal for one and share it so at least the unhealthiness of the whole affair is somewhat diluted.
Also when I get ill (with kidney failure) I lose most of my appetite. Food is no longer so appealing and even if it is, I can only eat a few bites and I'm full. To be honest I think that is a good thing as well, no complaints here except for the reason. :-) Now let's factor in the hospital food. Oh mama! Actually a few things have been tasty and they've added turkey bacon for the first time ever so I do get one little thin slice at breakfast. Gives a bit of taste to my reduced sodium fare. :-)
Wow this post is all over the place. I'm on a steroid high right now so forgive. Alright prognosis: still unsure. We are hoping to stop this rejection and possibly reclaim some lost ground. Just not sure if that can happen, will know more next week. I am trying to stay positive sisters and make lots of dua. I firmly believe this has been, overall, a positive thing for me.
It is giving me a new appreication for my transplant and life in general. Reminded me how tenuous our health can be, a lesson I should have well-learned by now. :-) It has brought me closer to Allah in that I know my life and death is in His hands and has been a wonderful way to bring me back to the power and serenity of beseeching the One for all my needs. We get so caught up in "look what I'm doing" we over look that we can do NOTHING without Allah. So anytime I have hardship I sincerely try to look for the lesson in it. Here is what I've came away with (list time):
1. As I said, a renewed appreciation for my health.
2. Feeling stronger Islamically and a definite strengthening in my iman.
3. I truly believe in Allah's promise after hardship there is ease. Some times it's easier to cling to than at other times, as we are human, but this episode has really shown me this.
4. I am sooo blessed by my friends and family. I've had visitors and phone calls and prayers. I have 8 flower arrangements and candy (eek! lol) and balloons. Cards and well-wishes. It just makes me want to cry when I realize how loved I am!
5. It's given me a much-needed reset from work and given me time to blog to you guys. OK so the last one, I'm really not grateful for, but I am grateful to be able to fill some of my idle hours by updating you guys. :-) But it's not worth being sick for! LOL
6. It has made me much more concious of the fact that I can wail and moan about my situation but if I'm not gonna be pro-active then I am the problem. So yeah, I have kidney disease. Yeah, I have blah blah blah. But I can be healthier, more active, and lose a bit of weight. I can do things to make it easier on my transplant to work well for a long time.
Please make dua that Allah swt strengthens me in my desires to make positive changes. that I am more mindful of my body and it's rights over me, that I find a better balance between my obligations so I feel I am being a full person not just an automatron, work work work work work. :-) Grateful for the job but definitely the stress of how much I've worked, coupled with my own inability to prioritize, helped set this stage for where I am now. Sick, in the hospital, away from my daughter, my job, my home.
Thank you all for your prayers, thank you for reading, and thank you for being my sisters (and brothers) in Islam. Allah does not burden a body with more than it can take and I am grateful past words that He has found me up to the challenges He has set for me.
|My flower, baloon, and card corner. I did have the flowers over my a/c vent til I realized I was having an allergic reaction to the pollen I was shooting out all over my room! lol Allergy resolved. :-)|
|Eye candy! I had bought this bag last year but A didn't like it, too blingy. I gave it to my mom but she's pretty plain jane. She gave it back, cue happy day!|