Introducing the newest member...

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. Sorry I just can't get into the hang of updating again. Before, I had a very ordered life and writing was a very important outlet for me. Now I feel like I stay busier but in happier ways (not as frantic as before) and my desire to write has dropped off by the wayside.

By the way, if any of ya'll are staticians, you would see this correlates nicely with my "love" life by which I mean married life. :-) When I am single I am so busy taking care of EVERYTHING I don't have the luxury of sitting around, thinking about the world's problems. :-) Once that area of my life gets settled, I always have much more free time.

And what is your status, UofA? Well now isn't that the million dollar question. I hate hate hate hate hate (ok not really so strongly) when people suggest and hint at things but never spill the beans so to speak. So I shall endeavor to keep my openness and transparency alive and well.

I can't say. :-))

Oh that's funny. OK yes alhamdulillah I am engaged. I am not asking for advice or support in this issue, dear readers. It's done and dusted as the English say and I'm all set (my nod to Massachusetts speak).  I have made my selection carefully and will, in due course, update you all. I thank my reader who very sincerely have her advice that I concentrate on my daughter and my life, finding a way to support ourselves sans husband.

I've done that, for most of my life actually. I've never been married long enough to feel stable alhamdulillah. I no longer feel like I have to prove anything, to myself or the rest of the world. As a Muslim woman, I am entitled to have a husband or other mahrem who will take care of myself and Aaminah. But sisters, I do not mean simply financially. I mean emotional support. That kind that comes from the male of our species. :-) Someone to hold my hand and kiss my forehead, someone to take bugs out of the house *s* and to snuggle up with when watching a movie.

More importantly, someone to grow in my deen with, to encourage and be encouraged, to love and honor and respect, to have someone to take care of again. Oh how I miss that! Yes I take care of little Aaminah and others but it's just... different with your husband. It fulfills a part of me and makes me indescribably happy. Making that post-fajr tea or preparing a favorite dish; what can I say, I am a nurturer to the nth degree and I am happy being this way. :-)

However in the past I have nurtured others and ignored myself. I will definitely be looking for more balance this time, someone who can baby and be babied and yes, sisters, I need that too. To be treated sweetly, like a glass vessel masha'Allah. How perfect is all of Allah's creation and how beautifully he has made us for one another. I still trust and believe in this sisters, despite it all, because of it all. :-)

I love my sisters in Islam, I love my community, I love my family, my children. I am blessed beyond compare but I, like so many others, want what I do not have. For me, my holy grail is a good marriage, stable, with a loving, kind, funny, affectionate, practicing brother. I have amended my definition a bit as I have gotten older of what makes a great husband. I use to want the whole package; how tiring, looking for something that doesn't exist. :-) I cannot be everything, I can just be me. I can't expect more than that of my brothers, now can I?

So what am I doing different this time? Personal references baby from someone who reallly knows the person. It's very nice for the imam to give a good reference as I got for A but that doesn't really tell you what the person is like outside of the masjid, in a home setting, when we are bad-tempered or sick. So my very best friend Um Bilal is married and her husband is a wondeful person masha'Allah. His best friend of 13+ years was introduced to me and I am pleased to say that the brother has been everything I was told he was.

Now, here is where the full-disclosure ends. Abu B's friend is a very private sort of person. I have of course already directed him to my blog to find out how I feel about everything from refrigerated hashbrowns to matters of our ummah. So he is aware I have this space and I write in it. After marriage, my content might change depending on what he is comfortable with. Of course I am hoping certain things will still be ok with him but as I've never been particularly private I definitely want to make him comfortable.

I do however, have a photo of him I snapped today that I would love to share. Enjoy!

Yes it's not really him, my new man isn't made from legos. :-) But he is a pirate (we'll call him Cap'n) and he is from the Caribbean and other than that, I must keep mum. Insha'allah post wedded-bliss, we will see what transpires. I hope to keep you all updated on my life and times, my sads and happies and always always always my striving to be a better muslimah, wife, mother, friend and human being. :-)

Wow :-(

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. For the majority of you, thank you so much for your care, concern and duat. Wallahi you just don't know how much you are appreciated!

