Still here :-)

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. This is just a brief update. Why brief, UofA? Because I'm mentally and emotionally drained, and I am physically exhausted. That's why. :-)

Anyway so I am still waiting on my own apartment! The complex had one opening up the first of November then the lady calls and says, "You are going to hate me.". I was thinking, great. But alhamdulillah I was very polite to her. She made an error and it's going to be Dec. 1st before an apartment is available.

Oh my gracious, really? It's getting very stressful living here and there. I feel like we are homeless. My daughter needs a home, I need a home. It's getting difficult to live off the charity of friends. I mean alhamdulillah we are great houseguests. We cook and clean, are quiet, play well with others. :-) But it's just mentally hard. I like my own space, my own little piece of this world where I can have a modicum of peace and tranquility. Ya Allah I need that!

So I am also looking for a job. A very sweet sister has asked me to babysit her 2 week old baby for her. Yes 2 weeks old. She is here to finish her Ph.D and she must go back now. I feel so sad for her but I need the money and I really want to help them.

I kinda miss the days when I could do those things fi sabilillah! But now it's necessary to take money to help provide for my daughter. Pray this works out and that something more stable and better paying comes along. Amin. :-)

So what else can I whine about?? LOL I think that's it. I haven't been taking good care of myself though. When things are rough I am the one I forget about, trying to take care of everything else. Alhamdulillah. However, I am so overdue for an appointment with my nephrologist, I need a CT scan to check on placement and exact size of that pesky little stone, I need and encoscope AND a colonoscopy done. Yes joy joy, it's just another wonderful perk of being Jeanna. :-) Yay me. lol

I am keeping my spirits up pretty well; I have days where I think, "What can I do with $3 and a pocket of used tissue?" (Thanks to Ms. Aaminah's newfound allergies! lol). The answer is simple:

Nothing on my own. So it is supremely humbling to be in this situation again and I am trying to use it as a tool to remind me of all my blessings. Yeah we don't have a home... but we have so many wonderful friends and family who would let us stay with them. Yeah my van isn't here.... but my son has let me borrow his car since I've been here. I didn't have the money to bring my van here... then an online friend I've never met sent me $200 to pay the expenses of someone driving it down.

Subhanallah. The barakah, both big and small, we can find when we just look.

Please make dua for my family and I as we go through this difficult process of moving back to our home. I hope to start blogging again regularly but you know my motto... um well I've never really had a motto but I always try to not whine and I really super-try to not talk ill of another Muslim or say things they would prefer be left unsaid. That's why my blog has been a bit quite. I am sure you all understand.

So keep me in your duat and say a special prayer for Aaminah that Allah swt blesses and protects her, amin. :-)

Love you all fi sabilillah! Ma salaama...

Relocating...again

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. Sorry I've been so quiet lately; our life is in a bit of upheaval, trying to get everything moved. It's really stressful trying to get things organized long distance.

Hudson is about a 15 hour drive from Knoxville; I have to find a way to get all my furniture, our clothing, Aaminah's toys, cooking utensils, etc down here. I found an apartment but unfortunately they do not have an opening until November.

We are staying with my friend Sr. Lisa right now, may Allah bless her. She had her baby boy, Bilal, a beautiful little guy masha'allah! I've been busy trying to help her, take care of Aaminah, get our things situated, see family and friends... really I am exhausted.

I have most of the things taken care of except for the physical moving. Ya Allah.. honestly I don't know what to do. A offered to pack my things, rent a truck, and even load it; masha'Allah that's very kind. However, I have to find someone to drive it down plus my van.

I am terrified at the thought of having to do that myself; I'm not sure why either. I've been driving for 20 years, it's not like I'm incapable. However, that 15 hour drive, especially if driving a moving van and towing a van!, is more than daunting.

If ya'll have any ideas for me, please share. Otherwise, I am just not sure what to do. :-)

Ma salaama...

Ummi is movin'

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. So here's a bit of an interesting update: Ummi of Aami is moving. No not to wordpress, not to a private domain... I'm actually, physically, moving. Back home to Tenneessee. Alhamdulillah for it all.

I've missed my sons, my family, my muslim community here. I missed my volunteer activities at my masjid and I missed my job there, too, as the administrative assistant. I missed my muslim sisters here and the companionship and camaraderie we shared.

Alhamdulillah A and I had some issues in our marriage but my stance has not changed. I will never divulge private information that was at one time priveleged confidences between spouses. May Allah give him better in this life and the next, amin.

