August 20, 2010

Ramadhan journal: Day 10

A'salaamu alaikum ya'll. The pic above might give you an indication of where this post is going. :-) BTW I think it's super cute. lol

I went to the doctor today and had my kidney levels checked. My creatnine (a level checked to show kidney function) was elevated to 1.6 which in a healthy person would mean I was at stage 3 (of 5) chronic renal failure. For a transplant patient, it isn't so static a definition and we don't expect truly great things. :-) Just a chance at life, to be active, somewhat normal, maybe even live to see our children grow. INSHA'ALLAH!!!

Anyway I was told to cease and desist with the fasting. OK I can cope. But really I feel like a failure. I KNOW it's the qadr of Allah. I KNOW I am supposed to take care of my body. I KNOW it's a mercy from ALLAH and I should just be grateful... but I feel like a loser, a quitter, a big weinee poo poo head.

OK enough whining. Insha'allah I will still find benefit in this Ramadhan but really, I will miss that feeling of oneness with our ummah.

Ma salaama


Banana Anne said...

Aww, I'm sorry that you're so upset. In the situation I'm in now, I would welcome a break from fasting (Astaghfirullah), but if everything was fine in my world I would definitely be disappointed too. But Alhamdulillah that ALLAH has granted people these concessions. Just because you can't do the physical fast doesn't mean that you have to give up the concept of fasting. There is still the fasting of the tongue and mind (arguably more important than and more difficult than the fast of the body), which Alhamdulillah you can focus more on. Subhanallah, ALLAH has given us so many different ways to worship Him, and if you are unable to do one there are plenty more to choose from.

Umm Aaminah said...

Salaam sis and thanks for the helpful nasiha. You are right; fasting from food and drink is the easiest part; this is one of the reasons I am sad to not be able to complete it. I view it like wearing hijab: a little jingle in my akhira "bank account" insha'allah. :-)

I was just reminding myself today to not be an over-reactive idiot. Much easier said than done. LOL

Happy Hijabi said...

Salaam sister,
I'm so sorry to hear this. I pray insha'Allah that Allah (swt) makes things easy for you.

On an inspirational note however, I would like to share with you my husbands experience with this.

He was diagnosed a few years back with stage 2 renal failure. Bad news for most people. Even worse news if you're a type 1 diabetic. He took this as a wake up call from Allah (SWT) and decided to take drastic action with his diet and looking after his body. He became a strict vegetarian over night, took regular exercise, got his blood pressure under control, followed doctors orders and of course prayed. A few years later, his kidneys have been completely heeled, they are rejuvenated and healthy as in a normal person. Alhamdolilah, this is nothing short of a miracle and blessing from Allah.
My He bless you with this same heeling and rejuvenation insha'Allah.

Umm Aaminah said...

@ Happy Hijabi: thanks so much for your du'a sis. I actually had a kidney transplant in 2002. It normally works beautifully but with the fasting this time.. well my docs said my kidney was too fragile to handle it. My levels are great for a transplant patient (normally) but after a week of fasting my level had risen to that of a pre-transplant level 3 chronic kidney disease patient.

Sorry I wasn't more clear...but usually I enjoy great health with my transplanted kidney but I can't fast. :-(

I pray your husband stays well ameen!

Anonymous said...

Asalamu alaikum,

Well I could've told you, oh wait, I DID tell you that you shouldn't be fasting. You are supposed to keep water going past your kidney in a steady supply (plus take your meds) I was told this by YOU. So why not just listen to me from the beginning? hmmm...especially with all the infections you've had recently; it was irresponsible of you to attempt fasting.

I once heard a lecture from a shaikh, who said it much better than I ever could, but he discussed the mercies that Allah, swt, gives us, for example, not fasting while traveling or if medically unable (sick, pregnant, nursing, etc); shortened salat while traveling; no salat or fasting while on cycle. He explained how these are a mercy from Allah, swt, and of course Allah, swt, knows better and best the reasons why He allows us these concessions; he further spoke on those that don't take the mercies that Allah, swt, has given us, and that to do that is similar to arrogance or thinking one knows better than Allah.

Of course I know you don't think that, but it's the point of remember that there's a reason some people can fast and others cannot. Maybe they have a blessing in that they can fast, but you have blessings in other ways; and only Allah knows what is on our scalse.

May Allah, swt, guide all muslims to the straight path and toward the unification of our ummah ameen.

Lisa...wouldn't let me sign in, lol

Umm Aaminah said...

Salaam sistah! And yes YOU WERE RIGHT and I WAS WRONG. No problem to admit it.:-)

And here is a bonus: "you told me so, you told me so, you told me so..." :-P

Ma salaama!