Niqaab: my personal dilemma

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. I've thought alot recently about wearing the niqaab, the reasonings for and against it, etc. I'll be honest, I've always felt very strongly drawn towards it. Maybe because of my early pre-teen warping from reading trashy romance novels where the ladies in the harem were always covered in diphaneous wisps of face veils. :-D However, I'd like to believe it's a bit deeper than that. lol

From the time I first became Muslim I have thought about wearing niqaab. I've grown leaps and bounds in my modesty and haya since I converted almost 5 yrs ago. *Not that I was necessarily WRONG in what I wore in the beginning* but I do personally feel if a sister is drawn towards the niqaab she should be exceedingly modest in her manner of dress as well as her actions.

When I was a new Muslim alhamdulillah I had such a piece-meal, mixed up wardrobe. Wallah I laugh when I see my early pictures from India. Subhanallah!!!! Pleasssse my sisters, picture this (mentally cause I don't have these photos on this laptop):  newbie-issue al-amira pull over hijab COMPLETE with lace edging, long green poly-silk kameeze gifted from friend, long peasant-style denim skirt from Wal-Mart (super cute, still have it just a little too snug at the mo'), and dark grey/neon green New Balance shoes.

Oh my aching sides!!!! I still giggle when I see those pics. Oh wait, the coup-de-etat (sp?): I tossed a niqaab on top of that hot mess. Yes my sisters I did. You see, at least where and when I was in India (Mumbai/Maharashtra/Nagpur area, 2006) Muslims sisters ONLY went  out of the house in full on, black head-to-toe, abaya/hijab/niqaab ensemble. I kid you not. WITH full clothing on underneath. Ya Rabb, I am sweating just thinkin' about it!!!!! So imagine how I stood out! Warning, another side-splitting description coming up:

White skin, green eyes, southern US accent even in my "a'salaamu alaikum", chubby, dressed to kill (with laughter!), and a smile bigger than Texas permanently on my face. Ya'll, I had just married and was having the adventure of a lifetime. My fashion woes would NOT hold me back. Anyway so all this together *kinda* stand out from the average niqaabi sister floating around oh-so-gracefully. I wore the niqaab to fit in and to please my new husband while in his home country. I do, in my rather weak defense, have to go ahead and say I quickly had more appropriate clothing made and eventually made some of my forays in a lovely black abaya I still own, and my first ever purchased.

OK sorry I got sidetracked. Then when I was in UAE I wore a form of niqaab called a ghashwa (please see post topics on the sidebar for a pic of me decked out in that). By that time (last year) I was very modest in my dress (and alhamdulillah matching!!! lol) and felt it was a much better fit for me.

So where is my problem? Well turns out I got lots of them! I'll just list them for you.

1. My non-Muslim family. Already how I dress makes them uncomfortable sometimes. I am afraid if I wear niqaab it will totally alienate them, especially when I would tell them that it isn't required. Hmmm. I don't want the few times I am able to spend with them to be awkward for them or me.

2. Dawah issues. In the West women in niqaab are somewhat feared I think. Right now I have the opportunity to speak with people, give a smile, make some type of interaction with them which I think isn't as possible with the niqaab. I might be wrong.

3. Perserverance. I am afraid I might start it and then find it too difficult and give it up. I don't like to fail and I don't like to start a thing and not be able to finish it. Except for craft projects, noooo problem with that!

4. Loss of identity. I am not positive I would feel this way but I guess when I think of this, it's mostly in mind that when I am out with Aaminah and she can't see my emotions on my face; my happiness or pride in her.

OK so that pretty much sums up my "Things that make you go 'hmmmm'" list. :-) So why WOULD I want to wear it? Where is the dilemma?

I want to please Allah. I want to have more good deeds than bad on yawma-qiyamat. I want to do more to improve myself, make me feel closer to Allah. I know, it would be better for my soul to pray all my sunnah and nafil prayers or became a hafiza. I can't do those things. I get side-tracked or the kids are crazy or dinner needs cooked. Sometimes I'm just downright lazy. :-(  I feel wearing the niqaab, like wearing the hijaab, is an easy way to please Allah. It's as simple as that.