Of course we did not divorce in animosity; we are Muslims alhamdulillah and fear Allah so we have kept our discourses kind and have no ill will or feelings towards the other. I just ask that you all keep us in your du'a. You should also know I did not disclose our issues when they first occurred; it's just that I'm now comfortable informing you guys.

So of course I'll miss some things about Massachusetts; Aaminah and I lived in the cutest little town, Hudson. It was awesome in the winter, to experience the 3 foot high snow drifts and snow in the moonlight is something I wish everyone could experience in this life. The summers were muhajabat friendly too and sisters, ya'll know that's awesome!

But in the end, I wanna be home. Where snow is practically non-existant and schools close if 2 inches fall. Where snow falling in the moonlight is a rare occurence indeed and the summers send me running inside, to seek the comfort of an overworked A/C. Home is home and the rest simply doesn't matter.

So how will this affect UofA? Psssht ya'll must be kidding. I'll still be here, doing what I do, talking about mi vida loca, my children and family, my faith, food.... yeah you got it.

I love you all fi sabilillah!!! Ma salaama...

On hiatus

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. I left on Sept 2nd for a long over-due visit back home to East TN. Yay!!!! :-) I've spent time with all of my close family and I've seen my muslim family too. It's been awesome!!!!!  My friend Sr. Lisa is expecting a baby on the 19th of this month and her husband had to go out of the country for a couple of weeks. I stepped in to fill-in. :-)

I'm so excited about her baby!!!! Insha'Allah I can stay here a bit after he's born as well although once Abu Bilal returns it will be a tight fit and a bit awkward, staying around a non-mahrem. Anyway, I'm home!!!!

Here are a few pics for your viewing enjoyment. :-) And I'll be back, sooner or later; sorry I've neglected ya'll!!!

Aaminah and Alex, two of my babies!

Brother, Mom, myself (how did you know?? lol) and my sis.

View of my great-uncle's flower-covered shed. Beautiful!

Me and ALL my babies! 18, 14, and 3... wow.

She's a country girl at heart! PS this is a self-portrait titled "Bare feet" lol

Yeah, I was "glowing". It was hot as heck out there!

At least 3 generation have swung on that tree! Mamaw (my grandmother) used to have a clotheline strung there.

Aaminah and I at 'eid prayer. BEFORE the crowd. This is my chador-e-melli abaya btw. :-)

My little sweetheart. Later there was no room to move up there, masha'Allah!

From Oct. 2010 when we last visited :-)

Stupid cats and buttermilk biscuits

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. So the title of my blog post is born of my early-morning annoyance. :-) I got up to pray fajr and decided to stay up, do the post on my homemade buttermilk biscuits, and have a nice cuppa latte. Uh, yeah, homemade from a mix! :-D

Anyway had my steamy, milky, yummy cup all made but didn't put the spill-proof lid on it yet. Foreshadowing, anyone? lol It was a bit too hot. Then my stepdaughter Zainab needed me to sign a few forms for school, ok great.

Basheq our cat likes to jump on our counters. I hate it. I don't want his behind on the place where I prep my food. So he jumps up, Zainab PETS HIM, and I instruct her to make him get down. This is a never-ending saga at our home. Well he jumps up again and I slap his bottom.

He takes off like a greased bullet, not jumping straight down, but rather streaking across the counter, spilling my FULL HOT CUP OF STEAMING LATTE, knocking over a dish and the fruit bowl. STUPID CAT!!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrr. I put up with him on the best of days (ok ok so I like him a little!) but this just took the cat. Well that's a freudian slip. Meant to say "cake" as in took the cake. LOL

Out goes the cat on the balcony, and down goes me and Z to clean the floor. So now, here I sit, happily ensconced with my 2nd latte of the day and a toasted Pop-Tart. Ooops, sorry, toaster pastry cause ya'll know frugal mamas buy generic. LOL

Alright on to the recipe! I need to check and see if I have any photos; surely at some point I've photographed my lovelies. :-) To any of my UK/rest of the world readers, down south in the US a biscuit is a work of art. It's not a sweet or what we call a cookie and ya'll call biscuit. It's a yummy, lovely, fluffy, edible work of art and every southern cook worth her weight (and ya'll, I got some weight!!!) can make these babies.

