And yet again...

A'salaamu alaikum. I received another couple of comments from an anon. I wouldn't repost it here except they cast aspersions on my ex-husband A. So it made me think, if one person feels this way maybe others do as well. So I have decided to post our comments here.

Anonymous said...

thats why you should never consider leaving these awesome countries you are born in for some muslim country where even their citizens don't have rights. btw i was born and raised in a muslim country and moved to usa. i found this country gives me freedom to practice whatever i want to practice much better than my muslim majority country.

coolred blog is an example why should you not leave your country or marry a foreigner.

Umm Aaminah said...

Anon, I am not sure where your comment came from. I do enjoy the rights and priveleges that I have as an American citizen. I do not agree with US foreign policy on almost all issues, however.

As for moving to a Muslim majority country or marrying a "foreigner" that is purely up to each individual. I love to travel and would love to be able to visit more countries. I prefer to live in my own. Many sisters are very happy living overseas and I am happy for them. Many are also happy with their foreign-born husbands.

Although A and I divorced, he was never anything but kind and respectful to me. I wish him the best in this life and the next, amin.

Apparently this did little to soothe Anon's worry for me. Next I received:

Anonymous said...

ok then why did he divorce you? why did you have to leave his house with no money? why is he not paying you now?

So here is my reply, not being posted to the comment box:

As I stated, A has been nothing but kind to me. Yes I left with no money but that was of my own volition. Although I am sure it is none of your business, he is paying my relocation fees upwards of $1000. He is in NO way obligated to do so; he is merely doing it because I am his sister in Islam.
Also he has packed up all of my belongings and moved them to storage until my apt is ready to move into here. Once again, only fi sabilillah.

Our marriage ended because of personal issues which had NOTHING to do with our shared religion. We both have faults and I will not detail any of his here although mine I frequently admit to.
A wife is to hold a husband's secrets and that pertains even after divorce. Therefore anything about A is no one else's business.

He is not obligated to pay me anything. I left our home of my own desire. I requested khula which he assented to due to the issues we jointly had.  Khula is where the woman is able to request separation and it involves (usually) the foreiture of the mahr. I've written about it on here before. We partly amicably and with sadness as well.

He was never anything but kind, courteous, and appreciative of anything I ever did for him. He treated me as a cherished wife, friend, and advisor. Divorce will not change my opinion of him and I pray Allah swt gives him the best, amin.

I hope that answers your questions!

And life goes on :-)

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. Soooo what's new with UofA? Wow really? I don't think I would have the time to go through it all. :-) So let's start at the top and one of the reasons my posting has been... nonexistant. :-)

My laptop broke. But... good news is A had purchased the extended warranty (which at the time I thought was wasteful) so I am getting it fixed but they had to send it off for repair. Thanks Geek Squad. :-) Anyway I'll have it back in a week or so insha'Allah. I've wanted to update but I hate using my friend's computer too much.

Another reason I've been absent so long is just waiting for things to calm down. I'm living with a friend (did I mentiont that?? I can't remember!) until my apartment is ready. It should be ready Nov. 1st. Insha'Allah! So I am really ready to be settled down, AGAIN, so I can get back into a normal routine.

Aaminah is missing her family in MA, miskeena little girl. She asked if her Baba was still her family. I said of course he is. She asked if she could live with him. I was almost devastated (except ok well she's 3 lol) but then she said, "Because I miss Basheq the cat". Masha'Allah how sweet children are. She really does miss them and I assured her that Baba and the kids are still her family but we had to move back to Tennessee.

She asked why they didn't come. Subhanallah, how her mind words. You can tell she's been thinking on this for a while. I hate to see her sad but alhamdulillah I think once we are living in our own apartment with her toys again, her books, etc., she will be more settled and happy. I mean right now she is having a ball! Friends all the time, trips to the masjid, having her family so close but still she is a little girl and misses what she knew.

Please make dua for her and for me that I can be both Mama and Baba for her. As yall know her Abi left her completely, has no contact, so she is, according to Islam, an orphan. Islamically a child without a father is considered an orphan; this has been hard for me to understand because with all of my children, I was the one who took care of them. Islamically that is also how the househole is ordered. Subhanallah this is a ruling of Allah's that I don't understand the basis for but accept it regardless.