How many of you have flirted with the idea of niqaab? Who used to wear it but removed it and why? Pros, cons, questions of your own... please post them all. :-)

Niqaab update

A'salaamu alaikum. A few posts ago (pre-UAE) I posted a photo of me in FULL coverage and gave my thoughts regarding it.

I would like to make a few amendments. This isn't the type of cover my husband wanted me to wear and it is not what I wear.

I do wear niqaab here in UAE but only in and out of our building. We have a disproportionate numbers of bachelors here (read: laborers and unskilled workers) who will ogle, stare, and just in general make an annoyance of themselves.

At any given time there are at least 25 to 40 of them squatting on the grassy areas, drinking tea, or talking. Once I did go out without my niqaab (it was really late at night) and I was definitely attracting attention.

Abdullah feels (and I agree) it is better to keep my face covered in this area so my whiter-than-normal skin and green eyes do not draw their attention. It is very safe here but at the same time there is no reason to take chances.

What is the most that would happen? I could be followed home and as we live in a multi-storied, elevatored building that would be scary for me. I would prefer to slip a niqaab off and on as opposed to dealing with some psuedo-stalker with a thing for fluffy chicks with white skin and southern accents. LOL

Alright so now you're up-to-date.

Ma salaama,

Umm Aaminah

Anonymous

A'salaamu alaikum. What do you think of the photo? This is me, fully "niqaabed", "ghashwaed" or "boushiyahed" however you wanna say it. My husband told me that our apartment building has many non-Muslim bachelors living in it who are none-too-shy about staring at women, especially lighter-skinned, lighter-eyed ones. :-(

He feels it would be better for me to remain fully covered when out and about, especially when I am alone. From what other sisters have said (both those I personally know and some blogs I follow) the men can be really creepy there. And stalker-ish in their behavior.

It makes me feel loved and protected that Abdullah has such strong feelings for me, to take care of me, keep me safe, insha'allah. This all comes from "gheerah" the strong protective emotion Allah swt gave Muslim men to keep their women safe insha'allah. I think this concept is intrinsically Islamic, it is part of the internal make-up of almost all Muslim men.

They want to keep their wives from being harassed, help them preserve their modesty especially in situations where they might be alone, and has that strong overwhelming urge to protect them. Jealousy I think is not a good translation of that word bec in the US jealousy normally has very negative overtones whereas the emotion of gheerah is a gift from Allah swt and therefore is only positive.

Now..that said... I was a little put off first time I saw myself. Not my reflection, mind you, because through the fabric I could not see so well. So I snapped a photo and it really amazed me how I seemed to disappear. I mean obviously on the streets of the US I would stick out like a sore thumb lol but to myself I just seemed to vanish.

It took a little time to acclimate myself to that feeling, of being so not-me. Anonymous. However I am very happy that a) my husband loves me so much he is careful of my modesty and my personal safety and b) that I will feel more comfortable being out in public alone.

I wore niqaab (but not an eye screen) when I visited India in 2006. When I didn't wear it, the men all stared. No matter where we were, no matter if they were non-Muslim or Muslim astaghfirallah. I was an oddity, a strange occurence and as such open game for stares. I felt happier with niqaab except for the stifling heat! I have since learned fabric makes ALL the diff! So no more cheapies for me!

Anyway, I digress. :-) I think I will appreciate the extra protection the face screen will give me. Also as I was raised to be very kind and friendly, it's hard for me to avoid smiling in general. Or especially when talking to Aaminah and if we happen to be outside... well I am afraid I am just not restrained enough in public and I do not want to create problems for myself.

I also feel very blessed Abdullah cares so much for me that he would request I cover more completely to avoid this situations for fitnah.

I'll update and let you all know how it feels walking out and about in one, especially after I get a chance to shop a little there and purchase the type I find I really prefer.

Please make dua for my family that we are united soon and united safely!

Ma salaam,

Umm Aaminah