I started being responsible to make the family bread when I was about 9 or so. Down south, for the most part, that's either buttermilk biscuits or cornbread. Rolls are for Sunday dinners and Thanksgiving. Please try to keep up. lol

First, and this is gonna stymie most of my readers, you must must must must have White Lily self-rising flour. OK so you can use all-purpose, I'm no stranger to adding baking powder, but White Lily is a must. It's the only flour made from soft winter wheat. It has a lower gluten level which equates to being less tough and chewy. Nice for white bread, bad for biscuits.

You can use another flour but I will not eat your biscuits. LOL When I came here to Massachusetts, I tried King Arthur (a very well-respected brand) Pillsbury, and generic brands. Nothing came close. I looked it up online, trying to find a retailer here. No such luck.

So how, Ummi of Aami, do you get your flour? It's a well-known fact you must bring me a 5lb sack or two when you visit here. My mom and sister both have kept me supplied if I am judicious in my usage. Meaning no more thrice weekly biscuit baking sessions. Boo hoo hoo! Losing my southern accent and my biscuit eating. LOL Actually my sister MAILED me 10 lbs of the good stuff once.

White Lily used to be produced in Knoxville, TN, my little almost-home town. (I was from the countryside, not the "big city" lol.) They shut down production and now it's getting harder to find. They were bought out by Smuckers (damn you, Smuckers!) and now it's made in a plant in Ohio.



OK I just realized how extremely passionate I feel about the subject of biscuit-making and flour. That's because, as a southern girl, biscuits were a part of the almost daily fabric of our lives. Many stories and memories are played out with them in the background, the humble little biscuit.

Alright so if you can get the flour then you need the fat. Before, of course, people used lard which is rendered pig fat. OMG. We never used it (of course pre-Islam I used to eat pork) but it has a heavy greasy odor that's a bit foul to my delicate sensibilities. hehe  The fat of choice?

Cue Crisco! Hydrogenated vegetable oil, solid at room temp and creamy white. OK yeah I've used generic in the past but for my bona-fide, no-fail biscuits, it's Crisco baby.



Yeah, as the picture shows, it makes awesome pie-crust too. ;-)

Alright, flour check, shortenin' check, now the buttermilk. Finally something you can get generic but up here in MA I prefer to use Katie's. Is a home-town company and a great product. Anyway never ever ever ever ever make biscuits without buttemilk. If you don't have it, you don't need biscuits. Do yourself a favor and just make bread. LOL Because there is truly no substitute for thick, tangy buttermilk. Still following? Ok great...

Hey, that's it! 3 ingredients, super-yummy, and here's how ya make it:

Pre-heat oven to 500f. Yes, 500. They cook hot and fast!

Measure out 2 cups self-rising flour. If using all-purpose add half-tsp salt and about 1 tbsp baking powder. Add around a 1/4 cup shortening and mix til crumbly. Don't over mix; I use either a pastry blender or a fork. It should resemble course crumbs.

Next take about 3/4 cup buttermilk. Add it slowly to make sure you don't over-saturate. Wet dough sucks! Mix in slowly with a fork and mix it gently. You don't wanna over-stimulate the gluten; biscuits should be light and airy.

So mix it gently til you have a cohesive ball of dough, sticky but not wet! Turn it out onto a well-floured counter top. Growing up, we used to make them on newspaper. Yeah, go figure. Anyway sprinkle it lightly with flour, and knead GENTLY 8-10 times. Really use a light touch or you'll end up with hockey pucks. :-)

Either roll or pat out; I usually just pat it out with my hands. I also don't have a biscuit cutter so I use the outer sleeve of my measuring cup (it's a sliding one). I really need a biscuit cutter tho!

Gather up the scraps and gently pat them out cut again. We don't waste biscuit dough!!! lol

Place them gently on the non-greased cookie sheet. I don't let my touch, placing them an inch or so apart. Do it however you like.

Never throw away the little scrap left over. Either make a whimsical biscuit shape or let your kids make their own. Aaminah and both my boys loved doing that.

Now bake in the hot 500f oven for 10 minutes. Yeah 10 minutes. In the meantime, melt a bit of butter to brush on the tops as soon as they come out. The yum-factor is outta this world.

Serve with turkey sausage gravy (oh yes please!), any breakfast meat, or just butter, jelly or honey. Or do like us and eat it all 3 ways at one time. haha Makes 8 or so biscuits.

Hmmm now I'm wanting some biscuits! Here's a pic of the finished, mouth-watering photo:

Delicious homemade buttermilk biscuit with beef baconomgomgomg! :)



Ma salaama ya'll! This was in response to Sr. Teri's request for my buttermilk biscuit recipe.

