What do you wear in your home?



*At Sr. Ahsan's suggestion, I removed the photo of a classical painting depicting a woman in a Turkish hammam (public bath). It was Islamically inappropriate in that it showed her awrah and I thank the sister for speaking up. :-)*

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. After a conversation with a friend I was wondering what other wear in their home? I feel like I might be a little weird, now, based on her laughter. I always wear a long dress (usually sleeveless, tho, I get hot easy) and most often with light, stretchy pants under it but not always. I have a couple of "house-dresses" I wear that are actually made for out and about but aren't too hijab friendly for me.

On the rare occasion I wear a shirt, it comes to my knees and then I wear pants with it. Sometimes I do wear a denim skirt and kameez shirt in the house but to be honest I generally don't go to all the trouble.

I guess I get a kick out of all the old paintings and descriptions of a seraglio and the scantily-clad women. Also in a book written by an American reporter about women in Islam (I won't give the title a shout-out) she described being invited to a part in the middle east where the before burka'd women were in transparent negligees, their lack of hair apparent. I was like LOL yeah right! I hate it when the media panders the to appetites of the masses.

And this was supposed to be in KSA if memory serves. Anyway I really doubt the veracity of her claims and I am pretty sure most of my readers dress in a somewhat similiarly modest fashion.

So, what do you guys wear in the home?

This isn't my ummah

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. I'm not sure how much I've shared about my current masjid on here. I really miss my old one, which I loved even before moving away. However, absence surely does make the heart grow fonder.

My current masjid is fairly segregated. The Indo-Paks stay with the Indo-Paks, the Egyptians with the Egyptians, Somalis with Somalis... yeah you get the picture. Of course I've met a few very sweet sisters of all different nationalities and ethnicities alhamdulillah but they appear to be few and far between.

This masjid does offer weekly Friday night halaqas with dinner afterward. We've went a few times but never very often. During Ramadhan last year, I pretty much swore off going to the masjid because of the crowding and the horrible manners of the people.

Time often makes us forget.

So tonight I decided to take my friend Lisa and her daughter plus myself and my two stepdaughters. (Aaminah fell asleep before we left.) The halaqa was nice but even through the website said it started at 7:45 it didn't start til 8:30 so we waited a long time. It lasted an hour masha'Allah and by the time we prayed maghrib, had the halaqa, and the food was ready it was 10:15. So pretty late right?

Anyway I go downstairs with my friend Lisa. She is pregnant masha'Allah and has several other health conditions that make walking very difficult for her. I am well... me :-) with my myriad of problems so my stepdaughters offered to get a plate for both me and Sr. Lisa. Very sweet masha'Allah.

We get downstairs and the typical territorial behavior is on display; this table is for the Masris, this one is only Moroccans, etc. I find a table with just 2 girls at it. Apparently they try to say we can't sit but there are no plates at the table and only these two girls so I take one of the 8 chairs available. I am not going to stand to eat when there is a free table and I am definitely not going to stand while 2 young girls sit.

Apparently this was a mistake. No sooner did I sit down with Lisa than the girl's mother starting gesticulating and talking in Arabic. Sorry I'm not budging. She is in the back of the food line and it always takes a long time for the sisters to get their food. I have plenty of time to eat, plus do they really need all those chairs?

During the entire 10 minutes I am trying to quickly eat my dinner so I can catch the Isha salaat, we are getting the stink eye big time from these Arab sisters. There a lot of catty looks, outright stares and muttered phrases. OK yeah I get it, you dont' want us at "your" table. Tougha-lucka sister, we're sitting here.

The catch? There were plenty of seats for their family plus some random chairs scattered here and there. Anyway the grouchiest woman tries to come over and take the seat Sr. Lisa's daughter Aliyah had just stood up from. Lisa says, "No I'm sorry, my daughter is sitting there". Apparently that threw the woman into a fit. Uh-huh, ok.

It was ludicrous, to say the least. I head upstairs for prayer but Sr. Lisa stays behind because she has to help Aliyah eat. I get back and the stink-eye is still being given. Great. So much for sisterhood huh?

The next thing I know, hormonal pregnant Sr. Lisa looks at the Arab lady and says, "Are you talking about my friend?" and looks like she is about to open up a can of whoop-ass, Jerry Springer style. LOL

Apparently the woman had started pointing very bluntly at me and saying, "blah blah blah her, her, her!". She answers Sr. Lisa and says, "No, I was talking about something else," and tries to point at a Gatorade bottle. Yes, very scintillating conversation.

LOL yeah ok. So they start to talk about us in Arabic but my stepdaughter Hafsa understands and she said they were saying something like "Can't that old woman get up and get her own food" or something. They said a lot of other stuff but Hafsa said it was in a slang she didn't understand. Nice.