However, I did receive one comment I felt was decidedly un-sister-like in it's tone. Here is the comment received from Anon of my last post (about my divorce and move):

"As-SalaamuA'laykum,

I dont mean to be rude, but why aren't your sons living with you? I just cant understand why you would leave your children to raise your husband children and your daughter. And if they didnt want to move, then YOU have to stay put for them.

From what you mention here, they havent been living with you for awhile. Its very strange to me."

***************************************************************

Anonymous, wow. Guess your comment kinda took me by surprise. I like to see my blog as a positive place, one I turn to for support but alhamdulillah.

So long story short: i was dying. Yeah that's pretty short. And going through a divorce. And my ex's family paid for a lawyer but I had no money for one. My ex asked to have full custody on paper because of my rapidly failing health. (My kidneys were failing, I was in End Stage Renal Disease and I had suffered a stroke and 3 grand mal seizures.) He said he didn't want any issues with my family interfering if I were to die suddenly and had joint custody.

I agreed. He is an excellent father and was always honest. For several years I picked my boys up every day after dialysis when I could barely drag my body out of the clinic. ALHAMDULILLAH.

I helped them with their school reports, bandaged their cuts, and helped heal their little broken hearts. ALHAMDULILLAH.

I scheduled parent conferences between the thirteen different surgeries I had during the space of 2 years. I even managed to make goodies for bake sales and chaperone field trips. ALHAMDULILLAH.

Did I forget to mention I also went to college, full-time, pre-nursing major, and got a 3.8 gpa? ALHAMDULILLAH.

I did all I could, I gave my best, and then some. I did it gratefully, joyfully, happily because they were my sons. ALHAMDULILLAH.

Then their father got a girlfriend. Oh don't worry getting them today, he said, just rest a little. You're so sick. When he kept making excuses and I said, ok I'm just coming to get them he said no. He reminded me that on paper HE had full custody and HE felt it was for their "best interests" to not be back and forth between our homes.

So for a while I got them every Wednesday and every weekend. ALHAMDULILLAH.

Then he said, you know, the Wednesday really messes up their week and I want them some on the weekends. How about you just get them on every other weekend and every Sunday?

I cried, I begged... he was firm. It seems I wasn't good for his relationship with the new woman. I was still on disability, still poor, and had no way to pay a lawyer to go back to court to change the custody arrangement. ALHAMDULILLAH!

I did contact Legal Aid; they do not take family law cases. ALHAMDULILLAH.

So fast forward many years. I convert to Islam and search for a husband who will move to my town so I can be with my sons every other weekend. It's hard, I find one, and he turns out to be a green-card seeker. ALHAMDULILLAH!

I finally accepted A's proposal and with it, the knowledge I had to move away. I am sure that you know children are given to the father after a certain age or upon the re-marriage of the mother. So according to Allah swt my sons were supposed to be with their father, although it was something I fought against and could find no comfort in for a long time.

I finally realized that while they do need their mother, they need to grow to be MEN. They need to grow with a strong male example. Their father loves them and is a wonderful dad to them.

I was faced with the decision of remaining single (which is not from our religion!) to see my sons every other weekend. Or remarry (as we are urged to do) and allow them to live with their father (as Shariah tells us they should).

I guess, Anon, I fail to see what's so confusing about this. I went through a horribly sad time, I missed my sons so much and I did everything in my power to be a loving, attentive mother.

I'm sorry you feel it's very strange. Next time, ukhti, try making 70 excuses for your brother (or sister) and make du'a for her instead of judging her.

To my readers: Sorry if I am a little emotional. Usually I am pretty even-keeled but this is indeed a sore point with me. I am feeling a little fragile right now and just don't need this kind of drama. If I have spoken out of turn, I ask you all to forgive me.

Ma salaama...

Ummi is movin'

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. So here's a bit of an interesting update: Ummi of Aami is moving. No not to wordpress, not to a private domain... I'm actually, physically, moving. Back home to Tenneessee. Alhamdulillah for it all.