Ramadhan retrospective

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. Ya Ramadhan, ya Ramdhan.... how I love thee! No seriously. For me, as a new convert back in '06, it was a magical time. I was able to see Muslims everyday. Can you imagine? :-) Now that I have a family full of Muslims it isn't quite to fairy-tale. lol

The Annoor Masjid in Knoxville is the best! OK so when I was there sometimes we would complain about the lack of facilities for women or the infernal heat but let's face it, these issues affect most communities.

What we did have in abundance, if not space and super-cooled air, was sisterhood. I loved those Ramadhan nights! Honestly my first 2 years were months I will never forget. After that, having a small child and being busy looking after her honestly took a lot away from my ibadah. You might have read my posts about it. Sorry too lazy to link just go to the search bar or look under "i blog about".

Anyway it was just so peaceful and exciting. I would go to the masjid and break my fast. Now on a few nights it was sooo crowded and maybe food got low so Sr. Lisa and I might sneak out and grab a quick bite at a fast-food place. However on the nights when the crowd was manageable or non-existant.... ahhhhhhhhhhh the peace!

I remember sitting there, hearing Hafiz Noman reciting Qur'an. To this day he remains one of my favorite reciters. Masha'Allah he just had his Khatm; he has now learned all 7 types of recitation and is able to instruct others in all the methods. He is truly a boon for our smallish community.

His voice is so beautiful, even without understanding Arabic, sometimes my eyes would fill with tears. And the dua' he always performs on the last night is absolutely amazing. These memories will stay with me for a loooooong time.

Those first Ramadhans were in the fall and the weather, ahhhh the weather. It too was beautiful, crisp nights and cool days. Perfect for someone new to fasting. The first year I didn't pray taraweeh; I honestly couldn't keep my mind focused enough but I honestly feel it was almost as essential, those relationships I forged during that time. Sisterhood sustains us.

So oftentimes, I would slip outside and gaze up at the stars. Often I would be thinking of Abu Aaminah, as we were newly married AND newly apart awaiting his arrivial in the US. I had no way of knowing it would take another year but alhamdulillah He gave me the sabr to endure.

Aaminah was my prize. :-)

Even my third Ramadhan, after Aaminah, was beautiful but in a different way. Subhanallah everytime she heard Qur'an she would sit soooo still and just listen. She was only a baby maybe 3 months old and she listened for Allah's words like no other thing. It was amazing to me and she inspired me.

The next Ramadhan she was mobile and the masjid was off limits. We had a tiny little area for sisters so we sat shoulder to shoulder, back to back. Miskeena little Aaminah couldn't even walk and the food was too spicy so that was the year I prayed taraweeh in my home. You can read, as I said above, about this on my blog. Plus laugh at the verrrry high standards I tried to set for myself that year. Yeah, I changed them.

Praying in my home brought a new dimension. :-)

Go on to the next year. Aaminahw as bigger, we attempted the masjid ocassionally. Not so much ibadah unfortunatley but I was a single mom and worked at the masjid and was responsible for signing up iftar sponsors, buying all the non-food supplies, etc. etc. It was a hectic Ramadhan but I felt in many ways I was probably more productive and did more good fi sabilillah.

Last year I was here, married. Talk about culture shock. lol I went from quiet little iftars with friends or Aaminah and I to being responsible for cooking for a family of 6, shopping for Eid clothes, cleaning, and being uber sick. It was hard. I felt like I did absolutely NO ibadah last year. I guess I should re-read last Ramadhan to see what really happened as my memory is soo spotty.

Are ya'll still here? Good, I know I'm rambling a bit. Anyway we tried to go to the masjid a few times but the fitnah, sisters! People literally FIGHTING over food, complaining it wasn't "insert your ethnic group here" enough. It was so disheartening.

Aaminah was too young to be able to stay beside me while I prayed. Our masjid has huge marble, hard marble, staircases that are unprotected. :-( I pray in the women's balcony which had it's own stairs. So last year, no so much.

This year... well we'll see. Insha'Allah khair... Aaminah is older, maybe old enough to go to babysitting but I am afraid of the poor supervision, afraid she'll get scared or will go to find me. You know, the fears of a mama who stays home with her baby all the time.

