March 17, 2012


Vignettes from home: This is an antique rocker picked up from a flea market for $20. It had belonged to the person's grandmother and is from the 1930's. It's called a baby rocker because it doesn't have arms that you could hit your wee one's head on. :-) I love this. Notice how small it is; it reminds me of my tiny little Mamaw. Made to fit the someone about 5' tall. Perfect for me too! :-)

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. UofA is home!!!!! So happy alhamdulillah but exceedingly weak and tired. Masha'Allah I have sisters cooking for me for a couple of weeks, honestly I am just so blessed. I did get up this morning, make a very simple breakfast of which I was inordinately proud (mostly that I was able to stand up long enough!) and even washed out my plate after. I feel like a rock star! lol

Took all my meds, figured out my blood glucose monitor (daaang they are persnickety!) and just trying to adjust to being really ill again. Wow. It's hard. OK so for probably a month or so I was dragging my body around at about 20% kidney function but I was making it. Work, Aaminah, somewhat keeping up my home, I did it. Now, however, because of the severe immunu-suppression (to try and stop this rejection), the high doses of meds and even the treatment itself, I am wiped out. Typing now is an extreme effort subhanallah.

It's amazing the little things we take for granted. I laughingly told my best friend Sr. Lisa that I needed a table in the toilet to prop up against. Pathetic. :-) My kidney function is just 14% right now. That's just a few hairs above... well not being above ground anymore. So it's understandable my body cannot function. However, I don't really wanna accept it. It's hard to think I can't even rearrange my closet or organize Aaminah's room. I mean alhamdulillah I am home now, I have time to do those little (and big!) projects work forced me to put off but now, my body won't cooperate. Trying to stay unperturbed but dangit, I don't like it.

For a few weeks I won't be leaving my home. My immune system is too low, my resistance just isn't up. I also can't walk for more than a few yards without needing to sit :) so I guess that's all good. I have great friends and family who are helping me.

Aaminah?? I haven't seen her yet. :-(  She possibly has a cold and until she is better I can't be around my baby. My heart is aching and I am on the verge of tears (ok maybe a little past "the verge") because I just miss her so much. And she misses me. Insha'Allah it's allergies and if she isn't feverish I think I'll just have them bring her anyway. I am a little worried how to care for her now, until my strength returns, but masha'Allah she is almost 4 and very intelligent. She knows I am sick (miskeena!) and is a good girl so I am sure we can make it. Baths will be tough but again, it's all doable and it's nice to have a return to constant dua. I know Allah loves when we beseech Him and sometimes, when our life seems to be going so peachy, we forget. So there is a very good lesson (well many lessons!) in this that insha'Allah I am taking to heart.

Wow, my neighbors are loud. LOUD. Never realized it cause never home on weekends. LOL. Insha'Allah my mother is bringing a stereo and I can play nasheed, Qur'an and children's songs for Aaminah and not be bothered. Allahu rabbi! :-)

So my health. Right. I have to return to the hospital on Monday insha'Allah for a small surgery to implant a temporary catheter for dialysis. I have mixed feelings. I know my body needs it, desperately. My blood needs cleaned, toxins flushed out. My complexion is sooo sallow right now. Think grey-ish yellow. Eww. I know I will feel better but it's hard on your body at the same time. I am grateful I live in a country where my government will spend literally millions to keep me alive. Subhanallah. My transplant itself was $250,000. My dialysis treatments in the past were $2000 or so a month. I've been hospitalized more times than I can count. Medicines and treatments and hospital stays, oh my! :-)

So day surgery on Monday for a temporary cath. Temporary dialysis (i'A!!!) and there is still hope my kidney might pick up function again. I'm still very immuno-suppressed so giving my kidney a break from the relentless attack it's under. Sisters, this is all my fault. In January my kidney was ok. Doing fine. I started work and stopped taking care of myself. I missed doses of my medication, something I rarely did before. I wasn't drinking enough or eating well, I had gained more weight (worked hard but sat a lot doing it) and didn't do my routine labs in February because I was "busy". Alhamdulillah.

So my new goal is to take care of myself so I can take care of others. I have to be a priority again. Of course I am no longer working. Probably said that in another post. My doctors said it would be a couple of months before and if I could reconsider. Have to recover, see what's on the horizon for me treatment wise.

Cap'n? Didn't get his visa, not sure if I said. Alhamdulillah. There are some tests from Allah that are more difficult than others. Being sick AND being unable to be with him, that is a hard one. One or the other but both... subhanallah. Alhamdulillah we are Muslim and we accept the qadr of Allah but we all know it's difficult at times. We are going to go ahead and apply for a fiance visa even though we haven't met in person. They won't let him come here and I am too ill to travel so insha'Allah they grant an exception. Dua, please.

OK so that's my update. Now that I'm home ya'll will be hearing a lot more from me. It was all a time-issue. :-) Now I got loads of it. When my friend Sr. Deanna told Aaminah I wasn't going to work anymore, she actually did a little dance. Masha'Allah, how it feels to be loved like that! I have to figure out what to do with her when I have my treatments but that will work out also i'A.

Thanks for stopping by, please do not forget me and my family in your dua, and i'A see ya'll later. Ma salaama!


Um Zakarya said...

Assalamu Alaykum my dear sister,

I know I haven't commented much these days, but I was reading all your posts, and I was really worried about you.Just as you said in your other post, sometimes you have the intention to say something, and subhanALLAH you just don't do it for some reason.

Alhamdulillah you're home, at least you're out of the hospital and can slowly go back to a normal life InshALLAH.MashALLAH Aaminah is almost 4, time flies.Is she going to school already?In europe children start school around 3 or 4, so i thought that would be easier for you if she's at school all day, you can have some good rest during the day.
May ALLAH SWT give you full SHifa (recovering).AMeen!

As you said this is one more test from ALLAH SWT and Alhamdulillah it makes you expiate some sins :)

I'll make duas for Cap'n to have his visa InshALLAH, I believe you really need someone in your situation.

Lol I just figured what i'A means!Slow brain lol.

Lot of love from your french sister.

Anonymous said...

Assalamu alaikum.
My dua's.
Wassalam sister.

Anonymous said...

sis! assalamu alaykum. I sent you an email.

I hope inshaAllah you are resting and gaining your strength. inshaAllah your cath placement will go smoothly tomorrow and you wont have any pain.

Pleas know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Please continue to update us when stength permits.

hugs to you and Aaminah,


( i cant get past the word verification to use my open ID).

Umm Mini said...

Salaam alaykum,

Alhamdulillah good to hear you're home. Insha'Allah it will go better day by day.

May Allah make things easier for you and give you good health.

Samiya said...

Asselam alaikum sister. I am really touched by your story. I really hope you get better soon... "Verily, after hardship comes ease". Please know that somewhere in Africa, an Ethiopian muslima is making dua for you. I love you for the sake of Allah.