I've missed my sons, my family, my muslim community here. I missed my volunteer activities at my masjid and I missed my job there, too, as the administrative assistant. I missed my muslim sisters here and the companionship and camaraderie we shared.

Alhamdulillah A and I had some issues in our marriage but my stance has not changed. I will never divulge private information that was at one time priveleged confidences between spouses. May Allah give him better in this life and the next, amin.

Of course we did not divorce in animosity; we are Muslims alhamdulillah and fear Allah so we have kept our discourses kind and have no ill will or feelings towards the other. I just ask that you all keep us in your du'a. You should also know I did not disclose our issues when they first occurred; it's just that I'm now comfortable informing you guys.

So of course I'll miss some things about Massachusetts; Aaminah and I lived in the cutest little town, Hudson. It was awesome in the winter, to experience the 3 foot high snow drifts and snow in the moonlight is something I wish everyone could experience in this life. The summers were muhajabat friendly too and sisters, ya'll know that's awesome!

But in the end, I wanna be home. Where snow is practically non-existant and schools close if 2 inches fall. Where snow falling in the moonlight is a rare occurence indeed and the summers send me running inside, to seek the comfort of an overworked A/C. Home is home and the rest simply doesn't matter.

So how will this affect UofA? Psssht ya'll must be kidding. I'll still be here, doing what I do, talking about mi vida loca, my children and family, my faith, food.... yeah you got it.

I love you all fi sabilillah!!! Ma salaama...

Marriage is hard...

Following Allah's laws are the key to marital success :-)

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. You know I've been thinking alot about marriage lately. Why you may ask? Well because I am married and it takes up alot of my time, energy and thoughts. :-) To make a marriage work, any marriage, takes effort but to build a beautiful, solid Islamic marriage... well, it's less work and it's more work. Confused? Let me explain.

There are many reasons why a marriage between Muslims is easy:

1. Allah is the center. If we truly trust and obey Him, what can bother us?

2. We have at our disposal a fool-proof guide to marriage. It's called the Qur'an and the sunnah of our beloved Prophet, saws.

I think that about does it. We don't have to guess, we know how we should act, how we should respond, even how we should approach an argument. How many people set off an any venture with such clear-cut instructions??? Subhanallah.

Now there are some reasons it's hard. Here they are:

1. Shaitaan. He loves nothing more than to come between a husband and a wife. He delights in causing discord and he will stop at nothing to make problems where there should be tranquility.

2. We are human. Yes we are Muslims, we strive for the pleasure of Allah, but we fail. We often fail in our marriages, fail with our spouse before others. How many times have we been in a bad mood and taken it out on the person closest to us? Yeah, you've got the idea.

3. Even though we know what to do, we sometimes ignore it. This is different from making an honest error. There are times when we simply chose to do the wrong thing and in a marriage, this can lead to serious problems.

Is there a solution? Yes. Truly strive to please Allah in all matters, and you will see improvements. Make sincere du'a (often) and Allah swt will relieve you of your burdens. This may sound trite to some of you but if you read the Qur'an and hadith, you will see so many beautiful examples of how Allah's mercies are abundant.

A Bukhari hadith describes how a woman was running about in the hot sun, searching for her child. She found him, and clutched him to her breast, saying, "My son, my son!" The Prophet's Companions saw this, and wept. The Prophet was delighted to see their mercy, and said, "Do you wonder at this woman's mercy (rahmah) for her child? By Him in Whose hand is my soul, on the Day of Judgment, Allah shall show more rahmah toward His believing servant than this woman has shown to her son."

And your Lord said: "Invoke Me (believe in My Oneness and ask me for anything) I will respond to your (invocation).........." Qur'an 40:60

There are so many more examples but these are just two of the multitude. Sisters, I tell myself this before anyone else. A marriage between Muslims isn't some fairy tale: your husband isn't going to come home every day after work and bring you an armfull of flowers he stopped to pick from the road side and he probably won't live up to a hundred other western ideals of romance we've all picked up from the movies. :-) We, my dear sisters, also will probably not have a beautiful, peaceful home for him to come to everyday, we might snap or be grouchy at times, and I'm pretty sure we've all woken up and looked like a sea monster instead of the beauty mouthwash commercial girl who wakes up fresh and clean with minty breath!