Are you joking me?? What kind of so-called "sisters" are these to a) not want us to sit with them, b) to talk about us in front of us and c) call us names? What???

I felt like I was in middle school, wallah.

Then came the final debacle. Someone set out ice-cream with no one to serve it. All hell broke loose. Misakeen little kids were standing in line and some sisters (also the ones who were so rude to us) started breaking the line and physically pushing the little kids! They were grabbing bowls and taking serving spoons away from others.

Most of the little kids didn't get any ice-cream. It was ridiculous. My friend Sr. Lisa went up to try and restore some order but it was a lost cause. She did help a couple of little kids get theirs but the sisters had big bowls for themselves.

I'm telling you sisters, my heart is so sad right now I could cry. At first I was annoyed by their lack of manners and their obvious rudeness to me and my friend but then, especially after seeing how they acted over some generic $5 a gallon ice-cream, I just felt defeated.

This feeling has stuck with me all night. As we were leaving a group of teenage girls dressed in skin tight pants and see-through hijabs saw me walk past in my khimar and abaya and looked me up and down and gave me ugly looks. I know this cause I was in front of the rest of my group and they all saw these girls and were thinking..."Um why are you staring like that?"

So I drive home just feeling disbelief and unhappiness and yes, a little anger at the state of our ummah. As I neared my home, I had to stop by our local convenience store for some milk. I put it up on the counter and the young clerk asked me if I had seen the date. Apparently the milk was expiring that day.

"Oh no I didn't notice, thank you" and I started to turn to go get another gallon. Masha'Allah he insisted to go get it for me and was nothing but kind and polite the entire time.

As I walked back to my car, I could feel tears pricking my eyelids. I was treated so much kinder by a stranger at the store than I was by someone I should be able to call "sister" and turn to if I ever needed anything.

I miss my old masjid. :-(

The weirdest thing happened to me today...

Just another example of awkwardness. :-D

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. When I say the weirdest thing, I should say THE weirdest thing EVER happened to me today.

OK that's a lot of pressure but it was really really strange. :-)

Let me preface it with a back story. About a month ago I had taken Aaminah to the local library. We were outside enjoying a snack on the beautiful spring day when a woman approached us. She was... interesting. She started asking me if I was a Muslim, if I was hot the way I was dressed :-P and if my husband allowed me to drive! She also wanted to know if I was allowed to work.

I said, "No I choose not to work. My husband works for me and brings me his paycheck home." LOL Anyway she had no compulsion about asking me anything and everything but I tried very hard to be kind to her as I felt she was perhaps a bit slow and definitely lacking in social graces.

Anyway today my friend Sr. Lisa and I were going to the local Salvation  Army store for 1/2 off Wednesdays. (Yes! I love them!) Anyway as we got out of the car, that same woman approached us. Sr. Lisa was kind of taken aback as the woman appeared to know her (probably got us confused although we look nothing alike, save our heads are covered!).

As I rounded the car she was asking, "Are you guys sisters?" In my last conversation with her, I explained the sisterhood concept in Islam. I answered affirmatively.

She then proceeded to tell us the following:

"I have this friend who wanted me to be her Lesbian lover a year and a half ago. I don't know what to do. Everytime I see her, she asks me to be her girlfriend and does this at me."

The woman started gyrating her hips and wiggling her breasts in a sexual pantomime which left both me and Lisa speechless. WTHeck????

Sr. Lisa looks away in acute embarassment and alhamdulillah I had to presence of mind to take over the situation.

"I'm sorry but I really cannot help you with this issue. This isn't a conversation I am comfortable having and we have to go. Now."

LOL It was sooooooo awkward! I mean, who does that????? First off, what are we, a Muslim version of Ann Landers? Relationship advisers? And what exactly, pray tell, about us makes her think we are the ones to have her back in a spurned-lesbian-advance situation???

I have possibly never been in such a publicly awkward situation. Never. Insha'Allah I never will again!

As we hurried off, the lady calls out, "Please pray for me..." and I assure her, "Oh yes, we will definitely pray for you!".

Oh.my.goodness.

Ma salaama ya'll!

The pot calling the kettle black

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. I am pretty loathe to admit this. It is absolutely horrible, hypocrital, and uncalled for. HOWEVER, it was my gut reaction and one I am sure others have shared in, whether knowingly or unknowingly.

I judged a sister for being fat.

There, I said it. Perhaps you don't really get how ridiculous this is. I am fat. (Ewww I said it. Out loud.) Anyway I am and I am (for the most part) happy with who I am. I know I have worth, I am intelligent, funny, caring, compassionate, and well.... just plain ole ME!