Alright I have to go. Aaminah is reading a Toys r Us circular and picking out toys for baby Bilal, my friends baby. She says, "He is my little brother in Islam" masha'Allah. She has such a great accent masha'Allah when she says "Islam" and "Bilal" etc. May Allah help her grow to be a pious muslimah, a wonderful caring loving person, amin!

Ummi is movin'

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. So here's a bit of an interesting update: Ummi of Aami is moving. No not to wordpress, not to a private domain... I'm actually, physically, moving. Back home to Tenneessee. Alhamdulillah for it all.

I've missed my sons, my family, my muslim community here. I missed my volunteer activities at my masjid and I missed my job there, too, as the administrative assistant. I missed my muslim sisters here and the companionship and camaraderie we shared.

Alhamdulillah A and I had some issues in our marriage but my stance has not changed. I will never divulge private information that was at one time priveleged confidences between spouses. May Allah give him better in this life and the next, amin.

Of course we did not divorce in animosity; we are Muslims alhamdulillah and fear Allah so we have kept our discourses kind and have no ill will or feelings towards the other. I just ask that you all keep us in your du'a. You should also know I did not disclose our issues when they first occurred; it's just that I'm now comfortable informing you guys.

So of course I'll miss some things about Massachusetts; Aaminah and I lived in the cutest little town, Hudson. It was awesome in the winter, to experience the 3 foot high snow drifts and snow in the moonlight is something I wish everyone could experience in this life. The summers were muhajabat friendly too and sisters, ya'll know that's awesome!

But in the end, I wanna be home. Where snow is practically non-existant and schools close if 2 inches fall. Where snow falling in the moonlight is a rare occurence indeed and the summers send me running inside, to seek the comfort of an overworked A/C. Home is home and the rest simply doesn't matter.

So how will this affect UofA? Psssht ya'll must be kidding. I'll still be here, doing what I do, talking about mi vida loca, my children and family, my faith, food.... yeah you got it.

I love you all fi sabilillah!!! Ma salaama...

To end it all...

* This is Aaminah with the babydoll I bought her for Eid. She loved it! It talks and laughs and cries and sleeps and burps. lol She doesn't like to go anywhere without it masha'allah!*

A'salaamu alaikum. So we do things in this life with the best of intentions and yet, still, somehow, they come back to bite us in the rear.

I am talking about my recent marriage. It is over almost before it began. How strange really when I sit back and think I was only there for a month and then it could just end. Subhanallah.

I had to come back home because of my illness, and the fact I couldn't work there, and he lost his job. Fair enough, no one said marriage is easy or we always get what we want.

After I returned home I received no correspondance from him until I found out he was seeking a third wife. My viewpoint was, if you want a third wife, you should really be able to provide for the two you currently have. If he wanted a third wife he should have brought me back instead or spent some of that time with me, not searching for something else.

Subhanallah. I am not hurt now; I am practical and I thank Allah swt that it ended when it did instead of me hanging on, crying, begging, and just in general making a right @$$ out of myself. :-) Alhamdulillah I only did that for a couple of weeks and then asked to be released thru khula.

My waiting period is up and I am seeking another husband. I believe in the rulings of Allah swt and that a woman is available for marriage once her iddah is up. For khula you only have to go thru one cycle to ascertain there is no pregnancy and hand over your mahr. So alhamdulillah those things were accomplished and I am ready to move on with my life.

I am still searching for what I want: a strong muslim husband who will help teach and guide me, who will love and adore me, who will help raise my daughter as his own, who will be kind and caring and laugh with me. Who isn't afraid to let me see them cry. Who loves Allah swt and His Rasool more than anything in this dunya and who places his family above all other pursuits.

Insha'allah I feel positive and hopeful. I know that Allah swt has decreed this path for me; I am really working on becoming more patient and less demanding, on being a better Muslimah despite my circumstances. I cannot keep waiting for everything to be "perfect". I dont want perfection, I just want a marriage.

Ma salaama,

Umm Aaminah