My point is, real life isn't a romance. It can be romantic and beautiful and loving but day to day life isn't a storybook love affair. It's the day-in and day-out of raising a family, paying bills, and being constant for one another in our affection and giving of our time.

It means not voicing every complaint that comes to our mind and it sometimes means gracefully acknowledging when we are wrong. It means putting our Creator first and seeing marriage as a means to an end; as a way to protect us in this dunya and help us win our jannah, as a way to encourage each other on this journey called life.

My sisters, we can love our husbands and they can love us, but our worship, our life is for Allah and Allah alone. "I only created the jinn and mankind to worship Me." Qur'an 51:56. If we keep this close to heart, we can find it easier to accept the small disappointments in life, easier to bear our burdens. If our husbands, too, keep these words in their minds, they will be naturally more loving and caring, and will do all for their family to please their Rabb.

Let us all strive for the pleasure of Allah and pray for Him to erase our insecurities, to make us stronger and more constant, and insha'Allah these little annoyance of life will cease to bother us as much.

P.S. I love my husband, he loves me, we have a fine marriage alhamdulillah. This is just a post that has weighed on me lately for many different reasons. :-)

Ma salaama ya'll!

The perfect life

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. Wow don't I have the perfect life? A loving husband, many children, happiness beyond compare. Bet I'm getting the evil eye all over the place huh?

Wellll that may be but sisters, dear readers, my life isn't perfect. What no gasps from ya'll? lol Ok so you probably guessed that but I don't like to operate under false assumptions.

My life isn't perfect. I am short-tempered sometimes and the kids (mine and his and ours!) can make me pull my hair out. :-) My husband has his faults as well allahu alim. The list can go on and on but it won't.

I take to heart the injunction from Allah swt to be the keeper of my husband's secrets. That means when/if there is a difficulty between us, you can be sure I won't be posting it here. I am tempted sometimes; how nice to feel I have some anonymity to complain, to get things off my chest.

Then alhamdulillah I think how would I feel if anyone, A or my friends, complained about ME to strangers? I would be devastated and rightly so. I try to keep this a positive place and keep my personal business just that, personal.

So my life isn't perfect but I loooove it. I am happy, content, peaceful, and blessed. We are masha'Allah simple people and we live simply. If we have a disagreement we meet it as Muslims alhamdulillah and it is resolved quickly and without yelling, name-calling, screaming or hurt feelings.

I am a sensitive person with my husband. With others, friends, family members, etc. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. I love them but their words or actions do not cut me deeply nor do they scar my heart. My husband, on the other hand, can merely be silent for a while and I am worried he is unhappy. I know my emotional demands place a toll on him but insha'Allah my good points make up for it. :-)

I have alhamdulillah had an interesting life and I haven't always been treated respectfully by men, kaffir and muslim alike. So I have some issues, I know, with trusting in love. Please make dua for me that Allah swt repairs my damaged sense of trust and makes me whole, loving, accepting and complete. Ameen!

Ma salaama...

It's been a wee bit

*Oh this is a photo my sis took when I was sick in the hospital last time in December. Aaminah had such a beautiful look on her face and the noor shone from her eyes. Oh wait, that's not noor, it's the "Wiggles" reflected from the t.v. screen. LOL*

A'salaamu alaikum. Really I am getting annoyed at my inability to post photos. :-) I want to take pictures of Aaminah in the snow, of the historic town square, and my family. Oh and yeah the things I cook.