So here's what happened: there was a small little conversation on facebook and a sister I don't really know made a comment. Of course, I glanced at her profile pic and saw she was overweight. I instantly (and not even consciously) regarded her comment less seriously.

No, I am not joking. :-(

Anyway, I was going to comment (what she had said wasn't quite right, I felt, and I wanted to clarify an issue) but I got too busy. I logged back on later and saw this conversation again. I thought, Oh I don't think that sister is who I thought it was. So I click on her profile.

No, it wasn't who I thought it was. It was a sister but she was rather thin and had that look of an intense academic about her. Immediately I revised my opinion of her comment. 

Then it hit me. Whaaaaaaaaaaat? I examined what had happened, how I had went from kinda ignoring what she said to immediately reconsidering her point.

One explanation, which I am sure is part of it, is that this sister is an educated person who is qualified to hold an educated opinion. However, that wasn't how I made my original assessment. I thought she was overweight and I ranked her accordingly.

Ya Allah, you don't know how this appalls me! Not only the issue that it was over being fat while I, myself, am fat. But also because as a Muslim, as a human being, I pride myself on being open, accepting, and non-judgemental.

Yah. I do. OK laugh, I can appreciate the irony too.

I really analyzed my reaction and I think I know why I was dismissive of this sister in the beginning. I might realllly annoy some people with this but I am prepared. This is my blog, and my experiences, and my thoughts. Good or bad. This just happens to be some of the bad. :-(

Islam, alhamdulillah, was brought to some of the more ignorant and arrogant people on the face of the earth: the Arabs. Pre-Islam they were steeped in ridiculous traditions and a multitude of gods and were adamantly opposed to any type of change. Subhanallah, what Allah can make transpire!

Our religion has always spoken to the downtrodden: the mistreated slave, the unwanted baby girls, the exploited and the mis-used. Alhamdulillah again.

Even today, those who are unwanted or uninvited to other religions can find a home in the masjid.

OK I'm beating around the bush. Let me just come out with it. I've met many many women, overweight, divorced, with children, with disabilities, with little to no education,  often unemployed, etc. etc., come in and ask to learn about Islam.

After I would meet with them, the majority (90% of them) would explain how they met Mr. So and So, a Muslim, online. They got their groove on, started "dating" online, and now he's coming over from (fill in any Muslim majority country here except the Gulf, it appears). She wants to learn the basics (alhamdulillah) and find out about converting.

I would spend time with them, give them hijabs, an abaya, a Qur'an, literature; send them emails, call to check on them. Be available to answer any questions and being so willing to share the beauty of Islam and my conversion story with them. Basically accepting them as a friend even though many of the things about them personally were off-putting but I did it fi sabilallah (for the sake of Allah).

I didn't hear from most of them again. They wanted to know what any non-Muslim might want to know about Islam, to have that background information. Very few of them converted and from the few that did,  they seemed content to do no more than (possibly) pray. They rarely made any effort to gain more knowledge or dress more appropriately.

It seemed the carrot of marriage dangled in front of them by some good-lookin' muslim hottie (whom they should have sensed was out of their league) enticed them change teams. And that was the extent of their interest. Unfortunately for the few who would sporadically attend the masjid or stay in contact, the "brothers" the hooked up with invariably ended up either cheating on them, already being married (without the woman's knowledge) or just out-right leaving her.

Actually one woman went to meet a so-called brother in a different state. He was surprised she didn't bring her children with her (one of whom was a cute 14 yr old girl she had allowed him to speak with!). When she questioned how upset he was, he admitted he didn't want to marry the mom at all but had anticipated her bringing her young daughter with her. He wanted to court the DAUGHTER, not the mom. Subhanallah.

(Note: she actually let her daughter marry the man at the age of 15- no I'm not joking- and now alhamdulillah that daughter is still a muslim but the mother and younger children have went back to their previous way of life. It appears the man promised his soon-to-be MIL- who used to be his fiance!- a house and car, which never transpired.)

Sorry, back to the regularly scheduled program.

So I was happy when I realized why I had this immediate and gut reaction but still very unhappy about it. I guess I should also add that the sister's' name was very obviously that of a convert so it wasn't JUST the issue of weight but also that she was a convert. Once again, yes, the irony.

Please, I don't want or need any comments about how wrong this was. Yah, I get that. I also don't need any comments from my fellow fat sisters out there being enraged. Once again, yah, I know, it was W R O N G.  Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.

I have prayed, and asked Allah swt to change my attitude and change my heart in this matter.