Since this last incident at the masjid involving FOOD of all things! I am pretty sure I don't wanna go for iftar. I would rather cook myself and see if we can make it in time for taraweeh. This could be the year, sisters, this could be the year. :-)

Let's all make du'a that Allah swt blesses us and helps us to make the most of this coming time. Amin!

Good news!! :-)

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. My youngest son, Alex, is coming to stay for a bit this summer. I am super-hyped! I had asked the boys' dad last year to allow them to come but he refused. (He is a bit of an overbearing ass.) Anyway I asked again this year and he agreed. I am so happy. Zachary will probably be too busy between all of the camps he volunteers at plus getting ready for college this fall. My biggest baby is growing up so fast!!!

I will miss seeing my family and friends in TN. In particular my best friend, Sr. Lisa. She is expecting a baby in September insha'Allah and her husband is still overseas. :-( Please make dua Allah unites them soon, amin. Anyway before I married, we were inseparable. We lived within a minute of each other. We went to the masjid together, to the store together, everywhere. I really miss her and I know it's been so hard on her, being a single mom alone with another on the way. Well not single bec married but single bec he isn't here yet. (Her daughter is 6 and she is from her first marriage.)

Anyway it is hard to tell her and my mom especially I won't be coming down but at the end of the day, it's my children I can't live without. They are the ones I miss so badly, they are the ones my heart breaks for. Of course I miss everyone else but my sons... ahhhh if you are a momma you know. There is no love like what we have for our children.

It was going to be difficult for Aaminah and I to travel down this time. We are trying to save money for our eventual move to Tunisia and if Alex comes that's only 1 plane ticket as compared to 2. Plus last time Zachary was free so we all used his car to go around. He would be gone this year so I would have to rent a car. Last year my mom had her empty house; this year she has rented it out so I would have to stay with people. It's difficult as a muslim to stay with non-Muslims even if they are family.

Allah is all-knowing, all-merciful and He is the best of planners. I will trust in that. :-)

Ma salaama ya'll!

Pictures from my trip to Tennessee!

Aliyah and Aaminah cheesin' it up... with kohl on!



Alex running in his last cross-country race of the season; look at his hair fly!



This is Aaminah's first time seeing her big brother Zack in 9 months. She loved him from the first minute she saw his face!

At the restaurant, Alex and Aaminah bonding again! So sweet masha'Allah!



What a bunch of weiners! LOL My sis just opened a restaurant (a spin-off of their wildly popular "Best Hot Dog in East TN" hot dog cart) and we were dressing the part in some of the Groovy Dawg's props.



Leave of absence

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. I'm leaving tomorrow to head back to K-town, Knoxvegas, Knoxville. Whatever you call it, that's where I'm going. I can't wait to see my family and friends again. I even planned my trip so I'd have 2 Fridays there so I could attend my old masjid for jumah prayer. I think I put that in a previous post but I'm too lazy to fact check. Just thought I'd add it again.

My baby (well my baby boy) Alex has a cross-country race on Tuesday evening. I am really excited I get to be a part of that and experience it with him. I am very proud of my sons; they are just awesome boys. They were very close to Aaminah before we moved and I am eager for all 3 of them to get reconnected too. My dream, my goal, is for my family to move back to Knoxville. I like Hudson; its very pretty here and nice weather although I don't know how I'll drive in the snow!!! But my heart is in East TN along with my sons.

It's about 10:30 pm here right now and I've been busy all day. Because I had been sick last week and in the hospital I had quite a bit of laundry to put away and then more to do. Clean the bathroom, make dinner for A and the kids for tomorrow; I really don't want him to have too many burdens from my trip. He's being great about it but I know it's a hardship for him to have to take care of his 3 while working, with me and Aaminah gone. Insha'allah I'll enjoy my trip but enjoy coming home as well!

I made this little "card" for him as well as some small sentiments. I gussied 'em up on Word and printed them out to hide in little places. One in his sock drawer, one in the shower, and one.... maybe in the mailbox. :-) Better put it in an envelope if I don't want the mailman reading. :-) Actually they are all in Arabic so obviously I was limited in what I said. I think I used "ya habib", and "my husband, my life" and "I love you, habib" or something like that. A found a neat website that lets you type arabic phonetically and it converts it to Arabiy. Masha'Allah nice and now I can leave little Arabic love letters around the house. Sweet....

Alrighty, I better go. I need to make sure I got all my last minute things packed. Please make du'a for me that my trip goes smoothly ( I have an rx for meclizine for motion sickness yes!!!) and that our visit is lovely and just long enough. :-)

Ma salaama.....