But here is the funny part: my camera is fine I could snap photos all day long. I just refuse to (for some reason) bec I don't have the ability to upload them for now. Crazy but whatcha gonna do? :-)

So alhamdulillah we are meshing together as a family. Of course things are not perfect but I am happy. My only complaint is lack of time for just A and I. But with 4 kids there is not a perfect solution. There is no honeymoon period where we can just get acclimated to each other and hang the rest of the world. Alhamdulillah. But I have a few tips to pass on to any others out there attempting to consolidate families:

1. Make time for relationship. We are busy busy busy. Alhamdulillah my husband works and also is active in our community so that means he is out of the home quite a bit. I am busy with Aaminah, the other children, housework, errands, cooking, etc. However we have established a rule: every night before we are absolutely exhausted, we shut the door and spend 15 minutes together. Sometimes we might sneak some more time (Aami's in bed and the other kids are engrossed in an activity) but often it's just those 15 minutes which are often interrrupted by "Khaltu" or "Baba". lol

I can't stress how important that time is to me. To just connect as husband and wife, talk about our day, not be interrupted by a cranky toddler or demanding preteen. :-) It's my favorite part of the day.

2. Make Islam the center of your family. Alhamdulillah my iman has grown since A and I married, despite the chaos of our life. Why? Bec our prayers are paramount, we don't put them off, we don't sleep in "just a few more minutes" at Fajr. We keep the haram out of our home and try to stress the positive.

Sisters, its hard sometimes. I won't lie. :-) How easy to just give in and say "Well fast forward through that part of the movie" or allow music other than nasheed because it doesn't really have that bad of stuff in it.

I don't want you to have the wrong opinion of me. Before A and I married I still listened to secular music ()but I did not try to convince myself it was right. I would order beef from restaurants and just say "bismillah". So I have made changes too and I feel so positive and uplifted by them.

3. Make time for each child. I am still struggling on this one. Because I have Aaminah and she is still so young so during the day when the kids are gone to school I make sure to spend time with just her but I have not really perfected it with the other children. I am working on this but I can see it is really important to them to feel that I am close to them. Insha'Allah I will improve in this area.

OK there are more but this is technically Aaminah time. :-) She is happy toddling around, occasionally watching Blue's Clues but mostly interesting in the gel stickies on the girls' window. :-) Ahhh better chase her down before she eats one. They look like gummy worms (although she doesn't know that). lol

Ma salaama....

Please say "Mabrook/Masha'Allah tabarakallah!"

A'salaamu alaikum! Sorry I started this post a few days ago an didn't realize that the title posted but nothing else. Shukran, Banana Anne for giving me a shout-out anyway. lol

Soooo alhamdulillah so much can happen in two weeks time! I am now happily married and my family has grown by one husband, a fish, 2 cats, and 3 children. Ok NOW say "Mabrook/Masha'allah tabarakallah!" ;-) Thanks.

I moved to Massachusettes to be with my husband. We had intended to take it slowly (well kind of) and he was coming down and we were getting married but we had thought I would stay in Knoxville for a month or two while he readied his apartment, I got packed up, etc.

However once we met and married, spent some time together, we realized we had no desire to be apart. We had both been wanting to be married for years to a good, practicing Muslim/Musimah which we both strive to be. Sisters, please let me tell you, I feel like my husband is a barakah from Allah. Wallah. He is educated in our deen and while very conservative in his family values and in his approach to Islam he is not heavy-handed or rude.

He is not a member of the "haram police" we've all met them before, right? ;-) He has the exact right mix and I could not be happier. I mean unless we actually did get a couple of days sans kids but I don't think that's gonna happen anytime soon. Maybe when they graduate... lol

Of course there have been alot of changes, some compromise, some messiness. Trying to consolidate two households into one apartment, mesh our eating habits and sleep schedules. Just in general acclimating to a new person in your life. But wait, you actually get 3 more! lol In A's case, he got me and a "bonus" as he calls Aaminah masha'allah. ;-)

I am happy, sisters. Really truly happy. I am thankful to Allah swt for leading me to this wonderful brother, I am happy to be a full-time mother and wife, I just love my life. Please make dua for us that Allah swt continue to bless us and that we grow in our practice and knowledge of Islam.

Ma salaama,

Umm Aaminah

Walima menu and... only two more days!!!

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. You know I really feel like I am legit in saying "ya'll" now (meaning the plurality of it) because I have followers. I am not an attention hound but I do like knowing I have sisters out there who care. So a big old jazakumallahu khair to you all and for your du'at as well!