Finally, a cute sarubobo :-)

See? Brave enough to enlarge this photo. :-)

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. So I made another one; I couldn't wait, the last one was just sooo... Oh I don't know, like the fat girl who doesn't get invited to the dance, or the stupid cousin you'd like to erase from your family tree. :-)) I felt after TWO craftin' failures in a row, I really had to get back my street cred.

Such as it were. Ahem.

Anyhoo... sorry I'm a little annoyed now. Just got a call from Yousef's school saying we needed to meet with the principal and his teacher because the teacher apparently had been trying to get in contact with A and could not. Wait a minute, WTHeck? I spoke with this teacher at the beginning of the year and he offered to send home a daily report (Yousef, my stepson, has some behavior issues) which would detail his behavior plus his homework.

IT NEVER CAME. Can you do the math? That was in September, now it's almost May. It never ever ever came. I even spoke with the Asst. Principal about it a few weeks ago. So now suddenly THEY have been trying to contact us? Hmmmm. Don't think so.

This is gonna lead me to another little rant. I hate hate hate hate despise when people assume because we are practicing Muslims (read: beard and abaya sportin', they know nothing about our ibadah) that we are ignorant. It makes me want to get a PhD in ass-y-ness (as this principal apparently has!!) just so I can saunter in and say, "No, actually, its' DOCTOR Umm Aaminah." LOL

They always, always act surprised when a) I speak correct english, b) understand what they are saying and c) actually have some original and pertinent thoughts of my own. Gasp!

OK sorry for that. I usually am pretty upbeat, give others the benefit of the doubt, but I really dislike this school system here. I never faced these issues in Tennessee. Well I mean my friends never faced these issues; everyone got along and there was a minimum of ass-y-ness to deal with. Anyway sorry I had to share all that but she just called and interrupted my happy happy post about my sarubobo skillz.

So back to that:  To recap, I first made this:

"Dur-de-dur-dur-dur!!!!"

And then I managed to create this:

"Oh look at me, la-dee-dee! I'm so cute and petite!" lol

 Alright, really all I wanted to say; the rest is just gravy. :-)

Ma salaama ya'll!

Looks can be deceiving!

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll! Did you see the yummy looking box of goodies we received from a neighbor for Eid? Masha'allah it was sooo sweet of the brother, and sooo beautiful!

Don't these look absolutely divine?

Alas, I could not eat them. :-( And believe me, I was salivating at the thought. However, these had a really funky taste, like they had marinated in cigarette smoke for a good couple of days before being liberally doused with pine tar. :-(

OK maybe I am exaggerating a tiny bit but they tasted smoky/piney. I've never had a pastry that tasted like that before! I think possibly it was pine essence... dunno. My family liked them pretty well but it was a deal-breaker for me.

Anyone else experienced this level of heartbreak before? :-) Jazakallahu khair to the brother for the beautiful thought but maybe next time he'll just give me a bottle of Liquid Smoke instead. LOL Oh for what its worth they came from a Lebanese bakery; maybe there's some weird little flavoring they use that just doesn't jive with Western tastes.

Ma salaama ya'll!

To my lost love

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. This is a poignant post, about loves lost, hearts broken, desires unfulfilled.

OK maybe that a wee bit dramatic. I'm talking about a great cheeseburger! :-) You know the kind that's tender and char-grilled and so delicious you drool just thinking of it? For me mayo and sweet onions are requisite, all else can be haggled over or even left off.

I looooove cheeseburgers and I no longer get to indulge. Why, UofA, why you may ask. No it's not my fluid waistline or a problem with my cholesterol, it's the halal beef. Why can't it taste as lovely as a nice package of Angus 85/20 from Krogers always did? Why can't it have that lovely juicy, beefy taste? And what happened to the texture, the melt-in-you-mouth tenderness I need?

Ah the halal burger just isn't the same. To me, no halal beef is. I eat it, and some cuts prepared some ways I can accept. But ground beef just isn't one of them. Growing up, ground beef was a staple at our table. It was not so expensive so it found its way onto our plates at least 3 times a week. Now my life is all beige and white, with various poultry and fish products filling the void.

Pork? I don't miss you! You are nasty and greasy and the smell of you cooking does now truly turn my stomach. Hijab-free days, with the wind in my hair, you are missed but I do not yearn for you anymore. The guiltfree pleasure of music blaring on my car stereo while the windows are down and the sun warms my skin... you too have been replaced and barely missed.

But beef, oh beef, you shall not soon be forgotten.

Okey dokey, just realized unless some of my readers obsess about love food like I do, you might think this is a little strange. lol I'm prepared to deal with the backlash.

Cheeseurger, I'll see YOU in Jannah insha'allah!!!!!!!!