OK almost done...

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll! Hope you like the new layout. I wanted something kinda homey and comforting. To me, nothing is more comfortable than a well-worn quilt. They warm you in the winter and feel cool in the summer. Pieced together by my ancestors, painstaking tiny stitch after stitch. Using the scraps of cloth left over from a flour-cloth towel, an apron made for Aunt Sally, or the bonnet made for the neighbor's new baby.

Each quilt tells a story: poignant, hopeful, determined, joyful, resourceful, dedicated... Just like the women I am from. :-) So I am very happy with my new look. This is actually my first time trying to make my own layout (somewhat). I snagged the background quilt from Shabby Blogs and then I made my li'l photo montage at Fotoflexer. I wanted it bigger and I do want to have a banner (graphic to place my photo box or at least my text in) but insha'allah I'll figure it out eventually.

I did pick my colors for the side bar, text, text size, etc so it is somewhat a "custom" job and I have to say a big thanks to Sr. Mona at Swell Blog Design. Her page gave me the idea to try and play around and not be afraid to have a little fun. :-) It's also where I learned how to get the little icon to pop up on the address bar when my blog address is typed. Don't you love it? :-)

So gimme a little "shout out" if you like it; if you don't... ah just keep it to yourself, cause I don't have the energy to change it! ;-)

Great news, masha'Allah tabarakallah!

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. When last we spoke, I was a little down, missing my sons. Alhamdulillah the next day I received an email from my big sis which stated she was going to bring Zack and Alex up this summer when she comes to visit. I was on cloud 9! They were gonna come at the end of May which really thrilled me but because of scheduling conflicts (mainly for my busy boys) they can't come til August. Alhamdulillah just knowing they will be coming up is a huge relief to me.

Of course I want to go back home for a visit this summer but the kids here don't get out of school til almost the end of June. TN is HOT in July but of course that wouldn't stop me. I just have to try to figure out sleeping arrangements, etc. for our family of 6. :-) My husband isn't cheap with us masha'allah but I try to be frugal; the thought of renting hotels rooms for a week + is daunting. So I'll have to think and get creative. Hmm we could always go camping there; save a bundle. Not sure how the kids would feel about it tho. :-) I haven't been camping yet as a hijabi so I think that would be another special circumstance, trying to be modest and not destroy my abayaat with campfire cooking.

OK I just wanted to update you all. I am still doing my at home I.V. therapy. Insha'allah on May 14 they will pull my access tube and I will pray that Allah swt has removed this stubborn infection from me once and for all. Sisters, many of us don't appreciate what we have; I know as a younger woman I didn't think twice about being healthy; I took it for granted. Now of course I know to be more grateful to
Allah for his blessings so let's just say "alhamdulillah" and mean it!

Ma salaama...

Southern-isms

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll! This could be a new southernism but only for southern US Muslims, obviously. :-) I wanted to post this photo of Aaminah and when I looked at it, so many southern sayings popped into my mind I knew I needed to share. :-)

1. I could just eat you up! Translation: You are most probably the sweetest thing I have ever seen. :-) This is what I thought when I saw this pic of Aaminah.

2. Look at that sh*t eatin' grin. Translation: You look mischievious. Yes, this is a real bona-fide southern saying.

3. Oh bless her heart! Translation: How I pity you and/or revel in your distress but in order to appear sweet and genteel I can't say so. lol

4. Well I'd rather do ______ than get a kick in the head. Translation: Self-explanatory.

5. I ain't seen you in a month of Sundays. (Pronounced: I ain't seen you in uh month uh Sundees.) Translation: Wow, I can't believe how long it's been since we spoke last!

6. Why, he's mean as a striped snake. (Pronounced: Why, he's mean as a stripe-ed snake.) Translation: Don't mess with that guy. lol

7. Well, they! Translation: You must be kidding me!

8. You're as useless as tits on a bull. Translation: Uh, you're useless. :-D

Here's an impromptu vocab lesson: "layg" and "ayg" are leg and egg and "flair" is both flour and flower.

Please remember when saying these (if you were to ever want to do so!) that you must draw out all vowel sounds. Otherwise you will just sound crazy. :-)

I know there are many more but I think I'm losing my southern-ness. :-( Now Aaminah says "Hi" and "Bye" instead of "Haiiii" and "Bahhh". My baby is gonna have a northern accent. Nooooooooooooooooo!

Ma salaama...