OK so the nikaah and walima are going to be low-key. As I said before, we do not want a big production. We feel the best wedding is the most simple as RasoolAllah instructed us. Insha'allah I am sure ours will qualify as simple! ;-)

We are having the nikaah in the masjid so we really want to be sure that we have enough food to feed who ever might be stopping by to pray at that time. Our masjid is not a huge one so there is no worry there will be more than we can handle insha'allah.

So here is the menu. And yeah, it's a big eclectic but so am I and my friends so :-P lol

1. Sr. N is making a big pot of spaghetti with meat sauce for the children. It should definitely go over well with that crowd. She is also making Sindhi biryani which should be YUM.

2. Sr. D is going to make the maklouba. Oh happy day! The photo above is from a dinner I made and served at my home but is the same dish. Sr. D's is infinitely better than mine. :-)

3. Sr. B is going to ask her 12 yr old son to make knaffeh. You know the big orange, "hay" on top, creamy cheese layer on bottom dessert? Yeah that one. It's really good and I have even had this at a famous bakery in UAE but her son's is the BEST I have ever had.

4. I am going to probably purchase a couple of other small desserts. I really won't have time too cook; mama be busy doing other things! Like chasing Aaminah, getting her dressed, dressing my self, blah blah blah. :D

For drinks there will be bottled water, possibly coffee, and maybe a couple of pops. My new husband to be and his children do not drink pop. I crave diet Pepsi so I guess I'll have a stash set by for mama. :-)

OK I am exhausted and so much more to do plus my eyes are closing and I am about to fall asleep!

Ma salaama.....

5 more days... doing the happy dance!

A'salaamu alaikum ya akhiwaat! I'm getting married in FIVE, count 'em 5, days. Woo hoo. OK not very ladylike but then I never said I was. :-p

I am very excited for my zawj-to-be to get here. Of course I've had a FEW things to get done. :-) I've offered for them to stay here as I noted earlier so really a top to bottom clean of my apartment is in order. You know pre-Aaminah anyone could have dropped by and I wouldn't have broken a sweat. Now though.. well alhamdulillah I have the intention right? lol

You know I love lists so here goes:

1. Clean apartment- work in progress, coming along nicely. Note: My place isn't nasty just a little cluttered here and there. Not helped by my 3 mo long illness. :-)

2. Plan the nikaah- OK granted this isn't some fancy, high-faluting (does anyone besides Yosemite Sam even SAY that? lol) shindig. It will be small and brief insha'allah. :-) Of course I would appreciate a nice khutba but just saying.. My planning for this consists of getting the Imam there plus 2 witnesses and a wakil for myself. Really this is quite a task considering half the people will be on Muslim time. lol

3. Plan the walima- This task is a bit more daunting but still not too bad. As we are going to hold the nikaah at our masjid we will also serve the walima there. My friend Sr. N offered to make spaghetti for the kids plus a yummy biryani dish. I am going to implore my friend Sr. D to make maklouba (that's Arabiy for "upside down") which is D-lish and yes that's with a Capital D. :-) I will bring desserts and drinks and the paper products insha'Allah. The hardest part of this is making sure the quantity of food is correct because anyone at the masjid will need to be fed insha'allah.

4. Get myself ready!- Self explanatory but come on ladies you know this is probably more nerve wracking. Pick out an outfit for nikaah, pick out one for later ;-) trying to plan how to have some "alone" time when there are 4 kids involved. lol Insha'allah it will all work out.

THEN there are all the plans for moving I need to get started! Part of my cleaning bonanza is getting rid of that junk we hang onto that we don't need. I mean random things even like a scribbled recipe that has lived in my silverware drawer for 4 years (even surviving a move!) and various other unnecessary items that do not need to be moved to a new locale.

I have some Islamic clothing items I need to find a new home for, some khimars and abayas, maybe some of my Indian clothes. Insha'allah I'll go through them tomorrow. I would like to sell some of the things I am getting rid of but really just don't know if I have the time.

Anyway I need to get alot of things done, put in notices, etc. I am very excited about my life with my new husband-to-be insha'allah and it's worth any amount of work!

Please keep us in your dua that Allah blesses our marriage and our family,

Ma salaama....

Update on my impending nikaah

*I got this table at a yard sale for $5 and put it by my entrance way. Since I am talking about my furniture later in the post I thought I would show this photo.*

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll! Just wanted to update everyone on the brother I spoke so glowingly about. Alhamdulillah things are moving along just lovely. I spoke with the Imam at his masjid (which is a very large well-known one in his area) and received a stellar report on his conduct, attitude, and knowledge. He was referred to as "Sheikh" by the Imam which, to be honest, intimidated me. :-)

He also spoke with someone where I live in regards to my Islamic character and attitude; he was apparently very pleased as he texted me later and said I had received a high rating. ;-) Masha'allah he is also very funny and relaxed which I appreciate as well.

So what next? Well he lives about 1000 miles from my home so traveling to meet is no light matter. However, he is coming down next weekend for us to meet. Alhamdulillah he will be bringing his 3 children (he is a single father) and I will have Aaminah and my boys so it will be really nice insha'Allah.

I've offered for them to stay in my apartment and Aami and I will sleep at my friend's place. I thought it was unnecessary for him to pay to rent a vehicle, drive all the way down and then have to stay in a yucky hotel. Especially having his children with him. I have toys for the youngest to play with and more space for the two older ones.

I am looking forward to meeting my future husband insha'Allah. :-) Now I want ya'll's opinion on a couple of things: what should I do here to make him more comfortable? He is of Tunisian origin so if anyone knows of some neat little tradition or a beloved snack, please share insha'allah.

If all goes well we might go ahead with our nikaah while he is here. Then the next time we would see each other would be when he makes the trip back to Tennessee to help me move my things. You see, I like my stuff. :-( I am not materialistic but I enjoy having nice furniture and I like cooking with my own utensils. So we'll need to rent a U-haul (or equivalent lol) and drive it 1,000 miles. Subhanallah.

Please make dua for us that Allah guides us to what is best for us in this dunya as well as in our deen. May He make it easy for us, amin.

Ma salaama,

Hospital stays and husand-hunting forays

Well here is a pic of the yummy food at my hospital. lol OK so it's not really great but the women who deliver it are awesome. :-) I really like the hospital and the nurses and staff here. They are great to me!

Well alhamdulillah it's been a while since I posted and alot is going on. I have been really sick and in and out of the hospital. As you all know, I had a kidney transplant in 2002. Alhamdulillah! However the anti-rejection meds I take (twice a day for life) make is easier for me to get sick and unfortunately stay sick. Which is where I am now.

Since returning from UAE I have been hospitalized 4 times for an e coli infection that JUST WON'T GO AWAY! Alhamdulillah it isn't system/septic it was just in my urinary tract. Now however it has turned into a full-blown kidney infection (pyleonephritis) and in my transplanted kidney at that! Alhamdulillah my kidney function is ok but I have had pain, high fevers, and chills off and on now for two months.

When the kidney pain returned this weekend I had to come back to the hospital. They want to keep me for about 4 or 5 days total to give me i.v. antibiotics in the hope that this will knock it out once and for all. Please make dua/pray for me that these meds work. Having an infection for a long time can really wreck havoc on your body and I need it easy for a while. :-)

I have been searching for a new husband, sisters. Once my iddah was up I was halal and I really didn't feel like allowing the disapproval of others to stop me. If Allah says I am halal, then that's good enough for me. :-) I feel like I have been single for years now because both of my marriages post-Islam ended in divorce and they were not true marriages.

I know the sisters and brothers who think I am being hasty have good intentions but I really feel they are letting western ideals cloud their Islamic reasoning. I am not trying to substitute anyone for another, I simply want a good, practicing Muslim man who puts Allah first, his family second, and the rest of the world last.

Alhamdulillah I have met a very good brother masha'Allah. He was schooled in Shariah in KSA, teaches at an Islamic school in the northeast and has 3 children masha'allah. He has been caring for them since his divorce several years ago. His son told him, "I'll call you Baba in the morning and Ummi at night when you cook for us". Masha'allah!lol I feel very positive about this brother and here are some reasons why:

I changed my MO. As a convert I am restricted in how I can search for a husband. I don't have family to look for me and help me separate the wheat from the chaff and as I am older with children, no one in the masjid thinks of me for anyone unless they are old enough to be my father subhanallah. :-)

So while I did the Muslim matrimony website thingy I developed new rules. Here they are (and he passed all these with flying colors!!!!):

1. References, references, references. If a brother isn't willing to give me personal and family references, I am not interested. I don't expect it the minute we make contact because who knows? But if we make that intention to marry it is a must.

2. I have to meet or at least talk to his family prior to marriage. Sounds straight forward right? Well it never happened for me before and I always accepted the excuses. Not now; this is a non-negotiable for me.

3. When a brother wants to marry me "if..." I pass them by. I am not perfect, subhanallah, I know this. But I am worthwhile. Allah swt LED me to Islam. He tests me daily with a multitude of trials. I am learning to see my positives more than my "negatives" such as age, marital status, educational background, and weight.

4. If I feel uneasy for ANY reason, I take it as a sign from Allah. He gave me a brain and I feel He expects me to use it. :-) In the past, for a myriad of reasons, I would ignore those feelings and it led to disaster or at least divorce.:-) Untenable situations or half-truths, lies, I tried to justify. No more. I demand the same openness and truthfulness I exhibit.

5. I will not compromise on my important needs. I never thought my list was particularly stringent: a practicing Muslim who STRIVES for the pleasure of Allah and it SHOWS in his life, who loves his family, who is kind, affectionate, and willing and happy to spend time with me.

6. FATAL ERROR: One brother said to me, "It's ok you have a small daughter." WHAT? It's OK? Its a blessing from Allah and he should have been HONORED I would think of letting him help raise Aaminah. So big big BIG mistake brutha. lol

It's getting late but I think that is all. Of course I need to be attracted to him but really that is easy for me. I am not so picky. I like moderate to appropriate weight (I know the irony lol) and I reallllllllly like a beard. Oh masha'Allah a brother with a beard, straight in his behavior, on the sunnah, good with his deen, taqwa.... these things are so beautiful to me.

Anyway so this is pretty representative of what I am looking for and what I demand. The brother I have met is all of these things... and more. I pray Allah makes it easy for us. Amin!

Please keep me in your dua sisters; really I cannot keep doing this, trusting and being hurt. I just need a good zawj who fears Allah and will treat me like he would insist his sisters be treated. Not too much to ask. :-)

Ma salaama.....

Up before Fajr

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. This morning I was awake when the time for fajr came in. Subhanallah it was so peaceful so quiet. Even Aaminah was uncharacteristically silent, no rustlings coming from her crib.

This is a beautiful time of morning. I have been trying to wake up in the last 1/3 of the night (as this is when Allah is closest to us) and pray. Alhamdulillah I have been waking up most mornings but have only been making du'a (although heartfelt) but not actually offering a nafil rakat of prayer. It seems with the baby still small I am always right on the verge of being soooooo tired. :-) and sleep beckons me.

So this morning found me awake before the alarm enjoying the silence and peace that filled my house. You may be wondering why I only speak of Aaminah and myself when I have 2 sons and a zawj. Well isn't that a story in itself? lol

My sons are from a previous (pre-reversion) marriage and they stay mainly with their father. Aaminah is in LOVE with her brothers and follows them around constantly when they are here! It's really very sweet to see.

As for 3abdullah, he is in UAE at the present working. We have been married for 3 months now alhamdulillah but have yet to live together. I have been soo patient ukhtis! :-) Insha'allah we are praying to be together before the end of Ramadhan; please make du'a that Allah swt removes this hardship from us and allows us the simple, basic, often taken for granted pleasure of being with our spouse insha'Allah.

Wasalaam,

Umm Aaminah